Talk:Julius Franks/GA2
GA Review
[edit]Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Review by Dabomb87 (talk · contribs)
Comprehensiveness and sources
- Like the previous GA reviewer, I was a bit concerned about comprehensiveness. However, after a Google search and a search on a couple online databases, I only dug up one thing that can be added, see User:Dabomb87/Misc for the information and source. (I can't give you the link because it is from a paid database).
- Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:27, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
- Web citations should have publishers and last access dates in addition to web page titles and URLs.
- Newspapers should be in italics. This can be done by putting them in the
work=parameter in the citation template.
Prose
- "Illness cut short his collegiate athletic career." No reason to use the passive here. Why not: "His collegiate athletic career was cut short by illness."
- I think you are confused. The former is the active and the latter is the passive form.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:30, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
- You are correct. I don't know what I was thinking. Dabomb87 (talk) 04:39, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
- I think you are confused. The former is the active and the latter is the passive form.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:30, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
- "Franks pursued a career in dentistry after Michigan."-->After his education, Franks pursued a career in dentistry.
- "Franks was born in Macon, Georgia,[1] but raised in Hamtramck, Michigan"—False contrast. That he was raised in Michigan does not contradict his birth in Georgia; it is merely additional information. Change "but"-->and.
- "After graduating from high school, he attended the University of Michigan where he became the third African-American to play for the Michigan Wolverines football team." Comma after first "Michigan".
- "hardest working" Needs a hyphen.
- "The 1942 Wolverines' offensive line that included"-->The 1942 Wolverines' offensive line, which included
- I'll take your word for it.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:40, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
- "Franks credited the group's success to playing scrimmages " What do you mean by "playing scrimmages"? I follow football and still don't understand what that means.
- "Franks was a 60-minute player" Another phrase that will leave our readers who don't understand football in the dark.
- "Fritz Crisler was a regular visitor to his hospital room, and Tom Harmon" Who are Crisler and Harmon? Add descriptions in the text.
- "In 1982, Franks was named to the University of Michigan Hall of Honor in the fifth class of inductees. Only eleven Michigan football players earned this honor before him."-->In 1982, Franks was named to the University of Michigan Hall of Honor in the fifth class of inductees; he was the twelfth Michigan football player to earn this honor.
- "Franks was
alsoa leader in the Urban League, United Way, American Red Cross, Boy Scouts of America, and Rotary Club." - "In 1964, Michigan Governor George Romney appointed Franks as one of the members of Western Michigan University's first Board of Trustees. He served as a trustee until 1983."-->In 1964, Michigan Governor George Romney appointed Franks to Western Michigan University's first Board of Trustees, where he served as a trustee until 1983.
- "In the 1960s, Franks had a role in integrating Grand Rapids."-->In the 1960s, Franks helped to integrate Grand Rapids.
- "and real estate agents would not
evenshow them houses." - "In 1962, Franks' friend, J.E. Adams" Comma after here.
- Can the last two paragraphs be merged? They look stubby.
- "In later years, Franks also was"-->In later years, Franks was also
On hold for now. Dabomb87 (talk) 23:10, 9 January 2009 (UTC)
The addition of the info makes the article much better. Passing. Dabomb87 (talk) 04:42, 10 January 2009 (UTC)