Talk:Max Bielfeldt/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: WikiOriginal-9 (talk · contribs) 16:39, 20 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Notes[edit]

This one has been waiting forever so I'll give it a review. I also reviewed your Derrick Walton article years ago. I went ahead and added the Commons category to external links.

Background and early life
  • Add grandmother before Carlotta.  Done
  • Suggest changing "Constructed between the October 21, 1994, groundbreaking and the October 4, 1996, dedication, the Bielfeldt Athletic Administration Building is a $7.2 million ($13.43 million in 2022), 43,000-square-foot (3995 m2) building endowed by Gary and Carlotta Bielfeldt" to "Constructed between the October 21, 1994, groundbreaking and the October 4, 1996, dedication, the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign's Bielfeldt Athletic Administration Building is a $7.2 million ($13.43 million in 2022), 43,000-square-foot (3995 m2) building that was endowed by Gary and Carlotta Bielfeldt".  Done
  • "His older sister, Elle, and brother-in-law, are alumni, with Meyers Leonard having played basketball at Illinois before his NBA career" change to "His older sister, Elle, and brother-in-law, Meyers Leonard, are alumni, with Leonard having played basketball at Illinois before his NBA career".  Done
  • "Leonard having played basketball at Illinois" If we're linking the Illinois football team earlier perhaps we should link "basketball at Illinois".  Done
  • "where the Illinois lost" Remove the.  Done
High school
Junior year
Senior year
  • "visit to Ann Arbor, Michigan an offer" Comma after Michigan.  Done
  • "and the school's all-time leader with 1,580 points and 886 rebounds" change to "and became the school's all-time leader in points with 1,580 and rebounds with 886".  Done
  • "and Biefeldt's career-high 40-point game fell one short of Gary Bielfeldt's 1954 senior year 41-point performance for Octavia High School" I'm not sure what that has to do with the prior part of the sentence? Maybe you can move this part to the prior paragraph where it mentioned the 40 point game.  Done
  • "In fact, Bielfedt's 20 double-doubles as a senior fell short of his own 21 as a junior" Remove in fact.  Done
  • "Peoria has produced a lot of NCAA Division I talent" It says that source is locked so I'll just assume good faith that Peoria has produced "a lot".  Done
  • "Chicago Tribune All-state 2nd team" Spell out 2nd to be consistent with the rest of the article.  Done
  • "In MaxPreps final class of 2011 top 100" Apostrophe with MaxPreps.  Done
  • "Beilfeld joined a 2011 incoming Michigan class" Shouldn't this go after the next sentence. The article hasn't said he signed with Michigan yet.  Done
  • "Despite his family's ties to the Illinois Fighting Illini,[47] Bielfeldt had a ceremonial verbal commitment event at his high school library on March 25" Shouldn't this sentence say that he chose Michigan?  Done
College
Michigan (2011–2015)
Sophomore season
Junior season
Senior season
Transfer
Indiana (2015–16)
Post graduate
Lead
Infobox
  • Where'd you get his height and weight?  Done
    • I have two disagreeing sources:
  1. Michigan says 6'8" 245
  2. Sports Reference says 6'7" 201. I assume the 6'7" was a college entry number (possibly coming from high school measurments).
I guess I just need the feedback on the body measurements.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 15:16, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Overall, very comprehensive. Nice research. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 16:39, 20 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

  • After having waited nearly 7 months for a review, I can say it was worth the wait. Thanks for looking so closely at this. It will take me a while to get through this (hopefully not nearly 7 months though).-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 08:20, 22 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Last points
  • @TonyTheTiger: I don't actually see in the espn ref where it says his birthday?WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 22:45, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done[reply]
  • Also, do you think we should link Octavia High? Do you know where that is? WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 23:07, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done[reply]
    • The original source "41 - Bielfeldt family scoring record. Gary Bielfeldt, Max's grandfather, scored 41 as a senior at Octavia High in 1954." gives no further information. In 1954, I assume it existed in the state of Illinois, but I am not sure. It must be defunct or have merged.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:57, 31 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Beilein attempted to block Bielfeldt from transferring within the Big Ten, but Indiana won an appeal" I think this should go later in the section because it hasn't said he chose Indiana yet. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 23:26, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done[reply]
  • "he was regarded as possibly the greatest low post players" fix grammar. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 23:28, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done[reply]
    • The source is PD. Any advice on the phrasing in the main body and in the WP:LEAD.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 20:15, 31 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
      • What I mean is that isn't "players" in that sentence just supposed to be "player"? Also, I don't see in the body where it talks about this? WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 21:54, 31 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
        • The WP:LEAD is suppose to be a summary of content in the main body. So if you can't find a source for it in the main body it should not be in the lead. In this case I am talking about the paragraph starting with "Although the state of Illinois has produced many successful NBA players"-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:16, 31 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
        • I have fixed the LEAD.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 23:17, 31 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
  • Also, I went ahead and changed "razzed" to "heckled". If you don't think that's right, let me know. WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 23:33, 30 October 2023 (UTC)  Done[reply]

All points have been addressed. Passing the article. Nice work! WikiOriginal-9 (talk) 01:30, 1 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

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