User:Der Bohne/sandbox/Barry Nicholls CDM

Barry Nicholls CDM

Barry Nichols, CDM and Bar, was born at an early age to his parents, who were both in attendance, on 23rd December, 1940. War was raging across Europe, but it has since been determined that none of this was Barry’s fault. Barry attended the local Approved School as a residential scallywag until, at the age of 12, he went down the mines in South Bristol. The mines around Ashton Gate were deep, but provided a huge boost to the local economy. The deepest pits were rich in raw cheddar, but shallower seams also provided good quantities of gouda and the shallowest provided Kraft Dairy Lea Slices. The very best slices were hand wrapped in silver foil and then rolled carefully on the thigh of the well trained local girls to force all the air out of the wrappers. For a short while, Barry was employed clearing the excess foil from the young ladies’ kneecaps, but this stopped suddenly under mysterious circumstances.

After doing his National Service, “down’t pit” Barry took up an apprenticeship in the new field of electrical engineering. It was Barry that invented brown underpants after noticing that his kept turning that colour very time he touch an unguarded red wire. Barry grew up into a fine young man and eventually met Sheila, a lovely young local lass who had been selected by the Local Council to “take one for the team” and to make sure Barry was taking off the market.

Barry had a rich and varied career working in many diversified industries across the south west, but eventually, golf found him and he took to it like a duck to cherry sauce. For many years Barry has been a stalwart member of Tall Pines Golf Club, where special arrangements have been put in place to stop him becoming too much of a nuisance. At a Special Meeting of the Committee in 2019 three member’s names were drawn out of a hat and they were instructed to take him under their care and control so that he wouldn’t wander about the course bothering the lady members (of the club, this is not an anatomical slur!). Every so often one of his minders breaks loose and publishes some defamatory article about Barry, but by and large 80 years of care-in-the-community has gone quite peacefully. Barry was very pleased, not to say smug, about getting his Covid 19 vaccination so early in the process. His problem now is that even he doesn’t know anyone as old as he is, so he is still having to wait for his golfing minders to get the jab. On a recent trip to Bristol PM Boris Johnson reassured the Mayor of Bristol, Marvin the Paranoid Android, that everything was being done to expedite that process.

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