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GA Review[edit]

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Review 1[edit]

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the estimated Hispanic population of the United States is 42.7 million (This estimate does not include the 3.9 million residents of Puerto Rico.), thereby making the people of Hispanic origin the nation's largest ethnic or race minority as of July 1, 2005.

Does this really need a whole paragraph by itself in the lead?

It is in the intro. because there is a paragraph which details these facts, plus it gives an insight as to why the Navy has focused on an increase of it's recruitment propaganda towards Hispanics. Tony the Marine (talk) 22:48, 18 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]


As of April 2007, twenty two Hispanic-Americans have reached the rank of Rear Admiral and of this number two reached the rank of Admiral and thirteen were graduates of the USNA.

This is pretty much a run-on.

Terminology[edit]

Hispanic American is an ethnic term employed to categorize any citizen or resident of the United States, of any racial background, of any country, and of any religion, who has at least one ancestor from the people of Spain or is of non-Hispanic origin, but has an ancestor from Mexico, Puerto Rico, Cuba, Central or South America, or some other Hispanic origin. The three largest Hispanic groups in the United States are the Mexican-Americans, Puerto Ricans, and Cubans.

First off, are you really saying that anyone who has just one Spanish or Mexican or whatever ancestor, just one (which is what you say) is Hispanic? The definition needs to be more precise. Certainly, you need to say how far back this ancestry is supposed to go. With this definition, you could say almost everyone is "Hispanic".

  • No, I am not the one implying that, it is the Government of the United States and it referrers to a direct ancestor, in my case up to a grandparent. The term "Hispanic" is often confused as a race, which it is not and therefore it is important that the term with it's definition in accordance to the U.S. Census is placed. Before the term was coined in 1970, we (I include myself) were people who were classified by race, however, since then all of us who have at least a Hispanic ancestor and/or who have roots to a Latin American country or Spain have been lumped into one group. To be completely honest in my personal opinion, the term has created more confusion among "Hispanics" then anything, but since this the definition by Government which is is the one who created it, I feel that it is necessary to post it. Tony the Marine (talk) 22:48, 18 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Also, instead of having this here, I think this would be better done in the lead. So, you could start the article off with a definition: "Hispanics in the United States Navy are...(definition of Hispanic America)" and then continue on.

  • What I did was eliminate the "Terminology" section and integrate it into a restructured introduction. Tony the Marine (talk) 22:48, 18 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Background[edit]

This is a very short section, couldn't it be combined, with, say the "American Revolution and the War of 1812" section? And in an article about Hispanics in the Navy, do you really need to say when exactly the Navy started?

American Revolution and the War of 1812[edit]

Farragut is thought to be one of the first Hispanic Revolutionary War heroes.

Just wondering why you refer to him as "Farragut", if it seems his last name is Mesquida?

Lieutenant Jorge Farragut Mesquida, (1755 – 1817) was a Spanish–Catalan by descent and a Minorquin by birth. When he was a young man he joined the merchant marine and commanded a small vessel that traded goods between Havana, Cuba; Veracruz, Mexico and New Orleans. He immigrated to the American Colonies and participated in the American Revolution as a lieutenant in the South Carolina Navy. During the Revolution he fought the British at Savannah, Georgia and in 1780 was captured during the battle of Charleston, South Carolina. He was released in a prisoner exchange and volunteered in the militia which fought at the Battles of Battle of Cowpens and Wilmington, North Carolina. Farragut married Elizabeth Shine and had two sons,one of them was David Farragut.

How relevant is the life story of him to the overall article? Where he fought, maybe, but not the rest. That's not to mention that the last sentence is a run-on.

  • The article is not intended to make a simple mention of the notable Hispanics who have served in the Navy, otherwise it would have been formatted as a list. The intention is also to tell about their contributions to the Navy's floklore and their heroic actions which up to now are known by not many. Tony the Marine (talk) 22:48, 18 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
On the other hand I eliminated what I believe is not revelant.Tony the Marine (talk) 03:59, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Commodore Uriah Phillips Levy (1792-1862), a Sephardic Jew of Hispanic descent born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, was the great grandson of Dr. Samuel Nunez.

Try to say who Nunez was.

A "Sephardi", is a Jew originating in the Iberian Peninsula (modern Portugal and Spain), including the descendants of those subject to expulsion from Spain by order of the Catholic Monarchs Ferdinand and Isabella (as codified in the Alhambra decree of 1492).

How relevant is this to the article?

  • Same as in the terminology of Hispanic. Unfortunately there are many people who do not understand that a Hispanic can also be a Jew and much less what a "Sephardi' is. I believe that by providing a short definition in the article of what the terms "Hispanic" and "Sephardi" are will keep the reader focused in the article where if the reader were to click on the wikilink of the terms, would most likely become distracted and loss much of the articles meaning. Tony the Marine (talk) 22:48, 18 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

In 1855, Levy was promoted to the rank of Commodore...Prior to the American Civil War, the highest rank in the U.S. Navy was Commodore.

Instead of having this in two different places, try saying: In 1855, Levy was promoted to the rank of Commodore, the highest rank in the U.S. Navy at the time"

American Civil War[edit]

During the American Civil War, the government of the United States recognized that the rapid expanding Navy was in need of admirals therefore, Congress proceeded to authorize the appointment of nine officers the rank of rear admiral.

"rapid" -> "rapidly". "nine officers the rank" -> "nine officers to the rank". Also, this whole sentence is a run-on.

The Civil War would also be the first and only conflict in which two seamen of Hispanic descent would be awarded the Medal of Honor.

Admiral David Glasgow Farragut (1801 – 1870) was born on at Campbell's Station, near Knoxville, Tennessee, to Jorge and Elizabeth Farragut. In 1808, Farragut's mother died from yellow fever and his father then gave him up for adoption. He was adopted by future-U.S. Navy Captain David Porter.

First off, I don't think Farragut was born Admiral, do you? Second, again, how important is his personal life?

"Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!"

You say these are "now famous words". But you don't cite that, and I think a quote isn't a really encyclopediac thing to have as a section title.

"Torpedoes!" was the reply. The fleet succeeded in entering the bay.

Very short sentences. Try to combine with others.

The Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration awarded by the United States government. It is bestowed on a member of the United States armed forces who distinguishes himself "…conspicuously by gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States.[20]

Seaman John Ortega (born in 1840 in Spain), was the first Hispanic sailor to be awarded the Medal of Honor for having distinguished himself during the South Atlantic Blockade by the Union Naval forces during the American Civil War.

I don't think you need a whole paragraph explaining the Medal of Honor, nor a whole paragraph just to say Ortega was the first Hispanic recipient of it.

  • I believe that telling what the Medal of Honor is for those who do not understand what it signifies is important. Of course a wikilink would technically provide that information, but it would also serve as a distraction towards other subjects not related to the article. As for Ortega, I have rephrased his paragraph. Tony the Marine (talk) 03:59, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

On January 13, 1864, Secretary of the United States Navy Gideon Welles, ordered Commander Colvocoresses and the USS Saratoga to proceed to Charleston, South Carolina, and report to Rear Admiral Dahlgren for duty in the South Atlantic Blockading Squadron in what is known as the Union blockade. The Union blockade was a massive effort by the Union Navy designed to prevent the passage of trade goods, supplies, and arms to and from the Confederate States.

How much related is this to Ortega, much less the whole article? This could be summed up in one sentence.

Ortega was a member of the landing parties from the ship who made several raids in August and September which resulted in the capture of many prisoners and the taking or destruction of substantial quantities of ordnance, ammunition, and supplies. A number of buildings, bridges, and salt works were destroyed during the expedition. For his actions Seaman John Ortega was awarded the Medal of Honor and promoted to acting master's mate.

Again, could be summed up, especially the first two.

Seaman Philip Bazaar, born in Chile, South America, was a Navy seaman who was awarded the Medal of Honor for having distinguished himself during the battle for Fort Fisher.

Again, this is redundant, as you say this in the following paragraphs.

Santiago de Cuba was a wooden, brigantine-rigged, side-wheel steamship under the command of Rear Admiral David D. Porter

On the latter part of 1864, Union General Ulysses S. Grant ordered an assault on Fort Fisher, a stronghold of the Confederate States of America. It protected the vital trading routes of Wilmington's port, at North Carolina.[23]

Rear Admiral Porter was in charge of the naval assault and General Benjamin F. Butler was in charge of the land assault. After the failure of the first assault, Butler was replaced by Major General Alfred Terry

How is this relevant?

The first two Hispanic-Americans to graduate from the United States Naval Academy were Robert F. Lopez (1850s—1936), Class of 1879, who on September 29, 1874 received an appointed to the academy from Tennessee's, 9th Congressional District, and eventually reached the rank of Commodore and Fritz L. Sandoz, Class of 1894 who would become a Commander.

This is a run-on.

World War I[edit]

Riefkohl was not the only Hispanic to be awarded the Navy Cross in World War I, George E. Fernandez a Water Tender aboard the USS Shaw was awarded the Navy Cross on October 9, 1918 when the Shaw collided with the RMS Aquitania and the Shaw was cut in two and set on fire.

This is a run-on

After the war, the following men graduated from the naval academy: Jose M. Cabanillas, Class of 1924; Edmund Ernest Garcia, Class of 1927; Charles Mario Charneco, Class of 1930; George E. Garcia, USNA Class of 1930; Henry G. Sanchez, USNA Class of 1930; Horacio Rivero, Jr., USNA Class of 1931; Juan Paul (Pablo) Domenech, Class of 1932; Juan Bautista Pesante, Class of 1934; Marion Frederic Ramirez de Arellano, Class of 1936; Edmundo Gandia, Class of 1938; Rafael Celestino Benitez, Class of 1939; Ramon Manuel Perez, Class of 1941 and Rene E. Gonzalez, Class of 1943.

Ref? And how relevant are they, if they aren't notable themselves, and didn't do anything?

World War II[edit]

When the United States officially entered World War II, Hispanic Americans were among the many American citizens who joined the ranks of the Navy as volunteers or through the draft. Hispanics served actively in the European and Pacific Theatres of war. Five Hispanics who served would eventually earn the rank of Rear Admiral and above.

Ref?

For his service he was awarded the Bronze Star with Combat “V”.

What does "with Combat "V"" mean?

Rivero was reassigned to the USS Pittsburgh (CA-72).

Short sentence.

Riefkohl ordered his men to abandon ship. The sailors manned the life rafts; among them was Ensign C. Kenneth Ruiz, who later become a submarine commander.

The first sentence is short. And how is Ruiz relevant? You mention him later, no need to have him here.

tried to save the life of Lt. Jack Lummus after he (Lummus) had stepped on a land mine

Just say Lummus, not "he (Lummus)".

Lt. Lummus, was a former Baylor University and New York Giants football player who was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor.

Relevancy?

On November 11, Sloat was assigned to the Escort Division (CortDiv) 7, and sailed out of New York Harbor with convoy UGS-24 bound for Norfolk and North Africa. The convoy arrived at Casablanca on December 2, and returned to New York on December 25, 1943. On January 10, 1944, the Sloat sailed to Casablanca and returned to New York on March. That same month the Sloat joined a convoy, consisting of 72 merchant ships and 18 LST's, which was guarded by Task Force (TF) 64. En route to Bizerte, Tunisia, the convoy was attacked by the Luftwaffe on April 1, approximately 56 miles (90 km) west of Algiers. Two planes were shot down and two damaged while only one ship in the convoy was damaged. The convoy arrived at Bizerte on April 3. Eight days later, Sloat joined another convoy and returned to New York on May 1. [43]From June 15 to July 15, the Sloat operated in the Caribbean Sea and Atlantic Ocean in search of German U-boats.

Again, relevancy?

Of the 2,889 Navy Crosses which were awarded to the members of the Navy during World War II, two were awarded to Hispanic sailors, they were: Elguterio Joe Marquez, Pharmacist's Mate Third Class and Lieutenant Eugene Anthony Valencia, both from San Francisco, California

Run-on.

Prior to World War II, traditional Hispanic cultural values expected women to be homemakers, thus they rarely left the home to earn an income. As such, women were discouraged from joining the military

The first is a run-on, the last is too short.

Among the first Hispanic women to serve in the "WAVES" were: Maria (Ferrell) Menefee and Maria (Rodriguez) Denton, a native of Guanica, Puerto Rico.

This is redundant.

Maria Menefee, was born in Guadalajara, Mexico, she joined the WAVES in 1944 and was assigned to Bronson Field, Florida.

Run-on.

LTJG Maria Rodriguez Denton was the first woman of Puerto Rican descent who became an officer in the United States Navy as member of the WAVES. '

Explain LTJG on first mention.

On June 12, 1948, The Women's Armed Services Integration Act was passed. It is a law which enabled women to serve as permanent, regular members of the United States Navy. Prior to this act, women, with the exception of nurses, served in the military only in times of war. However, it excluded women from Navy vessels and aircraft that might engage in combat.

What does this have to do with Hispanics?

After the war, the following men graduated from the naval academy: Robert Delgado, Class of 1945 and John R. Arguellas, Class of 1947.

What's this have to do with the Waves?

Cold War Era[edit]

However, according to Blind Man's Bluff: The Untold Story of American Submarine Espionage,

Just have it in the ref, no need to say the title in the article.

On August 25, one the Cochino's 4,000-pound batteries caught fire, emitting hydrogen gas and smoke. Unable to receive any help from the Tusk, Commander Benitez directed the firefighting. He ordered the Cochino to surface and had dozens of crew members lash themselves to the deck rails with ropes while others fought the blaze. Benitez tried to save his ship and at the same time save his men from the toxic gases. He realized that the winds were about to tear the ropes and ordered his men to form a pyramid on the ship's open bridge, which was designed to hold seven men.

Ref?

In 1952, Benitez was named chief...

OK, this whole section, up to this point: What is relevancy?

  • I believe to be revelant to Benitez' career as a person who played an important role in the Navy during the Cold War. Tony the Marine (talk) 02:36, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Of the 46 Navy Crosses awarded by the Navy during the Korean War, one went to a Hispanic sailor, Robert Serrano, a Hospital Corpsman from El Paso, Texas.

Ref?

The Cuban Missile Crisis was a tense confrontation between the Soviet Union and the United States over the Soviet deployment of nuclear missiles in Cuba. On October 22, 1962, Admiral Horacio Rivero was the commander of the American fleet sent by President John F. Kennedy to set up a quarantine (blockade) of the Soviet ships. On October 28, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev ordered the removal of the Soviet missiles in Cuba, and Kennedy ordered an end of the quarantine of Cuba on November 20, bringing an end to the crisis

What's the relevancy of this?

  • I believe that it presents the magnitude of Horacio's responsiblity, since one false step by him could have resulted in WW III. Tony the Marine (talk) 02:36, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The Vietnam War, was a conflict between the Democratic Republic of Vietnam (DRVN, or North Vietnam) and the Republic of Vietnam (RVN, or South Vietnam), which eventually involved their respective allies including the United States.

Ref?

Recent events[edit]

The past 20 years have witnessed dramatic increases in the percentage of Latinos (of both sexes) among active duty enlisted personnel. Latino representation in the Navy has been rising.

Ref?

Hospitalman Apprentice Luis E. Fonseca was awarded the Navy Cross. According to his citation...

You can't summarize this at all?

Further increases likely[edit]

You can be drafted as a resident alien, when there’s a draft, or you can join in the ranks as a foreigner, but you can’t be an officer unless you’re a U. S. citizen.

Using "you" is very, very informal. You should use just "A citizen can be drafted..."

  • A citizen would not be the correct term since aliens are not citizens, replaced "you" with "person" or "he/she". Tony the Marine (talk) 04:10, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

One of those programs is El Navy whose principal aim is to attract those who speak Spanish and as a consequence many Hispanics have joined the Navy as enlisted personnel and many others have applied for entrance to the Naval Academy.

Run-on.

  • fixed the run-on by eliminating a previous sentence which already made reference to the increase. Tony the Marine (talk) 04:10, 20 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

and have joined the rest of the United States in the celebration of the contributions which Hispanics in the United States Navy have made to that military institution

Why italics for "Hispanics in the United States Navy"?

References[edit]

CR (current refs) that are dead: 17- fixed, 30 - fixed, 31, - fixed 35 - fixed, 39 - The title; pag. and information of the magazine was cited, 42 - fixed, 44 - replaced, 49 - replaced, 57 - replaced, 58 - fixed, 63 - done, 71 - fixed, 83 - Eliminated, one too many, 94 - replaced with new ref., 96 - new ref., and this external link. Also, CR57 won't load. Those all need to be fixed.

General[edit]

The really big problem with this article is that it is just a list of Hispanic achievements in the Navy. This would almost be better served as a list. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 13:37, 17 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • This is an article about the little known historical facts of the contributions which Hispanics have made to the Navy as members of said military organization which includes individual achievements. At least that's the way the Pentagon saw it (smile). Tony the Marine (talk) 04:15, 19 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Review 2[edit]

American Revolution and the War of 1812[edit]

Depredations against American shipping by Barbary Coast corsairs spurred Congress to employ this power[8] by passing the Naval Act of 1794 ordering the construction and manning of six frigates.

Could you change “depredations” to another word? Also, a ref should go at the end of the sentence, if it covers all the statement made in the sentence.

Commodore Uriah Phillips Levy (1792-1862), a Sephardic Jew of Hispanic descent born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, was the great grandson of Dr. Samuel Nunez, the leader of the first Jewish colonists of Georgia.[9] A "Sephardi", is a Jew originating in the Iberian Peninsula (modern Portugal and Spain), including the descendants of those subject to expulsion from Spain by order of the Catholic Monarchs Ferdinand and Isabella (as codified in the Alhambra decree of 1492).

The explanation of Sephardic still needs to shorted. Maybe try: “Commodore Uriah Phillips Levy (1792-1862), a Sephardic Jew (a Jew originating in the Iberian Peninsula) of Hispanic descent born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, was the great grandson of Dr. Samuel Nunez, the leader of the first Jewish colonists of Georgia.”

American Civil War[edit]

During the American Civil War, the government of the United States recognized that the rapidly expanding Navy was in need of admirals therefore, on July 16, 1862Congress proceeded to authorize the appointment of nine officers to the rank of rear admiral,[14][15] Fmaking Flag Officer David Glasgow Farragut the first Hispanic-American to be appointed said grade.

First off, there are typos, which you can see. Also, the first sentence is still a run-on; the second is a fragment.

During the Civil War two seamen of Hispanic descent were awarded the Medal of Honor.

I think that you don't need to say this here, as it already has its own section down below. Actually, it should probably go in the below section.

  • Done

In 1808, Farragut's mother died from yellow fever and his father then gave him up for adoption. He was adopted by future-U.S. Navy Captain David Porter.

Try: “After Farragut's mother died from yellow fever in his 1808, his father gave him up for adoption, and he was adopted by future-U.S. Navy Captain David Porter.”

Farragut entered the Navy as a midshipman on December 17, 1810. His first naval combat experience came in the War of 1812, when the ship to which he was assigned, the USS Essex, captured an enemy vessel and, at the age of 12 years old he was given the assignment to bring the ship safely to port.

The last sentence is somewhat of a run-on. Rephrased' Ortega was a member of the landing parties from the ship who made several raids in August and September which resulted in the capture of many prisoners and the taking or destruction of substantial quantities of ordnance, ammunition, and supplies.

August and September when? And raids where?

A number of buildings, bridges, and salt works were destroyed during the expedition. For his actions Seaman John Ortega was awarded the Medal of Honor and promoted to acting master's mate.

Could be combined? And is there any information as to what exactly he did to get the Medal? Also, refer to a person by their last name after the first mention of them.

  • Done

He was assigned to the USS Santiago de Cuba, a wooden, brigantine-rigged, side-wheel steamship under the command of Rear Admiral David D. Porter.[23] On the latter part of 1864, Union General Ulysses S. Grant ordered an assault on Fort Fisher, a Confederate stronghold. which protected the vital trading routes of Wilmington's port, at North Carolina.

Why is there a plain-text “[23]” in there? Also, it should be “in the latter part”, not “on”.

On January 12, 1865, both ground and naval Union forces attempted a second land assault, after the failure of the first. Bazaar and 5 other crew members, under the direct orders from Rear Admiral Porter, carried dispatches during the battle while under heavy fire from the Confederates to Major General Alfred Terry.

Try: “During the land assault, Bazaar and 5 other crew members carried dispatches from Rear Admiral Porter to Major General Alfred Terry, while under heavy fire from the Confederates.”

The military was rife with discrimination against Hispanics. Soldiers and sailors with Spanish surnames or Spanish accents were sometimes the objects of ridicule and relegated to menial jobs. Hispanics, however continued to join the military and serve their nation.

Try: “At the time, soldiers and sailors with Spanish surnames or Spanish accents were sometimes the objects of ridicule and relegated to menial jobs. However, Hispanics continued to join the military and serve their nation.”

Lieutenant Frederick Lois Riefkohl (1889–1969), a native of Maunabo, Puerto Rico, who in 1911 became the first Puerto Rican to graduate from the USNA, served as Commander of the Armed Guard of the USS Philadelphia and on August 2, 1917 he was awarded the Navy Cross for engaging an enemy submarine. The Navy Cross is the second highest medal that can be awarded by the U.S. Navy and is awarded to members of the U.S. Navy or U.S. Marine Corps for heroism or distinguished service.

Try: “ Lieutenant Frederick Lois Riefkohl (1889–1969), a native of Maunabo, Puerto Rico, became the first Puerto Rican to graduate from the USNA, and served as Commander of the Armed Guard of the USS Philadelphia. On August 2, 1917, after engaging an enemy submarine, he was awarded the Navy Cross, the second highest medal that can be awarded by the U.S. Navy.”

George E. Fernandez a Water Tender aboard the USS Shaw was awarded the Navy Cross on October 9, 1918 when the Shaw collided with the RMS Aquitania and the Shaw was cut in two and set on fire.

First off, what is a Water Tender? Also, try: “George E. Fernandez was awarded the Navy Cross, after his actions aboard the USS Shaw on October 9, 1918, when the Shaw collided with the RMS Aquitania and was cut in two and set on fire.”

Fernandez threw the ammunition piled on the deck of the Shaw within five feet of a blazing oil tank overboard, saving the saves of many of his fellow crewmen.

Dangling modifier. Try: “Fernandez threw the ammunition that was piled on the deck of the Shaw overboard, saving the lives of many of his fellow crewmen.”

World War II[edit]

Hispanics served actively in the European and Pacific Theatres of war. Five Hispanics who served would eventually earn the rank of Rear Admiral and above

Could be combined.

Rivero’s strategies saved his ship without a single life lost and for his actions he was awarded the Legion of Merit.

What kind of strategies? In battle, during the typhoon, or what?

Riefkohl ordered his men to abandon ship and the sailors manned the life rafts

I'm just wondering how notable he is? He didn't really do anything, it seems.

  • Added info. to the first Puerto Rican USNA graduate and Navy Cross recipient, who participated in a WW II battle and who is one of few Hispanics to reach the rank of Rear Admiral. Tony the Marine (talk) 02:18, 24 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Lt. Lummus was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor.

How is this relevant is Lummus was not Hispanic?

  • You are right, Lummus was not Hispanic, but I believe that the fact that Moreno, who witnessed the flag rasing in Iwo Jima, was the person who also tried to save the life of a Medal of Honor recipient is. Tony the Marine (talk) 02:18, 24 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Captain Marion Frederic Ramirez de Arellano (1913–1980) was the first Hispanic submarine commanding officer,[39] participated in five war patrols.

Try: “Captain Marion Frederic Ramirez de Arellano (1913–1980), who was...”

Ramirez de Arellano was awarded a Bronze Star Medal with Combat V and a Letter of Commendation. On July 5, 1944, Ramirez de Arellano led the rescue of three downed Navy pilots in the Palau area.

No need for full name.

He served with distinction aboard the submarine USS Pollack

The ref for this is a book by Ruiz. First off, you should quote the specific page from the book. Plus, if he said that he served with distinction, then that's not reliable at all, and needs to be a different source.

  • Provided page, eliminated "distinction" which may seem as POV on my part. Tony the Marine (talk) 02:18, 24 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

On June 6, 1944, her secondary battery went to work on another target on the western end of "Omaha" beach.

Who's “her”?

  • Ship's are usually referred to in the female tense, however I have substituted "her" with "ship". Tony the Marine (talk) 02:18, 24 March 2009 (UTC) [reply]

Lieutenant Edward Hidalgo (birth name: Eduardo Hidalgo)

Does it make so much difference to know his name was Eduardo, not Edward?

Of the 2,889 Navy Crosses which were awarded to the members of the Navy during World War II, two were awarded to Hispanic sailors, they were: Elguterio Joe Marquez, Pharmacist's Mate Third Class and Lieutenant Eugene Anthony Valencia, both from San Francisco, California

Again, as I said, run-on. You need to say: “Of the 2,889 Navy Crosses which were awarded to the members of the Navy during World War II, two were awarded to Hispanic sailors: Elguterio Joe Marquez, Pharmacist's Mate Third Class and Lieutenant Eugene Anthony Valencia, both from San Francisco, California”

Prior to World War II, traditional Hispanic cultural values expected women to be homemakers, thus they rarely left the home to earn an income and were discouraged from joining the military.

“thus” -> “and”

While most women who served in the military joined the WAACs, a smaller number of women served in the Naval Women’s Reserve (the WAVES).

This needs a ref.

LTJG Maria Rodriguez Denton was the first woman of Puerto Rican descent...

Basically, you need to say “ LTJG (Lieutenant Junior Grade) Maria Rodriguez Denton...”. You do that a sentence later, but it needs to be on first mention.

The Navy assigned LTJG (Lieutenant Junior Grade) Denton as a library assistant at the Cable and Censorship Office in New York City. It was Lieutenant Junior Grade Denton who forwarded the news (through channels) to President Harry S. Truman that the war had ended

Why do you need to mention “ Lieutenant Junior Grade” twice? There's no need here.

Cold War Era[edit]

Throughout the period, the rivalry between the two superpowers was played out in multiple arenas: military coalitions; ideology, psychology, and espionage; sports; military, industrial, and technological developments, including the space race; costly defense spending; a massive conventional and nuclear arms race; and many proxy wars.

Do you need to give such an exhaustive list? Try to just include the most important areas of conflict.

During the latter part of 1949, in the era which is commonly known as the Cold War,

The section is already called Cold War, no need to repeat.

He ordered the Cochino to surface and had dozens of crew members lash themselves to the deck rails with ropes while others fought the blaze.

What does it mean “ had dozens of crew members lash themselves to the deck rails with ropes”. What's that have to do with it?

Benitez tried to save his ship and at the same time save his men from the toxic gases. He realized that the winds were about to tear the ropes and ordered his men to form a pyramid on the ship's open bridge, which was designed to hold seven men.

Do you really need to say all that? Couldn't you cut that down?

The Cochino suffered two casualties, Lt. Cmdr. Richard M. Wright, who survived despite the fact that he was severely burned and Robert Philo, a civilian sonar expert, who attempted to reach the Tusk on a raft to report on the conditions of the Cochino, but was knocked overboard along with 11 of the Tusk's crew members. As a result, Philo and six of the Tusk's crew perished.

Do you need to name the casualties? Can you just say “two casualties”?

The Korean War was an escalation of a civil war between two rival Korean regimes, each of which was supported by external powers, with each trying to topple the other through political and guerrilla tactics.

“ with each trying to topple the other” Which each is being referred to? The regimes, or the external powers?

The Cuban Missile Crisis was a tense confrontation between the Soviet Union and the United States over the Soviet deployment of nuclear missiles in Cuba. On October 22, 1962, Admiral Horacio Rivero was the commander of the American fleet sent by President John F. Kennedy to set up a quarantine (blockade) of the Soviet ships. On October 28, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev ordered the removal of the Soviet missiles in Cuba, and Kennedy ordered an end of the quarantine of Cuba on November 20, bringing an end to the crisis.

How relevant is this, if there is no Hispanic involvement mentioned?

  • Except for Horacio Rivero was the commander of the American fleet that set up the (blockade) of the Soviet ships, I think it's relevant. Tony the Marine (talk) 02:51, 24 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

and he became was the first American POW of the Vietnam War

“became was”?

Alvarez endured eight years and seven months of brutal captivity in which he was repeatedly beaten and tortured.

And then what? What happened to him?

Under Ruiz's command, the Bon Homme Richard' aircraft battled North Vietnamese MiGs on many occasions

What are MiGs? You need to explain.

On that date Petty Officer Valdez ran over seventy-five yards of open terrain, under constant enemy fire, to aid a fallen Marine. He then moved the wounded man to a safe area and, quickly and competently, rendered medical assistance. Again exposing himself to enemy fire, Petty Officer Valdez moved across approximately fifty yards of open ground to another Marine. While treating the second Marine, he positioned himself between the man and the hostile fire. It was at this time that Petty Officer Valdez was mortally wounded by enemy small-arms fire.

Why do you need to say “ Petty Officer Valdez” 3 times?

Recent events[edit]

The past 20 years have witnessed dramatic increases in the percentage of Latinos (of both sexes) among active duty enlisted personnel. Latino representation in the Navy has been rising.

Ref?

It is capable of anti-submarine warfare (ASW), making it an all-purpose carrier. On September 19, 1980, Libyan Air Force planes engaged in an unprecedented number of sorties in the vicinity of USS John F. Kennedy's Battle Group over international waters. F-14’s under E-2 control intercepted two Libyan sections, and six and eighteen sections, respectively, on September 20 and 21.

So how does all of this relate to Hernandez?

  • Hernandez was the commander of USS John F. Kennedy during the who ordeal, minor reprase. Tony the Marine (talk) 03:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

After an amphibious assault vehicle was struck by a rocket-propelled grenade inflicting five casualties.

Fragment

Fonseca evacuated the wounded Marines from the burning amphibious assault vehicle and tend to their wounds.

Should be “tended”.

His vehicle was rendered immobile by enemy direct and indirect fire, however he directed the movement of four casualties from the damaged vehicle by organizing litter teams from available Marines.

This is a run-on.

Further increases likely[edit]

Wikipedia is not a crystal ball. You should rename this section to something else, then.

A person can be drafted as a resident alien, when there’s a draft

No contractions, please.

Images[edit]

“File:USSSantiagodeCuba1861.jpg, File:De Arellano with awards cropped.jpg, File:Bwandlandingcraft.jpg, and File:El Navy Poster.jpg need author information.

Also, File:USS Cochino.jpg and File:Rear Admiral R.C. Benitez.jpg are found on this site, but it looks like images from a news article, and there is no guarantee that they are from any US gov source.

  • 1."File:USSSantiagodeCuba1861.jpg" - pre 1923 (Photo taken during Civil War), no copyright required and author unknown
  • 2. "File:De Arellano with awards cropped.jpg" has a source"
  • 3. "File:Bwandlandingcraft.jpg" the uploader should provide the information
  • 4. "File:El Navy Poster.jpg is propaganda image of a Navy poster as stated in the source provided.

The article was written in April 5, 1999, it is obvious that the author was not present when the images were taken and that said images are official images provided by the Navy. Rear Admiral R.C. Benitez image was taken in 1949 in full Military uniform and the image of the USS Cochino can be found here: [[1]]. Tony the Marine (talk) 05:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Then the Cochino and Benitez pictures need to be updated with where they are found, not the mishalov site. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 06:45, 25 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done - I have provided the source of the USS Cochino and also made a notation in Benitez's image that the image is also found in On page 32 of "Blind Man's Bluff: The Untold Story of American Submarine Espionage" which they credit to the Dept. of the Navy (I have the book). Tony the Marine (talk) 19:53, 25 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

References[edit]

Please do not say that references are fixed if they are not. Take a look at this page, and you'll see that all these links don't work. Please replace, correctly.

  • Dead links taken care of. Thank you for providing the "Checklinks" site. As you know the vast majority of us in Wikipedia who not article reviewers are unaware of said tool to check references. You make it sound as if I am trying to pull the wool over your eyes and I can assure you that I am not that kind of person. As you well know, when a person provides a requested references, the order of all the other references move, therefore a deadlink reference which at first appeared as #57 may be moved to #59 if two new references are posted. I did not act in bad faith, had I known about the "Checklink" in the first place, I would have done a much job in removing the deadlinks. One other thing, this article was originally created on May 2008, therefore it is no surprise that some of the websites which were posted with good faith may have moved or simply stopped to exist creating some of the deadlinks which were currently present. Tony the Marine (talk) 00:17, 25 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
My apologies for sounding harsh. WP:Checklinks is a very good tool, and it's always useful to check it before sending for GA review. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 06:47, 25 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • It's O.K., I'm glad that you pointed out the tool to me. I will add it to "helpful sites" section of my User page. Tony the Marine (talk) 19:55, 25 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry about the delay. But now that that's fixed, you need to fix the ref content. Every ref needs a publisher info, and, if possible a data. The majority do not have the former, and most not the latter, either. This does need to be completed, before we can move (to pass the article). Noble Story (talk • contributions) 13:29, 30 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • It is done (I hope), I have honestly tried to provide the publisher for every reference and additional such as dates and stuff whenever available. Tony the Marine (talk) 05:09, 31 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Still some formatting issues. I think you're missing a pipe | for some of the refs. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 07:20, 31 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm sorry, but I really, I don't understand about the formatting issue thing. I have tried my best to comply and I just can't understand why a minor issue would keep this from being a "GA". This truely has become for me one of the most diffcult GA nom. Tony the Marine (talk) 15:28, 31 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment I happened to see this article. It's a shame that ref formatting is holding up this GA review. I've started formatting the refs, go ahead and pass this and I'll address the rest by the end of the week. Dabomb87 (talk) 21:43, 31 March 2009 (UTC)][reply]
This has been a "difficult GA nom" because there were a lot of problems to fix. And refs are important to fix. But if you say you can fix the simple ref problems, then I'll pass it. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 04:26, 1 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

General[edit]

Some of the paragraphs throughout this article are rather short. If the description isn't too long, then you should try to have a summary of each soldier in just one paragraph.

Did some sentence merging especially the "Recent events" section. Tony the Marine (talk) 06:08, 26 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Also, when you refer to a ship, I think it would be better to say the name, or “the ship”, rather than “she”.

Noble Story (talk • contributions) 12:32, 22 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thank you for the advice, I think that I have taken care of it. The ships no longer are referred to in a female tense. I may have missed one or two, I hope not. Tony the Marine (talk) 00:18, 25 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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