Talk:Georges-Antoine Belcourt/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ealdgyth - Talk 22:55, 6 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing this article shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:55, 6 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
A few spots where the prose needs some work to make things clearer
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

General concerns:
- Could we have a caption giving the approximate date of the photograph, to give readers some idea of how old Belcourt was when it was taken?

I've put a caption under the photo, but as it is only a circa date, I'm not sure if I should provide an exact age.

- With the books that you've listed as sources, you should probably also list a page number, in case something goes wrong with the link someday.

Done.

Lead:
- Any reason that the date of his first communion is significant enough for the lead? I"d think the date of his enrollment in a seminary would be more significant.

Point taken, info removed.

- Why is it "First Nations" for Canadian natives but "Native Americans" for United States? It's a bit jarring.

Native Americans and First Nations are two distinct groups, both culturally and legally. Although both could be grouped under the archaic term 'American Indians', it would be just as confusing to label Canadian Aboriginals as Native Americans, and vice-versa.

- The last sentence of the lead is not in the article body, and it should be, per WP:LEAD, which requires all information in the lead to be in the body of the article also. THis would also allow you to avoid having to cite that fact in the lead too.

I've put the info about being a NHP into the last sub-heading.

Early life:
- "loyal Roman Catholics"? Do you mean "observant" .. loyal usually implies loyalty to a person or nation, you're usually an "observant" Catholic.

Changed to 'devout', which I think would be more appropriate an adjective.

Early missionary work:
- This sentence "In 1830, Archbishop Panet requested that the young priest on one of his bishop's journeys to Manitoba, and after an interview in February 1831, was enlisted to go on the trip. Belcourt spent two months learning the Algonquin language, and on April 27 that year departed from his home town on a canoe of the Hudson's Bay Company." is a run on sentence, and should be broken up into two or three sentences. Also, the first half doesn't make sense … are you missing something between "requested" and "that the young priest"?

Fixed both issues.

- "In the winter of 1839, Belcourt carved 280 oak features for his log chapel." Features? Do you mean statues? Reliefs? features isn't very specific here.

Clarified per source (which I also noticed wasn't linked: it is now).

Arrival in North Dakota:
- "He did so, and set about demanding the retraction of the charges he was arrested on from the Governor of the Company." I don't quite understand what is meant here, it's unclear and needs to be rewritten to make it clearer.

Reworded for clarity.

- "The Governor apologised for what he described as a mistake on the part of the Company's chief Factors, and was sent to Pembina, North Dakota to work as a missionary there." - I think you mean that Belcourt was sent to Pembina, but as this is written it means that the Governor was sent to Pembina. Needs clearing up.

Hehe yes, that's right!

- "On August 14, 1848, the missionary baptised his first person in Pembina, and held a Holy Communion class consisting of 92 Native Americans." Holy Communion class? Do you mean a 'confirmation' class?

No, I mean a first Holy Communion class - it's backed up by the source too. A confirmation class is something completely different; although I can't find a Wikipedia article for a Communion class (First Communion is the closest thing to it), I can assure you such a thing exists!

- "However, Belcourt felt he was underresourced,…" ACK! Sounds like bad business-speak! Perhaps "However, Belcourt felt that he was not getting enough resources to support his mission…"?

Fixed.

- "Despite claiming to have to resort to his talents in manual labour to pay for his food, Belcourt's money supported a household of a school teacher, a housekeeper, a Native American cook and several servants." awkward - suggest "Despite claiming to have to resort to manual labour to pay for his food, Belcourt supported a household that included school teacher, a housekeeper, a Native American cook and several servants."

Done.

I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth - Talk 23:32, 6 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Any progress on this? Ealdgyth - Talk 17:26, 13 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

No progress, unfortunately, I'm going to fail the article. Ealdgyth - Talk 19:56, 20 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Progress :D Sorry it took so long, I have been away from Wikipedia for quite a while and didn't even know this GA review had happened until today. All issues responded to. Arctic Night 17:30, 24 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]