Talk:Jake the Brick/GA1
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GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 19:56, 24 May 2016 (UTC)
- Grabbing this for a review. I should have my comments up by the end of the day. Aoba47 (talk) 19:56, 24 May 2016 (UTC)
Lead[edit]
- Add that the episode debuted on Cartoon Network
- Give some indication on the reasons behind the positive critical reception. Make it into a separate sentence from the ratings (or you can connect the two ideas with a semicolon) to avoid a run-on sentence.
- Otherwise, great job!
Plot[edit]
- Either remove the phrase “just in case” or complete the clause. Just in case of what?
- I would suggest clarifying the meaning of “after a while” if possible. If the show does not clarify the amount of time that passed, then the transition can be kept.
- I would suggest changing “All the while Jakes narrates” to “While Jake narrates”
- I would remove “and soon” as it is unnecessary.
Production[edit]
- Quick question: You mention that the episode was “one of the few episodes to have to have been generated from a game of exquisite corpse” so it may benefit the article to include the titles of the other episodes inspired by the game. This is just a suggestion and something I was thinking about when reading the article so you do not have to change this if you do not want to (or do not have the sources for it).
Reception[edit]
- I would suggest adding a topic sentence to the second paragraph, such as (Critical reception to the episode was largely positive)
- Remove the citation after the first sentence in the second paragraph as the entire paragraph is being cited from the source and you only need to use the citation at the end of the paragraph when you are switching sources.
- I would change “seems to emphasize” to “emphasizes” for clarity.
- You use the verb “noting” twice in very close proximity so I would suggest finding another word. You also use noting in the third paragraph. Be careful about overusing the same verb.
References[edit]
- Great references; for the future, I would encourage you to archive your electronic sources to avoid any dead or broken links in the future