Talk:Ridwan dynasty/GA1
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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 16:53, 9 August 2015 (UTC)
Hi. I'm Calvin999 and I am reviewing this nomination.
- Some dab links
The dynasty founded → The dynasty was founded- Link Kara Shahin Mustafa
during which Gaza → during which time Gazapart of Ahmad's domain → Use surname (and throughout for anyone)his son Hassan 'Arap Pasha inherited Gaza's governorship, occupying the office for 43 years. His rule impoverished Gaza and bankrupted the dynasty. His son → I'm getting confused with the different sons!- Link Kara Shahin Mustafa in the history section
In 1565 Ridwan → Comma after 1665In Gaza Ridwan was → Comma after Gaza- There's not much flow between sentences, it's like a list of hard facts in the form of short sentences.
In 1663 Husayn → Comma after 1663Tack the The Ridwan dynasty's modern-day descendants are known in Gaza as Dar al-Basha or "House of the Pashas". sentence onto the end of the last paragraph so it's doesn't look astray.It is not definitively known → Remove 'definitely'In 1623 the armies → Comma after 1623
- Outcome
On hold for 7 days. — Calvin999 18:45, 15 August 2015 (UTC)
- @Calvin999: Thanks for the review Calvin, I took care of the minor stuff which I crossed off, except for linking Kara Shahin Mustafa. There's no article on him, the link redirects to this article. If that's an issue, should I go ahead and get rid of that redirect? As for the flow, is the issue more about context or details about the Ridwans? I could add more context, but details would be more difficult (except for the period of Husayn Pasha). With the exception of Husayn Pasha, I couldn't find much info about the Ridwans. The main source used in this article, Dror Ze'evi, writes that "While the latter two [Farrukh and Turabay households] were the subject of several studies, no research has been done on the Ridwans", and indeed finding info on them has been difficult so far. --Al Ameer (talk) 01:13, 16 August 2015 (UTC)
- Ah okay I didn't know it was a redirect. By flow I mean in various places there sentences are quite short and too the point, so it just makes it read like a list of hard facts. — Calvin999 08:40, 16 August 2015 (UTC)
Yes, the article reads better now. Thanks. Passing. — Calvin999 07:25, 20 August 2015 (UTC)