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Talk:Hawaii Five-0 (2010 TV series) season 9/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:21, 23 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • "on September 28, 2018 for" comma after 2018.
  • "the 2018–19 television season" in the United States...
  • "for a ninth season in April 2018.[2] The season " maybe merge to avoid short sentence and repeat of "season".
  • " major crimes" this points to a dab page.
  • "returned" is used three times in three sentences, perhaps "reprised their role" or some other way of saying the same thing without saying the same thing!
  • " ranked #26 for" don't use "hash" for "number" or "no." you could say "26th" instead?
  • Use non-breaking spaces between the number and "million" e.g. 10.01 million.
  • "In the two-hundredth episode which took place in the year 1941" you used 200th for the section heading, and I would say "which was set in 1941".
  • Where are production codes referenced?
  • " of viewers in the US in millions" either U.S. or US but not both, certainly not in a single sentence!
  • "Liz Allen-Rosenbaum" our article has her as Elizabeth and not hyphenated...
  • Could link US Marshal.
  • And HPD. Indeed, that needs to be expanded first time, I guess it's Hawaii Police Dept?
  • " his own high score" you don't really get a "high score" at golf, maybe "his best score"?
  • Link Seal (SEAL? consistency...) and NCIS.
  • "is an assassin out there killing" no need for "out there"
  • Plot summaries range from two sentences to a large para. I would work on trying to even them all out so they're roughly similar in size.
  • No need to link overdose, common term. Could consider "citizen's arrest" though.
  • "An evac ship" it's still an encyclopedia so evacuation.
  • " Gwendoline Baker, the top salesman" is this now the PC way to refer to a "saleswoman" or "salesperson"?
  • "a 38 caliber" normally .38.
  • "with Magnum P.I.. " no need for double full stop.
  • "on September 28, 2018 for the" comma after 2018.
  • " on July 10, 2018 with" ditto.
  • " July 20, 2018 Lenkov" ditto.
  • "cancelled " is USEng in favo(u)r of "canceled"?
  • Our article calls it TVLine.
  • "Amanda Savage[71][72] " full stop.
  • "season is returned as" feels odd, why the "is"?
  • "regular.[75][67]" ref order preferably numerical.
  • 10 PM (etc) should be 10 pm or 10 p.m. (non-breaking space in there).
  • Table could use col and row scopes for MOS:ACCESS.
  • No need for all those hashes in the table.
  • A few spaced hyphens (" - ") in there, should be en-dashes.
  • Date ranges also should use en-dash, not hyphen (e.g. see ref title for ref 82 etc) also number ranges (e.g. see refs 83, 88 etc)

That's it for a first pass. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 16:21, 24 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: We generally list people as credited within the show and Rosenbaum is credited that way in the article as well as in this source. Other than that I think everything else should be fixed. TheDoctorWho (talk) 05:33, 25 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Avoid SHOUTING in the ref titles.
  • Replace spaced hyphens in ref titles with en-dashes.
  • I suppose it's a template issue that there's a space between the Prod code ref and the table heading?

The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 14:29, 27 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Fixed the shouting, fixed the spaced hyphens I missed, and yes that appears to be a template issue. TheDoctorWho (talk) 18:49, 27 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'm still mildly concerned by the unevenness of the plot summaries, going from 33 words to 158 words.... The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:01, 27 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@The Rambling Man: There is a section in MOS:TV (specifically MOS:TVPLOT) that deals with plot summaries, the only thing about length is that they remain under 200 words. It also says Plot sections should summarize the core storyline(s) which all of these do. If you think it's a serious problem I can see if I can reduce some of the longer ones a bit more? TheDoctorWho (talk) 19:36, 27 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
If anything I'd be looking to bulk up some of the really short ones. The 33-word example, for instance, is really brief and probably needs expansion a bit. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 20:49, 27 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Alright, I'll see what I can do later tonight or tomorrow. TheDoctorWho (talk) 20:55, 28 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, always busier than I expect to be, I'll definitely get to it early this week though, thanks so much for your patience! TheDoctorWho (talk) 06:17, 30 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
No worries, let me know when you're done. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 15:59, 31 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I've been working on these at a minimum right now all summaries are above 50 words, shooting for at least an average of 80-100 words per summary. TheDoctorWho (talk) 02:24, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
TheDoctorWho thanks for the update, let me know when you think you're done. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 08:16, 7 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
TheDoctorWho how's it going? The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 10:25, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'll finish it up in a few hours. TheDoctorWho (talk) 23:57, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@The Rambling Man: Alright, didn't quite break the 80 on all of them (only 6 of the 25 are below that) but ALL of the shorter ones have been expanded in some way, the lowest worded summary is now only 58 as opposed to 33. TheDoctorWho (talk) 06:28, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Okay great, that's fine for me now so promoting. Good work. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 08:15, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the help! It was great working with you again, I'll probably have the fourth season article ready soon if you're interested I can leave a message on your talk page when it's ready. TheDoctorWho (talk) 19:47, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Sure thing. Do me a favour (and I'm sure you will), make sure the comments I've made here (in general terms) are addressed on season 4 before nominating it? We'll get it done a bit quicker next time round! Cheers, stay safe. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 19:50, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Absolutely, will do! TheDoctorWho (talk) 20:13, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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