Talk:Double burden/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 18:02, 20 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here's a "pre-review" of the article. I notice three things that need to be fixed before I delve into a prose review. First, the article needs to be wikified throughout. The tag on the top of the page explains how to do so. Second, the big quotes at the top of a couple sections should be fitted into the text itself and changed to normal size, as it doesn't look good as is. Third, for the fifth reference, make sure page numbers are added, and the fourth reference needs publisher data and the like. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:02, 20 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Just a quick note to say that none of the images have any valid permision and are likely to be deleted as they are. AIRcorn (talk) 23:15, 20 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

This review has been open for a week but no student has posted here. I am quite disappointed with; as I mentioned in class several times I expect a prompt reaction to the reviews. Please note that no activity for a week is grounds for closing this review as a fail. I hope this won't have to happen... (note to the reviewer: I'll make another class announcement on Monday afternoon). --_{Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| talk to me} 00:53, 28 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review. We will make immediate action on changing as well as improving the page to the standards you feel it needs to be. I agree in regards to the big quotes and their size being fitted. The images were taken off as well. — Preceding unsigned comment added by JOriola (talk • contribs) 04:45, 28 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll post a prose review some time tonight or tomorrow. I've been backlogged badly on my end but it's mostly taken care of now. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 16:07, 28 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Could the cite error at the bottom of the page be fixed first? I'd do it but I'm not actually sure where it is. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 16:55, 29 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

We noticed the citation error at the bottom of the page, but we were not quite sure what it meant. I can take another look at it and try to figure out where exactly it is some time today. Jade.Richardson (talk) 17:09, 29 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed. This happens when a reference is defined in reflist but is unused in the body. --_{Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| talk to me} 18:17, 29 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank You Jade.Richardson (talk) 18:20, 29 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here are some lead comments and other misc. things:

"According to studies done dealing with a " According to studies, dealing... flows better.
"motherly responsibilities in the Western hemisphere, and parts of the Eastern hemisphere" that comma isn't needed.
There are many spots where there's a space after punctuation and the ref, i.e. (end. [4]) That space should be removed in all instances it exists.
There are instances early on where references come before punctuation; the punctuation should be before the reference.
For ref #17, is that noting the total pages? Since the ref is just being used once, you only need to note the page that info is on that's referenced.
Ref 34 (^ a b c d e f g "1968: The Double Burden". [author missing] [date missing]) Still needs an author and access date (I don't see a date so that isn't needed).
"The idea of double burden is not a new one." If there's a time when it started in the reference, that would be preferred to add in this sentence.
"the out pouring of occupations in the early 1920's" outpouring
"The roaring 30's "encouraged women to fulfill what Stalin termed the "great and honorable duty that nature has given" them." link Josef Stalin, and explain the roaring 30s as well, since that's a new term to me, i.e. was this just in Russia or worldwide?
"so that their family's" their families
"Now in modern times, the idea of the double burden still brings a default idea into one's mind, but it is more evolved with the times concerning both sexes and their new found roles" I'd remove the first part of the sentence, starting it with The idea, plus newfound is one word.
"sometimes expected on any women" any woman, or just "on women".
"but more and more women enter and make their presence known in the work force" reword. Perhaps 'but as more women enter the workforce and make their presence known...'
"one of the other" one or the other
"effects the men as well" affects

Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:49, 1 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, we will be addressing these issues this upcoming weekend. Jade.Richardson (talk) 05:17, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review. It was very helpful. We shall make the changes. — Preceding unsigned comment added by JOriola (talk • contribs) 22:00, 4 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Let me know when all changes are complete and I'll review the rest of the article, as this is only part. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:21, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

We will let you know by today or tonight that the changes have been completed. J.Varnado (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 18:15, 9 December 2011 (UTC).[reply]

Hello, all of the issues that you mentioned have been addressed. Thank You Jade.Richardson (talk) 21:24, 9 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for doing that. Here's my final wave of comments:

"sometimes a person's health is effected" affected.
"Many people faced with these circumstances have a higher chance of being sick since health and stress seem to go hand in hand. In fact stress has been implicated in up to eighty percent of all illnesses, as found by a report done by the Canadian Advisory Council on the Status of Women" i'd actually combine these sentences: "..to go hand in hand, as stress has been implicated.."
"rate than the women who are" than women
"and it has been somewhat done proving that women who are faced with work during sometime of the day and then faced with taking care of children have been known to request more sick days than men in the same situation." this is rather oddly worded. i'd cut it down to "..who are faced with work and taking care of.."
"the women is faced with a higher amount of a domestic workload than the males will be faced with." tense changed mid-sentence; take out "will be faced with".
"The Canadian Family in Crisis written by John Fredrick Conway." comma after crisis
"and also in the workforce" and are in the workforce sounds better here.
"house for the mother in some cases." there are some instances of weasel words creeping into the article, such as there. End the sentence at mother, and double check for other instances of that.
"Though this seems like no time at all it does add up in no time." the sentence really doesn't add anything of substance; remove.
"eighty-three percent of women participate in housecleaning and food preparation compared to only fifty-one percent" those numbers can be written as just that, numbers (83 and 51), though I won't be too concerned on that.
"average loose up to" lose up
"The Canadian Family Crisis" start sentence with In, plus wasn't it in Crisis in an earlier paragraph? fix that.
"work/family conflicts.[5] The male's stress in these situations derive from work/family conflicts" the article links to a dash, which should be used in both cases instead of the backslash.
"that will effect the entire family" affect
"on much stress." either write more stress or just remove much
"has a career, as well" rm comma
"Strains begin to develop between these two roles when women, and men, find" Strain begins to..when women and men find
"it effects how decisions are made" affects
"are two of the firs things" first
"put of going" put off
"Online, has both Bachelor of Science in Nursing and Master of Science in Nursing programs" rm comma after online and just say have instead of has both.
The second single parent paragraph has the problem of spaces between punctuation and references. Remove those.
"The double burden of women, that have jobs and still have to come home and shoulder the majority of the housework, leads to" neither comma needed.

I'll put the article on hold, and will either pass it as a GA when it's fixed or end the review sometime in the next few days. I was told grades are due soon, so I'll only leave this open another 72 hours; sorry for the delay on my end. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 19:27, 16 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, we will be addressing these concern tomorrow (Dec 18). We will let you know when all has been corrected. Thank You Jade.Richardson (talk) 03:27, 18 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, the previous problems you have listed are now fixed. Hopefully everything is adequate to your liking. Thanks again (J.Oriola) (talk) — Preceding unsigned comment added by JOriola (talk • contribs) 20:51, 18 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Everything now looks good, so I'm willing to pass the article as a GA. Well done! Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 17:11, 19 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]