Talk:Umpah Umpah/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Nkon21 (talk · contribs) 22:07, 10 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'm Nkon21. I will be reviewing this GAN. Full review coming within the next few days. ɴᴋᴏɴ21 ❯❯❯ talk 22:07, 10 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
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Infobox and lead

Please remove The ReVe Festival: Finale from the EP parameter, as I believe "Psycho" was the only single promoted off of that album, whereas this song was specifically promoted as a single off of the EP
Korean → Korean-language
Add "(EP)" after "extended play"
which acts as the second installment of The ReVe Festival trilogy → which serves as the second installment of the group's The ReVe Festival album trilogy"
Remove , and subsequently the second single from the group's trilogy
Remove "lyricist", already suggested with "Written by"
combined with the group's "lovely and cool vocals double the freshness" → with the group's "lovely and cool vocals doubling the freshness"
The lyrics, which have a swimming motif, tell someone who fell in love with the eyes and charms of the girls how to "breathe normally", → "The songwriting, which includes swimming motifs, portrays somebody falling in love with the eyes and charms of the girls,"
using the phrase "umpah umpah" as if their love interest was to breathe while learning how to swim → "using the phrase "umpah umpah" as if their love interest was learning how to control their breathing while swimming"
Wikilink "music critics" with music journalism
The song also attained moderate success in its home country, peaking at number eighteen on South Korea's Gaon Digital Chart → "Commercially, the song achieved moderate success in South Korea, peaking at number 18 on the Gaon Digital Chart" (Only numbers 0-9 should written out per MOS:NUMERAL)
Remove in August 2019
It also topped the Billboard K-pop Hot 100 → "It also topped the Billboard K-pop Hot 100, becoming the group's second number-one single on the chart."

Background and release

Following the release of The ReVe Festival's first installment → "Following the release of The ReVe Festival: Day 1"
those whom have purchased the "Day 1" physical version spotted several hints for Red Velvet's next installment via clue tickets provided in the package, one of which mentioned the phrase "Umpah Umpah". → "several fans spotted hints for the group's next installment via clue tickets provided in the album's package, one of which mentioned the phrase "Umpah Umpah".
Above line is unsourced
5-year anniversary → five-year anniversary
the group released an introduction video for its parental extended play, including a snippet from then-unknown title track → "the group released an introduction video for The ReVe Festival: Day 2, which included a snippet from an then-unknown title track"
After a string of photo teasers for each member, the song's music video was released on August 20, 2019 (12AM KST), eighteen hours ahead of the EP's digital release. → "After a string of promotional photo teasers for each member, the music video for the song was released on August 20, 2019 at midnight KST (UTC+09:00), 18 hours ahead of the EP's digital release."
Above line is sourced to Soompi, which is deemed unreliable per WP:KO/RS#UR. If you happen to find a reliable source for this, it should instead be merged into the music video section.

Composition

Remove Korean lyricist
combined with the group's "lovely and cool" vocals which "doubled the freshness" → with the group's "lovely and cool" vocals "doubling the freshness"
the group's 2016 single "One of These Nights" and 2019's Japanese single "Sappy". → "the group's single "One of These Nights" (2016) and Japanese single "Sappy" (2019)."
the song also borrows → "the song borrows"
It was composed in the key of G major with a tempo of 120 beat-per-minute, and is the group's seventh single under the "Red" sonic concept and their third single with a summer-inspired concept. should instead be the second sentence of the section
The rap section in the second verse of the song also referenced to some of the group's previous singles → "The rap section in the song's second verse references several of the group's past singles" (also include the year of release for each song in parenthesis in sequential order)
I also note that the section mostly consists of primary sources, they should be replaced with secondary sources. Above line is also missing a source

Commercial performance

Order of sections should be: Background and release, Composition, Critical reception, Accolades, Commercial performance, Music video, Live performances, Credits and personnel, Charts, and also a Release history section
Following its initial release → Upon release
number one on 4 of the 7 → number one on four of the seven
Above sentence is sourced to Soompi, needs replacement
The song then debuted and peaked at number eighteen on the Gaon Digital Chart for two weeks, becoming the group's fifteenth top twenty entry but their second lead single to miss the top-ten, following "Zimzalabim" → "The song debuted at number 18 on the Gaon Digital Chart, where it peaked for two weeks" (The rest of the sentence is unnecessary information in my opinion)
on the 2019's Gaon Year-End Digital Chart → "on the year-end Gaon Digital Chart for 2019"
The song fared better on Billboard's K-pop Hot 100 chart, debuting at number nineteen before reaching the top position for the next two weeks → "The song performed better on the Billboard K-pop Hot 100, debuting at number 19, and subsequently attained the top spot on the chart for two consecutive weeks"
It eventually became the group's second chart-topper following "Power Up" → It became the group's second number-one single on the chart, following "Power Up" (2018)"
Everything after the first sentence in unsourced; though the chart info is shown at the bottom, the section should still be supported by those citations

Live performances

Promotion activities for "Umpah Umpah" were proceeded with the group performing on South Korean music programs including → "Following the release of the single, Red Velvet appeared and performed on several South Korean music programs, including"
The members later revealed that due to limited time preparation, no additional performance for another album track was prepared is unsourced
Information about music show wins should probably go under Accolades

Critical reception

Remove Following its initial release,
describing the song as → "and praised its"
A college student run newspaper might not be the most reliable, are there any other reviews available?
Gallup Korea ranked the song at number 8 on their list along with Red Flavor. → "Gallup Korea ranked the song number eight on their list of the Best Songs of 2019."
As there are only two listicles, a table might not be necessary as both of them are already written in prose
As the critical and commercial performance sections are a bit on the shorter side, you can combine both of them to form a "Reception" section, with Critical reception and Commercial reception as its sub-headings, but I'll leave that for you to decide.

Accolades

"Umpah Umpah" won the "Song of the Year" award in Asia Artist Awards. → ""Umpah Umpah" won the Song of the Year award at the 4th Asia Artist Awards in November 2019."
The song also managed to achieve a total of six music trophies by September 2019. This made Red Velvet as the third artist after BTS and GFriend to achieve a perfect music show wins from all music brodcasts in 2019. → "Red Velvet received six music program wins for "Umpah Umpah", and became noteworthy for being the third artist to receive a win on all six South Korean music programs in 2019, following BTS and GFriend."
Merge the two "Song of the Year" cells in the table
The refs should also be centered
Replace and target "MBC Music" with "MBC M", avoiding the need for a redirect

Music video

Prior to its release date, a video teaser titled "Road Trip: RVF Day 2 D-7" was uploaded to Red Velvet's YouTube channel on August 12, 2019 - which contains excerpts of the song. → "On August 12, 2019, the first video teaser for the music video, titled "Road Trip: RVF Day 2 D-7", was uploaded to Red Velvet's official YouTube channel."
Following the release of the group's photo teasers, a highlight video for the song's pre-chorus section was revealed. → "A series of promotional photo teasers featuring the group members, along with a highlight video showcasing the song's pre-chorus was subsequently unveiled."
After sharing another video teaser on August 19, 2019, the music video → "A final video teaser was uploaded on August 19, and the music video"
Remove The music video was released on August 20, 2019, ahead of the EP's release (Redundant as the previous sentence says essentially the same thing)
including 'Dumb Dumb', 'Red Flavor', 'Ice Cream Cake' and 'Happiness' Should be wrapped in quotation marks instead of apostrophes
Writer Puah Ziwei of NME noted a "a fun-filled video" and "the vibrant, feel-good clip" → Puah Ziwei of NME noted its "fun-filled" nature and "the vibrant, feel-good" elements"
The music video is set in a cartoonish beach house, but a thunderstorm sends them running indoors. → "The music video is set in a cartoonish beach house, where they shelter from an incoming thunderstorm."

Charts

K-Pop Hot 100 → K-pop Hot 100
Gaon Digital Chart → Gaon

Copyvio/Fair use

Copyvio score looks solid at 17% (I'm going to ignore the first three as it looks illegitimate and copied straight from this Wikipedia page)
Fair use media looks good

Conclusion

@LipaCityPH: Putting this On hold for now, there is some attention required to get this article ship-shape and ready to go. I appreciate your work so far!

I'll also let you know that this is my first actual GA review (that hasn't been quick failed), so no need to follow each suggestion word for word and feel free to adjust anything accordingly, if it doesn't seem to make sense to you. Best wishes, ɴᴋᴏɴ21 ❯❯❯ talk 15:37, 11 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Nkon21: Thank you so much for the effort you exerted in making a review and comments regarding Umpah Umpah's GA nomination. I appreciate it a lot! :) I did all of your comments regrading the article! I've added sources in the sentences and paragraphs that don't have any citations. Please check if I did well. :) I have removed Soompi as a source. However, I did not do the following:

1.In the Critical reception part (I did not combine critical and commercial performance sections as I believe that there would still be future information added, and I'll try to add if I see relevant information!)

2.In the Commercial performance part (I think these varies from Wikipedian or Wikipedia user on how sections should be in order. I followed an article, which was Psycho (Red Velvet song) on the section order, however if you insist on changing the order according to your comment, I will do it! :) Please tell me if I should. :)) I would like to commend by the way your review as it was easy to follow. Thank you once again! :) I hope to hear any responses from you soon! LipaCityPH (talk) 06:15, 12 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Most FA and GA song articles I've look through follows the similar section format, so I believe that order would be the best way. ɴᴋᴏɴ21 ❯❯❯ talk 16:13, 12 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Nkon21: I've done your comment! Thank you once again! Hope to hear from you very soon! :) (talk) 00:45, 13 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, after doing a bit of minor copyediting, I am happy to ✓ Pass the article. Great job! ɴᴋᴏɴ21 ❯❯❯ talk 02:49, 13 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Nkon21: Thank you so much! Thank you for reviewing once again the article and for passing it to GA! You're the best! Hope to work again with you soon on other articles! :) (talk) 03:22, 13 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]