Talk:James Hill (British Army officer)/GA1
GA Review
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I will have to take several sittings at this article before it is completed (a bit busy at the moment). I will leave comments as I see them below and then I'll provide a summary at the end. Regards--Jackyd101 (talk) 16:20, 10 October 2009 (UTC)
"The division was withdrawn to England in September 1944, but briefly saw itself in the Ardennes in December" - saw itself doesn't really make sense to me, can you clarify this?
- Clarified
- Link to Walter Hill goes to a disambiguation page. If the article doesn't exist I recommend creating it.
- I tried to before, but I've no sources on him. I've delinked him for now; maybe something can be found online.
- Unless its part of a title, military ranks shouldn't be capitalised.
- Can you highlight where this occurred?
- WHen he is promoted to captain and major the ranks are capitalised but I don't think they should be as they are not part of a direct title. Its not vital and I leave it up to you.
"should German forces land there; during his stay in the city" - the "during his stay in the city" seems redundant in the context of the sentance.
- Yeah, removed it.
- "
he found several Germans staying at the Gresham Hotel, where he was lodged." - First of all it needs a capital letter. Secondly, who were these Germans and why is this an important fact (Ireland was neutral at the time after all).
- Ahh, removed that bit; it was only something from the newspaper obituaries and isn't exactly important.
"because it was too dependent on there being good weather on the day of the raid" - not clear enough. Instead of "it" use something like "their deployment"
- Done
- "
A short time after the battalion entered Béja, German arrived and bombed the town," - German what?
- Whoops, added 'aircraft'
"Hill was shot three times in the chest and his adjutant wounded, and the tank crew swiftly dispatched with small arms fire" - there should be an although rather than the and after the comma.
- Done
- "with 3rd Parachute Brigade occupying an area around Rochefort" - Rochefort is a dismiguation page.
- "several attacks against German positions in the village of Bure, which resulted in heavy casualties" - to which side?
- I've tried to add links to towns that are mentioned but not linked, but some are coming up as red. Since I always feel these links are important for readers who want to locate these places, please double check spelling etc. to link as many as possible.
GA Pass
[edit]Hi there, I am happy to tell you that this article has passed GA without the need for any further improvement. Listed below is information on how the article fared against the Wikipedia:good article criteria. There are some additional comments above that may assist you in future processes, but I have to say that I believe this article is not far from FAC standard and I would likely give it my support should it be nominated (although I may have one or two additional comments).
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose):
b (MoS):
- a (prose):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references):
b (citations to reliable sources):
c (OR):
- a (references):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects):
b (focused):
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- a (fair representation):
b (all significant views):
- a (fair representation):
- It is stable.
- It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.
- a (tagged and captioned):
b (lack of images does not in itself exclude GA):
c (non-free images have fair use rationales):
- a (tagged and captioned):
- Overall:
- a Pass/Fail:
- a Pass/Fail:
Thankyou and congratulations, an excellent addition to Wikipedia:Good Articles. All the best.--Jackyd101 (talk) 11:11, 11 October 2009 (UTC)