Talk:Halden Prison/GA1
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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 02:07, 22 June 2016 (UTC)
Will review. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 02:07, 22 June 2016 (UTC)
No copyvio/dablink/external link issues. Fairly well-written, only a few comments: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:29, 23 June 2016 (UTC)
- Lead
- The second-largest prison in Norway This part of the lead my look controversial, would suggest placing a citation to support it there (though it is sourced in the main article).
- I don't see the controversy. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 22:26, 28 June 2016 (UTC)
- I mean "second-largest" may be challenged. In articles making such statements in the lead, editors generally add a citation or two to avoid problems, even if the part is sourced in the main article. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 05:23, 29 June 2016 (UTC)
- If you insist. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 01:37, 1 July 2016 (UTC)
- Halden Prison has received an award Would be good to add the name of the award and when it was received.
- Overview
- Halden Prison was built over 10 years When exactly did construction begin?
- The sources don't explicitly say, so I decided to replicate their style. But I think the reader can get this information because there's the opening year and the construction period. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 22:26, 28 June 2016 (UTC)
- It's good to see sentences beginning with a phrase, but this seems to have been slightly overdone. Please rephrase a few sentences s that the structure occurs at most twice in each para.
- I'll see what I can do. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 22:26, 28 June 2016 (UTC)
- I don't see too much repetition. Anyway, I changed one sentence structure. Any specific suggestion? Gabriel Yuji (talk) 01:37, 1 July 2016 (UTC)
- dangerous and highly dangerous "as well as" maybe better here.
- only around three-fifths of the prisoners are Norwegians (as of 2015) Can this be updated with a more recent figure?
- I can find nothing more recent on Google News, but I think it's a pretty recent figure.
- 6 meter × 1.5 kilometer (6.5 yd × 1 mi) I think you should use feet and not yards here.
- Design
- it was seen as a "symbol and an instrument" of "[the prisoners'] punishment, taking away their freedom" Whose words are these?
- Well-spotted. Done. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 22:26, 28 June 2016 (UTC)
- Prison life
- Are Høidal, the prison's governor Is he still the governor? When did he give this statement?
- Yeah, per ref #1 - NYTM (2015). This source also supports it. Why is the date of the statement relevant? Gabriel Yuji (talk) 22:26, 28 June 2016 (UTC)
- The date is not important if he is still the governor. It's fine. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 05:23, 29 June 2016 (UTC)
- Staff
- As of 2012, Halden had 340 staff members Can this be updated with a more recent figure?
- Sadly, no. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 22:26, 28 June 2016 (UTC)
- Whom do you quote here?
- Where? Gabriel Yuji (talk) 22:26, 28 June 2016 (UTC)
- Well, I see a lot of quotes here like "natural role models" to "motivate the inmates...outside of prison walls." Perhaps you can mention who you quote here. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 05:23, 29 June 2016 (UTC)
- Oh, I see. Paraphrased or attributed. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 01:37, 1 July 2016 (UTC)
- Impact
- The Nordic Page What is this? A newspaper?
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- Add "web magazine" before The Nordic Page. It wouldn't have been necessary had there been a wikilink, but as of now some of us may be clueless on what this is. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 05:23, 29 June 2016 (UTC)
- Foreigners in Norway's prison What is "Norway's prison"? Do you mean "Norwegian prisons"?
- "Norway's prisons" would be fine, but "Norwegian prisons" is indeed better. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 22:26, 28 June 2016 (UTC)
Thanks for the changes, promoted. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:36, 1 July 2016 (UTC)