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Talk:Iskaq Tjokrohadisurjo/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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Reviewer: Golden (talk · contribs) 18:29, 2 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article over the next few days. — Golden call me maybe? 18:29, 2 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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  • Originating in - A better word here would be "Born in" or "Hailing from".
  • Changed
  • Done
  • What is PNI?
  • De-abbreviated
  • Briefly introduce Sukarno.
  • Done, with "President"

Early life and career

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  • Move the wikilink for Javanese people to the word "Javanese" in the phrase His parents were Javanese nobility.
  • Done
  • What is "Perhimpoenan Indonesia"?
  • Nationalist student organization. Added.

Early political career

[edit]
  • Briefly introduce Sartono, Ali Sastroamidjojo, and Wiryono Kusumo.
  • Added, added, removed
  • The first two sentences could be merged as "..founded the first native Indonesian law office in Batavia.."
  • Fair enough, merged
  • Move the wikilink for Bandung to its first mention.
  • Done
  • whom he thought would fit in better in Bandung - Do we know why he thought this?
  • Not explained in source. I can postulate because Bandung was a much cooler place (temperature wise) for Europeans, but that's WP:RS.
  • When the Indonesian National Party (PNI) was founded in 1927, Iskaq was one of its co-founders - This could be shortened to "Iskaq co-founded the Indonesian National Party (PNI) in 1927.."
  • Updated
  • Briefly introduce Sukarno.
  • "future President" work?
  • Iskaq was arrested due to involvement in PNI - Can you provide some context as to why involvement in PNI became a problem in 1929, when it seemingly wasn’t in 1927?
  • Not sure how to. It could very much have been that it only got big enough to be worrying in 1929, but I could not find this explicitly stated.
  • Briefly introduce Soenario.
  • Added
  • What is Partindo?
  • Will that suffice?
  • Briefly introduce Sudiro.
  • Added
  • It would be helpful to include a brief description of the Renville Agreement.
  • Added.

Cabinet Minister: 1951–1954

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  • brought him into conflict with the Masyumi Party - Why? It would be helpful to have some context here.
  • Added
  • Sudiro has already been wikilinked, so the second link should be removed.
  • Done
  • Briefly introduce Daud Beureu'eh.
  • Would that be good?
  • enroll a son - "his son" would be a better choice.
  • Updated

Later career and death

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  • Can you provide a brief description of the 30 September Movement?
  • That way?

References

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  • Spot-checked references #1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 20, 29, 41, 42
  • I couldn't find any information about Iskaq working as "an advocate at the Surabaya High Court" in reference #3. Could you provide the exact quote?
  • Third page of the article. "Mr. Iskaq pernah memimpin Partindo Cabang Manado. Pada saat bersamaan ia juga mengelola kantor hukum di sana. Tetapi setelah mengalami masa-masa suram di sana, ia kembali ke Surabaya dan menjadi advocaat en procureur di Pengadilan Tinggi Surabaya (1933-1944)."
  • You're missing page number for ref #29.
  • Updated
  • I could not verify ref #6 for the sentence Iskaq refused to participate in the new party.
  • Second page of the article. "PNI keok pada Pemilu pertama Orde Baru pada 1971, dan dipaksa berfusi dengan partai-partai nasionalis lain pada 10 Januari 1973. Iskaq menolak masuk Partai Demokrasi Perjuangan hasil fusi itu."
  • Link for ref #42 is broken.
  • That one should be considered an offline newspaper source - paywalls, auths, and whatnot. I'll remove the hyperlink.

General comments

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The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.