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Talk:Lei'd in Hawaii/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:50, 25 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Live album for once! --K. Peake 09:50, 25 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

[edit]
  • Remove the default cover from the infobox, as that is for example pages rather than albums with no actual cover
  • The HIC Arena is not sourced anywhere in the body
  • Wikilink live album
  • "by the American rock band" → "by American rock band" with the pipe
  • "of their 1967 release Smiley Smile." → "of their 12th studio album, Smiley Smile (1967)."
  • Remove [1] from the lead since not only is that sourced in the body, but refs are discouraged here
  • "Monterey Pop Festival in June." → "Monterey Pop Festival the following month."
  • "in late August, the band's" → "in late August 1967, the Beach Boys'"
  • Remove the first shows part since it's not notable for the lead
  • Add a sentence directly after the Wilson one mentioning that however, Bruce Johnston declined to appear at the shows, so the para is a decent length of four sentences
  • "the group arranged their songs in a similar minimalist style as" → "the band arranged their songs in a minimalist style similar to" with the pipe
  • Pipe Baldwin organ to Baldwin Piano Company
  • "Their set-list included several of their past" → "The Beach Boys' set-list included past"
  • Pipe singles to Single (music)
  • "in September, the band" → "in September 1967, the band"
  • "as a live-in-the-studio album with the intention of inserting" → "as a live album in the studio, intending to insert" to be less repetitive with the body
  • "The project was" → "Lei'd in Hawaii was"
  • "their next album, Wild Honey." → "their next studio album, Wild Honey (1967)."
  • Start the last para with a sentence about the critical reception for Lei'd in Hawaii
  • Write reissues instead of box sets since the former is sourced in the body

Background

[edit]
  • The img text is not of any relevance; either reword or replace the img
  • "The band's concerts in" → "Their concerts in"
  • "while a sell-out, received" → "while selling out, were met with"
  • "had bestowed upon the group" → "had bestowed upon them" because they are a band and changing to "them" may seem to be about other shows
  • "In June, Brian Wilson" → "In June 1967, Brian Wilson"
  • Remove comma before Smile and add the release year
  • "The band also announced" → "The Beach Boys also announced"
  • "they focused on" → "the band focused on" and add the album's release year
  • Pipe rock n' roll to Rock and roll
  • "Brian's 2016 memoir" → "Brian Wilson's 2016 memoir" per MOS:SAMESURNAME
  • "Rumors that the band" → "Rumors that the Beach Boys"

Live performances

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  • Img looks good!
  • "to play the" → "to play at the"
  • "appearance from Brian Wilson," → "appearance from Wilson," per him being the most recent person of the surname mentioned
  • "felt that the band's situation" → "felt that the Beach Boys' situation"
  • Remove usage of "the" prior to NME
  • Pipe Baldwin organ to Baldwin Piano Company
  • "Doe adds that Wilson's" → "Doe adds that Brian's" per MOS:SAMESURNAME (another Wilson is mentioned here)
  • Add surnames of Carl and Alan using [], as this is the first time that either of them are mentioned
  • "stated that the occasion," → "stated that the performances,"
  • "their venue, Brian responded," → "a venue, Brian Wilson responded," since Carl is the most recent Wilson to be mentioned
  • "We wanted to another..." it looks like the word do is either missing from the quote or needs to be inserted using []
  • "It would have been the band's" → "It would have been their"
  • Wikilink live album outside of the quote per MOS:LINKSTYLE
  • "speculated that a" → "speculates that a"
  • "Smiley Smile album."" → "Smiley Smile album"." per MOS:QUOTE
  • "show the group" → "shows the band"
  • "their wives and girlfriends."" → "their wives and girlfriends"."
  • "The group reconfigured" → "The Beach Boys reconfigured"
  • Are you sure "the engagement" is an appropriate term here?
  • "included several of their past hits," → "included several past hits," to avoid overusage of their
  • "and the Box Tops'" → "and a cover version of the Box Tops'"
  • "Footage of the band performing" → "Footage of them performing"
  • Add the release year of "God Only Knows" in brackets
  • Wikilink Radio City Music Hall, keeping pipe to An All-Star Tribute to Brian Wilson only on the text after the hall name
  • "the group decided that the recordings were" → "the Beach Boys decided that the set was"
  • "wrote that the band" → "wrote that they"

Studio sessions

[edit]
  • Pipe Wally Heider Recording to Wally Heider Studios
  • "September 29 as the band" → "September 29, as the band"
  • Isn't the song titled "The Game of Love"? Either way, add the release year in brackets
  • Pipe overdubbed to Overdubbing
  • Pipe spoken-word to Spoken word
  • "of what became" → "of what became the Beach Boys' 13th studio album" and add the release year
  • Remove wikilink on the Beatles

Release

[edit]

Critical reception

[edit]
  • "way with swing."" → "way with swing"." per MOS:QUOTE
  • "wrote that the studio sessions" → "said that the studio sessions"
  • Put more of Priore's review into your own words per WP:QUOTEFARM
  • Pipe Pitchfork to Pitchfork (website)
  • Wikilink the Who
  • Pipe Uncut to Uncut (magazine)
  • The Mike Love mention is not notable for the above review

Set list and tracks

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References

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  • The ref is not needed after the note since it is also at the end of the sentence in the body
  • Copyvio score looks solid at 24.2%!!!!
  • Is ref 4 really needed when all of those pages are included for ref 5 already?
  • Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 8
  • Wikilink Da Capo Press on ref 10
  • WP:OVERLINK of The Honolulu Advertiser on ref 12
  • Remove the publisher from ref 15
  • Is ref 17 really needed when all of those pages are included for ref 20 already?
  • Wikilink Rolling Stone on ref 19 instead of ref 23, though mark both with url-access limited
  • Wikilink AllMusic on ref 22 instead of ref 24
  • Pipe Uncut to Uncut (magazine) on ref 26 and remove it from the title
  • Pipe Backbeat Books to Rowman & Littlefield

Final comments and verdict

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  •  Done A few suggestions were not heeded because they didn't make sense (ex. adding a release year for Smile) or I wasn't sure how to implement them (ex. adding a note about critical reception to lead without it being WP:SYNTH). ili (talk) 20:22, 27 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • ILIL I must have not noticed the unfinished part during the review, but you can mention what critics mostly praised/criticized about the album without giving an overall consensus if you are trying to avoid WP:SYNTH; what else did you not implement? --K. Peake 07:53, 28 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Kyle Peake:  Done I've added a statement about critical perspective in the lead. I did not remove the detail about the concerts being the first to feature Brian Wilson since 1965 because I thought that it was indeed lead-worthy. It was highly unusual for a rock group to tour without their frontman in the 1960s, and this occasion marked Wilson's last appearances in concert for the decade. ili (talk) 19:37, 28 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • I can't do that because the claims corresponding to ref 3 (Badman pp. 188-190) aren't the same claims corresponding to ref 16 (Badman p. 199). If what you're actually suggesting is to combine the citations into "Badman pp. 188-190, 199", then I'm not sure why being less specific with sources would be an improvement. ili (talk) 08:53, 29 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • As I've explained, the relevant text simply corresponds to different pages of the book. There's a relatively sizable amount of detail spread across the pages. Ref 3 pertains to details about their Monterey cancellation (May–June 1967) and ref 4 pertains to the subsequent recording and release of Smiley Smile (June–September 1967). I could have combined every sfn template into "Badman pp. 183-201" but then the reader would be forced to peruse 18 pages just to find the one sentence that would support the claim they're trying to verify. ili (talk) 21:30, 29 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]