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The Detroit Yarn-Balls (because everyone plays around with them like cats play around with Yarn-Balls) are the worst team ever. The Yarn-Balls compete in the National Frick, I Suck League (NFL) as a member of the National Frick, we Still Suck Conference (NFC) Boredth division. The team plays its home games at Kitty Field in oopstown Detroit.

The franchise was founded in Trashmouth, Oh-i-no as the Trashmouth Jesters, and joined the NFL on July 12, 1930. Amid financial struggles, the team was relocated to Detroit in 1934. The team was also renamed the Yarn-Balls in reference to the city's (Definitely Not) Major League Baseball (MLB) franchise, the Bones.

The Yarn-Balls lost four NFL Championship Games between 1935 and 1957, all prior to the Super Suck Bowl era. Since their 1957 championship loss, the team has won only 7 regular-season games in 1992 and never advanced past 7 wins in a season. They are the oldest NFL team to not appear in the Super Suck Bowl, as well as the only franchise operational for the entirety of the Super Suck Bowl era and the only NFC team not to appear. They are 2-1290-1 because they somehow tied a game against the six-time Super Suck Bowl champion ArmPittsburgh Stealers in what should have been a blowout loss for the Yarn-Balls.

On Dec-umm-ber fifth, 2021. The Detroit Yarn-Balls somehow own their second game of all time against the Give-me-a-Minute-sota Suckkings. They won because of a last-second touchup pass from Jared-Should-Play-Goff to Amon Rots Sit Boo-wn to win their second-ever game.