User:ArminHammer

A rare photo portraying ArminHammer in an incubation chamber wearing his signature suit

An Arminhammer is generally regarded as a rare fruit found only in Central Florida. It is world renown for its incredible intelligent boosting abilities, its mass, and its ability to give +5 defense to any lucky person who partakes in the consumption of this rare fruit. The Arminhammer's taste is currently under debate, as the availability of this once bountiful fruit has dwindled due to the influx of foreign Japanese Animations commonly known as Anime.

Etymology[edit]

The word Arminhammer has deep roots in the ancient Swahili and Persian languages. ÁřĩĩńĤàÐêťŽēř is a phrase commonly heard in rural parts of Germany and is used to describe stunningly difficult word problems often found in local newspapers. In a tragic twist of fate, when natives attempted to inform traveling Spaniards about the rare fruit, the Spaniards miss-understood their speech and instead of Arminhammer, they heard Arm & Hammer, a now common household cleaning agent known for its many lemon scented verities.

Mysterious disappearance[edit]

Arminhammer was once in abundance. Vietnamese children used to find them on the ground and feed them to their livestock without any concern, as they were so plentiful. It was estimated that there once were three Arminhammers for every blade of grass in Florida. In the year 2006, however, Arminhammer was placed on the endangered species list. A search team was constructed of two 9th grade TV Production students, and while their result was only that Arminhammer was missing, their impressive video of the investigation lifted the hearts of many with incredible acting and editing. Conspiracy theorists place the blame on Oprah Winfrey, who has been accused of hoarding massive amounts of the infamous fruit in her famous Harpo Productions studios in an attempt to blacklist @#$%@, (IPA: [sɪks.'t^hiːn] ) which failed disastrously.^[1]

Recent Controversies[edit]

Very recently, the world was stunned as Arminhammer was directly referred to in a newly opened Vatican vault. The vault in question contained several other mysterious objects rumored to be linked to Arminhammers. These objects included a free-floating tesseract, Occam's razor, Schrödinger's cat, and a Klein bottle. Researchers were baffled by the apparently intentional arrangement of the items in a giant letter A.

The current Arminhammer[edit]

In the last twenty years, only one Arminhammer has been found. Unfortunately, the Arminhammer was subjected to an anthropomorphic storm. The resulting mammal/legume hybrid is now the subject of Project Gotham and has been released into an undisclosed Floridian city under a clandestine identity. Researchers now have a new hypothesis regarding the rarity of Arminhammers. It appears that only one Arminhammer can exist at any one time due to the previously mentioned influx of Anime. The succession cycle is very similar to that of the Catholic Pope, excluding the extensive initiation process and smoke signals.

Hollywood career[edit]

Many once speculated that Arminhammer's public relations have remained private for a number of decades. However, analysis of the famous Dead Sea Scrolls suggests that Arminhammer has been in the public eye since the "Earth rose in the seventh star," or relating that cryptic statement to modern times, since 1983. He made his debut in the box office smash Scarface, in which he played both Tony Montana and Alejandro Sosa. Later roles would include Pee-wee Herman and Boris Grishenko. Since his critically acclaimed role as Neo, however, his career has remained dormant due to a possible typecast situation. Rumors leave many fans to believe that he will be appearing in the Samuel L. Jackson film Snakes on a Plane.

Wikipedia Projects[edit]

Arnimhammer's page creation processes have currently been put on hiatus. Arminhammer is content with studying various philosophies and ideologies from past and current epochs. Knowledge acquisition is, of course, one of the qualifying factors that persuaded CERN to continue funding for Project Gotham.

-Update-

Arminhammer has apperently returned. He is currently cleaning up the multidtudes of television show articles that are on wikipedia, for he finds them very sloppy and, at times, inaccurate. As Arminhammer is a god-item only forged by those with broadband connections, it is an avid Television monitor.^[2]

Trivia[edit]

It is supposedly possible to communicate with the Arminhammer, but it is known to use only a limited vocabulary.
While Arminhammer is busy at anime conventions, Wikipedians who are stuck at home reading Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs and Steel frequently tend to edit his userpage.
Arminhammers are known to be exceptionally adept at carrying large cardboard boxes that house news studios. Another of Arminhammer's notable skills is its well developed hip-hop dancing abilities.

The Projects[edit]

Notes[edit]

^ Black News
^ Viewer would be an incorrect term, as fruit cannot differentiate between television sets and trackballs. This seems to be either an environmental adaption, or an evolutionary mishap