Talk:Sally Kellerman/GA2

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 03:33, 19 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Per request, I'll give this article a GA review. Wizardman 03:33, 19 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

There are a lot of problems with this article that cause me to have to fail it as a GAN. Here are some general notes:

Of the four images in the article, there are two I question the validity of. One is a 1983 image tagged as pre-1978 PD, which is obviously a copyvio. The other image, published in 1971, is tagged pd-art. Either you need to prove that the pre-1978 tag applies in that case, or that will have to be deleted as well.
The tone of the article is off in general, and in many spots it does not read like an encyclopedic article. Examples to follow.
The structure is poor in the article, with slews of one-sentence paragraphs and too many sentences that start with dates. The formatting and flow needs to be improved big time.

Now for some more specific concerns (from 1970s on I just did a skim read):

"Although she has quite the lengthy resume consisting of motion picture and television productions," this is part of the tone issue I'm noting; reads more like a press packet than anything else.
"'Outer Limits, and what appears to be her most popular performance on TV, psychiatrist Dr. Elizabeth Dehner in "Where No Man Has Gone Before", the second pilot for Star Trek." not sure why part of that is in italics, also the "appears to be.. popular" part is both speculation and not really encyclopedic.
"Kellerman's mother was a Christian Scientist and originated from Portland, Arkansas." the 'and originated' part can be removed.
"In any event, Kellerman was able to act" rm 'in any event' per tone issues
"After Kellerman went to Verve Records and signed the contract, she realized the task of becoming a recording artist was far too much of a tall order to follow through with. She walked away" these two sentences can be combined.
"It was in Corey's class where Kellerman met the late actress, Luana Anders (1938–1996), the two remained very close friends." the years aren't needed, plus it seems a rather odd sentence to include without a bit of detail on the friendship if it was important.
"The first of which was as a waitress in the John Forsyth sitcom Bachelor Father – episode "Kelly and the College Man" (1960)." sentence fragment.
You vary between MASH and M*A*S*H throughout the article, and there's a missed asterisk in one of the latter; keep consistent.
"March 6, 1972, Kellerman divorced Edelstein - cited irreconcilable differences" sentence starts with a date, and sentence fragment
The parentheses seem unnecessary in the next sentence given how long it is.
"Performances in the 1980s could be seen in Adrian Lyne's Foxes (1980)." more odd sentence structuring
"January 23, 2004, she performed at Palmdale Playhouse." and "Summer of 2004, she acted as host, Madame ZinZanni in Teatro ZinZanni." again, more poor structuring
Virtually every sentence in the 2000s starts with a year and leaves the whole section feeling like a tacked on slew of films rather than any coherent chronology. Same for the 2010s.
Remove the apostrophes in the section headers.
Web citations need accessdates. Some have them, but many do not.

After addressing the above concerns, get a top-to-bottom copyedit on the article from another person before trying to re-nominate. A lot of work still needs to be done on this article before I could consider it GA-worthy. Wizardman 14:01, 20 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]