Talk:I Am Real/GA1
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Reviewer: Lil-unique1 (talk · contribs) 22:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
Hi Carbrera I'll be taking on this review. I hope to have looked at it with some initial comments by Friday 19th ≫ Lil-Unique1 -{ Talk }- 22:11, 16 March 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you! Carbrera (talk) 23:17, 16 March 2021 (UTC).
Infobox
[edit]- Under studio - change JSM Music Studio to JSM Music (the word studio is redundant here)
- Removed "Studio".
- Per MOS:OVERLINK, New York City is deemed a common location so should not be wikilinked
- Removed link.
- Alt text is too complex and misses the point. Per WP:ALT, the text should describe solely what is in the picture therefore the first bit " In the cover artwork for Australian television personality Simon van Kempen's debut single "I Am Real", he" is redundent. It should read "A man appears in red lather pants and a black t-shirt against a solid red background. The song's title and his name appear to the left of him"
- Thank you for coming up with a suggested description.
- Per Template:Infobox_song#length, {{duration}} is not needed as only one duration is present.
- Removed template.
Intro
[edit]- Remove the bit about it being van Kempen's only song recorded as that could change at some point in the future.
- Removed "and only song"
- If you are going to say "described as a pop and EDM track" then you need to say who described the track that way otherwise call it a "pop and EDM" track, losing the "describe".
- Removed "Described as"
- Change "contains cheeky lyrics and addresses the critics of van Kempen" to "contains tongue-in-cheek that address Van Kempen's critics."
- Reworded accordingly.
- Link TV personality to Celebrity
- Linked.
Background and release
[edit]- Unlink New York City per above
- Removed link.
- The word "ultimately" is borderline fancruft - its superfluous and not needed.
- Removed "ultimately".
- "JSM Music typically creates songs for advertisements and commercials." - this is slightly synthesised as the source says "music for commercials". Music could be jingles not just songs etc.
- Changed "songs" to "music".
Composition and lyrics
[edit]- I think you've used the mention in TV Guide, where it says "wanabe club anthem" to get the genre EDM. This is problematic because of the word "wanabe" which means "trying to be", and secondly EDM isn't the only kind of dance music or music that is played in clubs. This is synthesisy from said source, however The Awl does call the song EDM and Dance (a.k.a dance-pop so those could be sourced from The Awl.
- Made adjustments to this sentence.
- Link tongue-in-cheek
- Linked. Carbrera (talk) 16:36, 22 March 2021 (UTC).
- Revisit the sentence "Reviewers noted the presence of Auto-Tune or said that van Kempen's pitch remained uncorrected". TV Guide says the lack of Auto-Tune was refreshed, whereas Yahoo! said it was Auto-Tuned awfulness. That's not what the sentence in this section says.
- Made adjustments this sentence.
- Link hater to Anti-fan.
- Linked. Carbrera (talk) 16:36, 22 March 2021 (UTC).
Reception and promotion
[edit]- "explaining that given van Kempen's multiple appearance on the show" → should be "multiple appearances" not "multiple appearance"
- Added "s"; my bad.
- Revisit the alt text for Luann de Lesseps' picture. Also the caption is uncessarily wordy, lose the "pictured in 2011 bit" and replace with (above) so it reads "The song received comparisons to "Money Can't Buy You Class", a 2010 single by fellow Housewives cast member Luann de Lesseps (above)"
- Reworded accordingly.
References and copy
[edit]- References all look okay
- Copyvio looks fine
Summary
[edit]- Good job. Seven days should suffice for fixing? ≫ Lil-Unique1 -{ Talk }- 23:03, 17 March 2021 (UTC)
- Hey Lil-unique1, thank you again for the review. I have made adjustments to the article and left you some comments above. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. Carbrera (talk) 16:37, 22 March 2021 (UTC).
- Carbrera I'll be passing this now. Good job! ≫ Lil-Unique1 -{ Talk }- 16:56, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
- Hey Lil-unique1, thank you again for the review. I have made adjustments to the article and left you some comments above. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. Carbrera (talk) 16:37, 22 March 2021 (UTC).