Talk:Joanne (Lady Gaga song)/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 16:55, 13 November 2017 (UTC)
- Grabbing this for a review if that is okay with you. I enjoy the song so I would be interested to learn more about it while helping to make this article as strong as it can possibly be. Aoba47 (talk) 16:55, 13 November 2017 (UTC)
- Lead and infobox
- Something about this sentence (Gaga's intention for writing the song was to have it as a healing effect for those who deal with loss) just reads a little off to me, particularly this part (was to have it as a healing effect). Do you think it would be more beneficial to simplify the sentence with concise language, such as the follow suggestion: Gaga intended the song to have a healing effect for those dealing with loss.
- For this particular sentence (Musically, it is a country song with stripped-down acoustic composition and lyrically talks about Joanne's death from Gaga's family's point of view.), I am not sure how this part (lyrically talks about Joanne's death from Gaga's family's point of view) fits with the flow. Since it is following “with”, I was a little confused transition into this part. I would either recommend changing that part to (lyrics talking about…) to go along with the “with” part or adding a comma after “composition” to signal that the rest of the sentence is on a different idea.
- For this sentence (The track received positive feedback with praise for Gaga's vocals, the personal nature of the composition and the stripped down nature), do you need the “with praise” part? It does not seem necessary to me and is a little repetitive. I think you can remove it and not lose anything from the sentence.
- I am not sure about the phrasing in this part (The song is frequently performed on), particularly the “frequently performed” section. Something about adding the word “frequently” makes me a little confused, as it could be read as implying that she primarily performs the song on tour, but also does not enough occasions for it to be noteworthy. I may be reading too much into one word, but I would remove “frequently” as it introduces too much room for ambiguity and misinterpretation in my opinion.
- In this phrase (appeared during one of the important scenes in her documentary), I am not sure about the use of the phrasing “one of the important scenes” as it borders a little too much on POV issues for my taste. Who determined the scene was “important? Critics? Gaga? The word “important” is not brought up in the body of the article so I am not seeing where this is supported exactly. I think you could just cut the “during of one of the important scenes” to just have “during a scene”.
- This is more of a clarification question, but should there be a release date in the infobox as this is an album track that was never released as a single? I am just asking as I have seen a FA article (“Missing My Baby”) without one in the infobox. It may be a stylistic choice, but I just wanted to raise this to your attention.
- Finished this section. Addressed all the points except release date, which I have kept. According to {{Infobox song}}, the release date parameter is not only for single/album, but for any release when it was commercially available. "Joanne" became available for purchase individually from the album on the album's release date. —IB [ Poke ] 05:31, 23 November 2017 (UTC)
- Background and development
- Do you think that you should write out and link Lady Gaga in the first sentence as it is the first time you are referencing her in the body of the article?
- I do not believe “nick-naming” needs a dash. I have always seen it as “nicknaming”, but it may a stylistic choice in spelling. I wanted to bring this to your attention.
- I would explain this part (nick-naming her first concert tour after her aunt) as little bit more as it is not clear how the aunt’s name is connected to the tour. I understand it from the context of the article, from this sentence here (Those who worked on Gaga’s subsequent Fame Ball Tour referred to the tour by the nickname Joanne), but it is not made clear in the article.
- When you first mention Joanne, I would add the year in which it was released.
- For this part (emphasized on how Joanne had influenced her family and herself), should it be “how much”?
- I would add ALT text to the image.
- Recording and composition
- I would add ALT text to the image.
- I am not sure about the following sentence (In an interview with Zane Lowe at Beats 1, Gaga revealed that it was a "one-take song”, written in the time signature of common time with a moderately slow tempo of 74 beats per minute.) as the sentence construction implies she also revealed the song’s time signature and tempo in the interview as well.
- For this sentence (Andrew Unterberger from Billboard noted that the lyrics, which pay homage to Joanne, is written in first person, but the context is derived from Gaga's family's perspective about her aunt's death.), the references need to be rearranged into the correct order.
- For this sentence (Featuring writing and producing credit from Gaga and Ronson, additional producer on the track was BloodPop.), you are missing a word in front of “additional”. I would recommend something like “an”.
- Critical reception
- Something about this part (NME's Emily Mackay wrote about the song,) reads a little weird to me. I do not necessarily see the value in the “wrote about the song” part, and would just cut it to say something like (wrote that the song was "a leavetaking song of great, simple beauty, more tenderly affecting than anything Gaga's done before, showcasing the emotive power rather than the force of that great voice.”) to be more concise.
- Is there any reason for the split in paragraphs? Are the two paragraphs covering different topics in the criticism of the song? If so, I would add a topic sentence to the second paragraph to emphasize this.
- Live performances and media appearance
- Since the song appeared in a commercial and a documentary, should be section title read “media appearances”?
- Please add ALT text for the image.
- References
- Is there a reason why the title for Reference 15 is in italics?
- {{cite AV media notes}} automatically italicizes the text present in the title parameter. —IB [ Poke ] 05:42, 23 November 2017 (UTC)
- Final comments
- Great work with this article. once my comments are addressed. I will pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 17:32, 13 November 2017 (UTC)
- @Aoba47:, one of the great things of seeing your name as reviewer is that I would know, for sure, that the article will only get better. :) —IB [ Poke ] 08:06, 14 November 2017 (UTC)
@Aoba47: hi, sorry for derailing with some other work. All comments have been addressed now. —IB [ Poke ] 05:42, 23 November 2017 (UTC)
- Verdict
- Thank you for addressing everything. I really enjoyed reading this article and learning more about the song. I will ✓ Pass this as a Good Article. Aoba47 (talk) 17:07, 23 November 2017 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.