Talk:Pandora (Skins)/GA1

GA Review

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I'm not familiar with Skins, so I hope that I can provide a helpful review from an outsider's perspective. Overall, I thought the article was quite good. There were a few places where I was a little confused or thought that the phrasing could be improved, but I don't see any major issues with this article. My concerns were:

• The lead section doesn't really summarize the full article, as it just gives a vague overview of the party. Since the reader is supposed to have a brief but decent understanding of the full article from reading the lead, perhaps another sentence could be added, such as "Pandora and Effy get into an argument after both girls have sex with James Cook (Jack O'Connell), but the argument is interrupted when Thomas unexpectedly returns."

• Added.

• telling "of how" she misses Thomas sounds awkward. What about just "tells Effy's mother, Anthea (Morwenna Banks), that she misses Thomas"?

• Done.

• Since there are two Congos, the mention in the "Plot" section should say "Democratic Republic of Congo".

• Done.

• Was Thomas actually deported? The synopsis of "Thomas" at List of Skins episodes#Series 3 seems to indicate that he was sent back to DRC by his mother, not the government.

• I think you're right; his mother did send him home but some of the characters suggested (I suppose incorrectly) that he had been deported. Changed.

• "Emily denies her sexuality, as does Naomi hers" - this sounds very awkward. What about "both girls deny their sexuality" (although "sexuality" might not be the best word, as it doesn't actually convey the intended meaning)?

• Reworded to just "Naomi urges Emily to admit that she is gay, but Emily denies it."

• A wikilink for "footballer" would help, as the word refers to two very different sports.

• Done.

• Why is James Cook always referred to as "Cook", while the other characters are referred to by their last name?

• He is referred to as "Cook" rather than his first name by the other characters.

• "which was all Pandora wanted to do" - a minor point, but perhaps "had wanted to do" (I haven't ever watched the show, but I'm assuming that you mean that Pandora had been hoping to play Twister at the party)?

• You're right; done.

• Should the first word in the "Production" section be "Pandora"?

• Stupid mistake; done.

• "an E4 spokeswoman spoke" - perhaps "an E4 spokeswoman said" to avoid the repetition of "spoke"?

• Done.

• Is the image of filming the show from this episode specifically? Either way, I'm fine with it being included, but it should be stated directly if it is from this episode.

• The scene is from this episode, which is now clarified in the caption.

Aside from that, everything looks good. There are no problems with neutrality or stability. The article is well cited, and all external links are still working. The prose is mostly clear, and there are no links to disambiguation pages. I will place this nomination on hold for one week to allow for these concerns to be addressed or discussed. I have this page on my watchlist, so any replies or questions can be placed here. Best wishes, GaryColemanFan (talk) 14:58, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review, and for catching some dodgy phrasing/grammar and even some plot discrepancies. Should be fine now. :) —97198 (talk) 06:58, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

Everything looks good now. The article meets the GA criteria, so I am promoting it. GaryColemanFan (talk) 23:49, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

Thanks again for reviewing. —97198 (talk) 03:37, 12 September 2009 (UTC)