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Talk:Robert de Umfraville/GA1

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 02:18, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]


I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 02:18, 20 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • No DABs, external links OK.
  • Images appropriately licensed.
  • Is focussed BritEng?
    • Well caught, fixed.
  • With the exception of Henry V's resumption of the Hundred Years' War in 1415- when Umfraville travelled with the King to France and took part in the Battle of Agincourt- Check the MOS for the proper usage of these, probably emdash, but I'm not certain.
    • Think you're right; adjusted accordingly.
      • I'm still seeing lots of hyphens throughout the article instead of spaced endashes or unspaced emdashes (MOS:DASH)
  • He was famed for his prowess; one contemporary Chronicler, John Hardyng, who was also in Umfraville's service, praised him as the prefect knight. Almost the definition of an unreliable source; anybody else have anything to say about him?
  • Umfraville's successes also attracted praise- and some reward- from central government, and on one of his campaigns deep into Scottish territory he destroyed the town of Peebles and its market, and brought back so much booty that he was monikered "Robin Mend-Market." Monickered is an incredibly rare verb, substitute the much more common nicknamed. In addition, the sentence is awkward. It may need to be split in half.
    • Fair dos; re-worded and simplified. BYTW, any significance in the link to the XT dab page? I couldn't see one?
      • Nah, just my mistake in using square brackets instead of the curly ones needed for a template.
  • predecesed him (also in the Hundred Years' Wars), perishing at the Battle of Baugé in 1421 The parenthetical statement is unnecessary.
    • Removed.
  • counting amongst their ancestors Earls of Angus "the" Earls
    • Done.
  • convert all measurements on first usage.
    • Can you clarify on this please?
      • Sure. I don't think that you have many, but we need to cater to both English and metric measurements and the best way is through the conversion template. So your 138,000-acre would be modified as {{convert|138000|acre|adj=on|lk=on}} and render as 138,000-acre (56,000 ha). Hectare is the default unit of measurement for acres, so you don't need to specify it. Adj=on turns it into the necessary adjectival form and lk=on adds links to both units of measurement. Full explanations at Template:Convert. Thus endeth the lesson ;-) Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 02:07, 27 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • under the first Neville Earl of Westmorland missing stop and link to the exact Neville you mean.
    • Added stop.
  • More later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 20:57, 24 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Sturmvogel 66, have addressed most of those points, just a couple of queries. >SerialNumber54129...speculates 16:46, 26 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • The chronicler John Hardyng[4] (who was in the service of Umfraville from 1403 This last bit strikes me as awkward. Perhaps something like "(who entered Umfraville's service in 1403..."?
  • old truths remained:royal service, Is there a missing space here?
  • in the now by now largely defunct The "now"s in close conjunction read oddly. The "by now" is actually kind of redundant.
  • Is there a link to middle march? If not either red link it or explain it.
  • Be consistent with the spelling of Hardyng's name. And did he enter service in 1402 or 1403.
  • Be sure to capitalize titles where the full title is given. I'm seeing some earl of Northumberland, forex.
  • Link keeping, constable, chamberlain, mark, pound symbol.
  • Scotland and England were in a state of war, and [10]1414so it is likely,?
  • Down to references which will need a lot of work.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 04:07, 28 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • user:Sagaciousphil saved you a ton of work by converting all your refs into sfn format and adding a bibliography. You owe him big time.
  • don't capitalize chronicler
  • Link midlands and doesn't that need to be capitalized?
  • Still lots of hyphens hanging around when they should be endashes.
  • reward- from central government. Awkward and perhaps missing "the"
  • Mendmarket is both hyphenated and not. Pick one and stick with it. Don't need it mentioned twice in the lede.
  • falling his father's death what does falling mean here?
  • Watch for overlinks. See WP:OVERLINK--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:31, 30 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
    • This script will automate the task for you. User:Evad37/duplinks-alt--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:51, 30 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
      • User:Sagaciousphil knows exactly how much I respect him and admire his work (and indeed, still owe a pint on that account!), but he wouldn't want any misunderstandings; vis a vis, it being me that shortened the refs and created the bibliog. And, yes it was a tone of work and his subsequent help was appreciated with no shoutings required  :) Think I've fixed all your other suggestions Sturmvogel 66: 'chronicler' decapped; 'Midlands' linked and capped; hyphens- possibly- I'm hoping the dashes script has sorted that out; changed 'central govt' to 'King' as in any case more accurate; dehyphened 'Mendmarket' for consistency; 'falling' here was as in, 'when his father's death date fell', but clearly that's completely crummy use of language, so have much simplified it; and last but not least, the overlinks now much reduced, to the extent in fact that there are no duplicates at all (I don't think an article this size has to worry about duplicating a link that is already in the lede?)- Thanks v much for that new script too- much better than the old one, although I now seem to have two duplicate items in the sidebar.... Thanks again for al your help here! >SerialNumber54129...speculates 15:11, 30 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Indentured is the last remaining overlink. And links in the lede don't count.
  • {{convert|25000|acre|adj=on|lk=off}} This isn't the adjectival form so delete the |adj=on. FYI, links are normally off, so you don't need to specify that in the template.
  • I think that constable and the pound symbol are the only remaining terms that need to be linked.
  • I don't think that the dashes script did you much good. 1415-when Umfraville travelled with the King to France and took part in the Battle of Agincourt–all Might be easiest to search for dashes individually.
  • You should delete the old script for overlinks as that causes a bunch of false positives. Almost done here. If you take the things that I've shown you here and apply them to your current GANs, I'll review at least one of them. Just let me know when you've done that.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:57, 30 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thanks for the info, I've addressed those bits (the pound sign is on the v first occurence). F*** knows what the point of that dashes script is! It seems to have made things worse :) the basic rule of thumb seems to be a hyphen for joining words and a dash when used instaed of brackets (which sound a lot easier methinks!). Look: sorry to harass you with pings etc: but did you mean let you know when I've addressed all these issues in my current GAN's before replying here? I assumed I misunderstood that (as it will likely take some time), but apologies if that is what you meant. >SerialNumber54129...speculates 17:26, 30 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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