Talk:Jim Bottomley/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: TCN7JM (talk · contribs) 04:45, 24 May 2013 (UTC)

I've never reviewed a baseball player article before, but I think I'm familiar enough with standards to give it a shot. You gotta start somewhere, you know? If I miss anything or touch on stuff that isn't an actual standard, I'm definitely open to constructive criticism. The review will come either tomorrow night or on Saturday, as I'll be unavailable for most of tomorrow. TCN7JM 04:45, 24 May 2013 (UTC)

Great. I'm unavailable for all of Memorial Day weekend, so I can't respond to anything until Tuesday. – Muboshgu (talk) 15:37, 24 May 2013 (UTC)

Okay, time for some comments.

1. Shouldn't "Jim" be in quotation marks in bold after his middle name?

Personally, I don't think so. I thought there was a line in MOS about not needing to do that for common abbreviated names, but I've been unable to find it when I've gone looking, so it might've been in my imagination. Anyway, Jim is a standard shortening of James, to the point where I don't think it's necessary to include, but I wouldn't mind further input on that. – Muboshgu (talk) 18:17, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. "He played for the Cardinals through the 1932 season, when he was traded to the Reds." - This sentence makes it seem like Bottomley was traded to Cincinnati during the 1932 season, even though that is not the case.

Changed to "...1932 season, after which he was..." – Muboshgu (talk) 18:17, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. Later in that paragraph, you say he played two more seasons for the Browns. This is a bit inconsistent seeing as the reader doesn't yet know how many seasons he played for the Reds or how he got to the Browns.

Added the clause "After playing for Cincinnati for three years, ..." for clarity – Muboshgu (talk) 18:17, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. Bottomley's batting average did not "drop to .316" in 1924, per se, seeing as it is a new season. Unless you are talking about his career batting average, this should be reworded.

Changed the sentence to "Bottomley posted a .316 batting average in 1924" – Muboshgu (talk) 18:17, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. To say in one sentence that the Cardinals won the NL pennant and then in the next that they defeated the Yankees in the World Series is redundant.

Striken. – Muboshgu (talk) 19:14, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. No 1930 regular season stats?

Well, I was looking for that just now but instead found his manager calling 1930 his "worst season", so I went with that instead. He did bat over .300 in 1930 though, so I guess the perception that he was off (and the 1931 spring training position battle) should suffice. – Muboshgu (talk) 18:59, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. Saying that Bottomley described himself as "a bust as far as hitting goes" as the Cards lost the World Series makes it sound like he was doing so while they lost. This should be split into two different sentences.

Agreed. Done. – Muboshgu (talk) 18:21, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. What was his salary during the 1933 season? Your mentioning the salary dispute but not what came of it makes me curious.

An oversight. I went looking for info and found a source on the agreement, which only gave an estimated range.[1] – Muboshgu (talk) 18:25, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. When during the 1936 season did Bottomley announce that he would decide to retire?

July. Beefed that up. – Muboshgu (talk) 18:30, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

1. There needs to be a comma after the second word in "Bourbon, Missouri".

Added – Muboshgu (talk) 18:30, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

That's about it for me. Images look good, etc. I'm gonna leave this on hold for ya. Have fun! TCN7JM 05:41, 30 May 2013 (UTC)

Great. I'll start on this tomorrow. – Muboshgu (talk) 13:36, 2 June 2013 (UTC)

Done, I think. – Muboshgu (talk) 19:14, 4 June 2013 (UTC)

Alright, looks great. I'm passing the article. Great work! TCN7JM 20:45, 4 June 2013 (UTC)