Talk:Djibouti at the 1988 Summer Olympics/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: BU Rob13 (talk · contribs) 03:37, 16 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Starting the review now. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 03:39, 16 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

First pass

Checking for basic quality of writing and verifiability. I may make other comments at the same time.

Lead

Why not wikilink the athletes in the lead?
nations --> nation's Done
The phrase "first ever" is a bit informal. Please rephrase this. Done removed "ever," rewrote sentence
The last sentence is a bit grammatically messy. The clearest description of the object in the sentence is "a bronze for the men's marathon", so this should probably be the object with the qualifier that this is the nation's first being relegated to a relative clause. "At these games" is unnecessarily wordy; it's not needed given the context. Done

A comment, if I may. Take note of MOS:BOLDAVOID and MOS:TITLEABSENTBOLD. On a related note, editors often feel that the title of the article must in some way be reiterated in the opening sentence, which usually results in awkward phrasing and redundancy. The title of the article already makes it clear that Djibouti participated at the 1988 Olympics; it doesn't need restating. Lizard (talk) 11:20, 17 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Lizard the Wizard: I've bolded the main title-related words in the lead. Dat Guy^Talk_Contribs 11:02, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@DatGuy: They should not be bolded, per the guidelines Lizard provided. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 12:25, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I personally believe that it should be bolded. It's fine if not. Feel free to revert. Dat Guy^Talk_Contribs 13:45, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
I've removed the bolding. Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 01:57, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Background

This is unnecessarily unclear. Djibouti did not attend two Summer Olympics between the 1984 Games and the 1988 Games. No Summer Olympics were held in between those two. You mean between inclusively, but isn't it just easier to say that Djibouti debuted in 1984 and that 1988 was their second trip to the Summer Olympics? Done
The wikilink to Djibouti at the 1984 Summer Olympics should probably be on "made their Olympic debut" not "three athletes". I would expect an article on the athletes themselves given the current placing of the wikilink, which is not what I would find.

Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:58, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Medalists

First sentence needs a comma. Done
The second sentence is in the passive voice. Is this desirable? Is it accurate to bring it into the active voice by saying the nation won its first medal when ... ? Done
The qualifying stuff should probably go under "Athletics", not "Medalists". -Response: I believe this is fine since it is related to the medalist and the medal. It could go in both. Dat Guy^Talk_Contribs 11:02, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Do you need to list the distance of a marathon for the qualification? You can just say he ran a marathon in the qualification. Not done It isn't needed.
- @DatGuy: I believe you misunderstood. Currently, the distance is listed in the article. I believe it should be removed, as it's unnecessary. I think you agree with me but didn't get what I was saying. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 12:24, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  - See my edit [1]. Is that what you meant? Dat Guy^Talk_Contribs 13:45, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
    - Yes, although the resulting sentence could still use some cleaning up/splitting. It's a bit of a run-on. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 20:23, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Athletics

Please clear up Ahmed Salah's full name. Cite 3 lists it as "Ahmed Salah Houssein". Elsewhere in the article, you list it as "Houssein Ahmed Salah". Some places just list it as "Ahmed Salah". We need to figure out which is correct or at least make it consistent throughout the article.

Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:08, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

There is a contradiction on the overall placing of Aden (44th vs. 45th). This needs to be cleared up with sourcing.

Changed the wording around to this is no longer relevant Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:56, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The sources provided are unclear on whether there are official "overall" ranks after 12th on these races. Better sourcing is needed if we're going to keep the overall ranks. We can't synthesize an overall placing based on their place on a list when the "ranking" is provided as "12 h1 r1/3" rather than an actual placing.

Done Fixed --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:34, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The rank in the table is inconsistent for Abdlillahi, where it lists his individual rather than "overall". As mentioned above, though, might be best to always list their individual rather than overall unless better sourcing can be found.

Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:34, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

one-hundred-eighteen --> 118 (as a general rule, double digit numbers or higher can be displayed as numbers, but triple digit or higher must be displayed as numbers)

Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:33, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Sailing

There's some form of typo/missing sentence here. "This was These were the first games where Djibouti participated in a sailing event."

Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:30, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Why is the event called "Mixed Windsurfer" in one place but "Division II" in another?

The terms are used interchangeably --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:31, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Other comments

Please make the date style consistent throughout the article. For instance, you use Day Month style in the lead, Month Day style in Medalists and some of the references, and then Year-Month-Day style in other references. I'm not sure which style is most "native" to Djibouti, so it's probably safe to just choose one, but the style should be consistent throughout. As a note on my personal preference (but not a requirement for GA), avoid Year-Month-Day dating in the citations, as it can be confusing when the day is less than 13. Writing out the month is ideal. -I've added a comment for ymd in references and mdy for the text. Feel free to request something else, but I won't change anything as I am not the most contributing person with this article. Dat Guy^Talk_Contribs 11:02, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
- Cameron can decide which he prefers, but the dates in references and the dates in text should match up, not have separate styles. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 12:45, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:54, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Create an external links section for the two external links.

I ended up removing them instead --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:37, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Conclusion

Will try to finish this first pass today. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 15:42, 17 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@BU Rob13: Am not the nominator, but I'll try and work on this. First comment: WP:SEAOFBLUE, also I personally feel that it is better to wikilink when they are thoroughly discussed as to not overlink.

Comment: Cameron, please expand the background and sailing sections. Background a lot, sailing maybe not-so-much. Dat Guy^Talk_Contribs 11:02, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
- WP:SEAOFBLUE applies only when multiple links are placed directly next to each other. Here, they would be separated by commas, so it wouldn't apply. As for expanding the background/sailing, we can only include as much information as exists on the topic. I'm not overly worried about those sections, especially Background, given that this country only participated in a single games. It might be worth noting in the Background that Djibouti had won no medals in 1984. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 12:52, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Aesthetically I like the article better without the wikilinks for the athletes in the intro section --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:59, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

On hold for seven days to allow issues to be addressed. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 12:50, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@BU Rob13: I think I got everything so Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 03:06, 19 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Second pass

Just a few things, Cameron11598.

The last sentence of "Medalists" has about 6 separate dependent clauses in it, which is grammatically correct but difficult to read. Please reword, likely by splitting it into two (or more) sentences.

Done I think that should read better if not let me know. --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:23, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Cameron11598: It does read better, but it still needs a couple commas. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 02:30, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@BU Rob13: Hows this new revision? --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:36, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

In the second sentence of sailing, "where" is not really the correct relative adverb in that context. "In which" would work better.

Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:20, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Please alter the caption to the single picture to be a complete sentence.

Done --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:20, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

With those, we should be all set! ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 01:06, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@BU Rob13: Done Thanks for the review! --Cameron₁₁₅₉₈ ^(Talk) 02:23, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

✓ Pass Thanks for addressing all my concerns. The only other concerns expressed were the brevity of the Background selection by DatGuy, but as stated earlier, the background is actually quite short for this country and it's stated comprehensively. That's all that's required under the GA criteria. I'm happy to pass this article. ~ Rob₁₃^Talk 02:41, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]