Talk:Lisa on Ice/GA2

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GA Reassessment[edit]

I'm starting a reassessment because the article was reviewed in a very short time. Upon reading it, I found several problems specific to the GA criteria. I am sure these problems can be fixed and the status restored in short order. Wronkiew (talk) 23:37, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Prose[edit]

  • "In trying to salvage her gym grade, she finds she possesses a skill for hockey, and rivalry with Bart in the rink escalates into their home life and beyond, fueled considerably by parents and coaches." Unreadable, too many clauses.
 Done
  • Every sentence in the first paragraph consists of two complete ideas conjoined by "and". This is bad form and makes it unnecessarily difficult to read.
 Done
  • "In order to pass and get the straight A grades she desires, she must join a sports program outside of school." Straight-A needs a hyphen.
 Done
  • "When Principal Skinner calls all the Springfield Elementary students down for an assembly to tell them which subjects they are failing, Lisa discovers to her horror that she is failing gym class." The dependent clause is longer than the independent clause, which is difficult to read.
 Done
  • "One of the things Scully loved as a child was to sit and listen by the radio waiting to see if there was going to be school snow day, and the episode starts out with Lisa tricking Bart into believing it is a snow day by throwing a snowball at him which she made out of the ice in the fridge." Unreadable, too many clauses.
 Done
  • (critical) "The match is tied and the residents of Springfield, not satisfied with this outcome, begin tearing the stadium to pieces." Run on sentence.
    Not done Not sure what you mean here.
    A run-on sentence is two sentences joined together without a semicolon or a comma plus a conjunction. The first sentence is "The match is tied". It needs a comma after the "tied", or they should be joined together a different way.
 Done

Wronkiew (talk) 05:33, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

  • (critical) "Scully thought there was nothing more disappointing then on an expected snow day to wake up and finding out there was no snow, which constantly happened to him as a child." There are a number of problems with this sentence. "Then" implies an order of events, and "disappointing than" is needed here. The phrase "snow day to wake up and finding" is broken in a few ways. What constantly happened to Scully? That he thought there was nothing more disappointing? That he woke up? I know what it is supposed to mean, but the there clause is not clear enough to understand on first reading.
    Not done Any suggestions on how I can reword that sentence?
    "Scully thought, because of his experience as a child, that there was nothing more disappointing than to wake up expecting a snow day, only to find out there was no snow."
 Done Thanks!
  • "When Moe visits Bart and Lisa at the Simpsons house to see if they have any injuries that may affect the odds of the upcoming game, Marge sends him away and he pleads: "They're gonna take my thumbs", which is a reference to Eric Roberts' line, "Charlie, they took my thumbs", from the 1984 film The Pope of Greenwich Village." Too many clauses to be clearly understood.
 Done

MoS[edit]

  • Lead sections
    • (critical) First sentence says it is the eighth episode, but this is not repeated elsewhere in the article.
      Not done This article is modeled after the Simpsons episode FA's, which only mentions the episode number in the lead.
      You're right on this one. Wronkiew (talk) 05:33, 8 October 2008 (UTC)
    • Nielsen rating needs a reference.
 Done
    • (critical) The lead fails to mention that this is a television episode.
      Not done Same here, this article is modeled after the Simpsons episode FA's, which does not mention it as a "television episode."
      The GA criteria for the article lead provides an example of how to establish context in the first sentence: "Homer Simpson is a fictional character in the television series..." Wronkiew (talk) 05:33, 8 October 2008 (UTC)
 Done
  • Words to avoid
    • "TV Squad's Adam Finley claimed the episode was 'a skewering of parents who become too involved in their children's sports and turn what should be a lesson in teamwork, trying your hardest, and losing gracefully into a kind of Roman Coliseum where grown adults live out violent fantasies and their own failed ambitions through their children'." The word claimed should be used only in the specific circumstances described in the MoS.
 Done

Attribution[edit]

  • (critical) "In its original American broadcast, "Lisa on Ice" finished 34th in the ratings for the week of November 7 to November 13, 1994, with a Nielsen rating of 11.6." The statistics in this sentence need a reference.
 Done
  • (critical) "TV Squad's Adam Finley claimed..." This quote needs a reference.
 Done

Images[edit]

Let me know if you need help addressing any of these issues or if you have any questions. Wronkiew (talk) 00:51, 7 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for reviewing. I left some replies further up. --TheLeftorium 14:50, 7 October 2008 (UTC)
I think I've fixed everything now. =) --TheLeftorium 13:25, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

The article now meets the GA criteria. Wronkiew (talk) 16:01, 8 October 2008 (UTC)