User:Dmickley/sandbox
| Career information | |
|---|---|
| NFL draft | 322 B.C. / Round: 1, above heavily favored Genghis Khan |
| Career highlights and awards | |
| Awards | 1952-2007 Sportsfudge of the Year 2001 Good Samaricake |
| Career stats | |
| |
Free Fudgie is a potent grassroots movement in an effort to "bring back" Fudgie the Whale[[1], subject of Carvel culinary downsizing. In recent years, Fudgie - whose popularity was second only to John Lennon and Jesus during the counterculture movement, during which he briefly orchestrated peace between Israel and Palestine - has faded, replaced by carb-lite cereal, hip-hop[2], and strife. Free Fudgie aims to restore Fudgie to his original level of glory, and the era of innocence and truth that he is so closely intertwined with.
Facebook Group[edit]
A group on the popular social networking site, The Facebook[3], has emerged as a vocal supporter of the Free Fudgie movement. Their manifesto is as follows:
"Darfur. Rwanda. Religious fundamentalism. That really irritating phenomenon when your room is too hot for a blanket, but too cold to sleep without one, so you end up putting on like four sweaters and being really uncomfortable. These are all grave, grave problems that threaten our nation today.
But one issue is too monstrous, too abhorrent, too evil in scope and aim, for us to ignore for one hour, one minute, one second longer.
That issue is the rollback of Fudgie The Whale Ice Cream cakes at Carvel. Former policy, which had Fudgie on hand at every outlet, has been changed - and Fudgie must now be ordered 24 hours in advance, in a pleading tone, and under an additional luxury tax which funds terrorism.
Anyone who's had Fudgie will sing his chocolatey, delicious praises. Even if you haven't had the opportunity, you've probably heard stories. Stories of conversion. Of pleasure that defies description with mere language. Suffice to say: once you go Fudgie, you never go back.
I believe I speak for myself, God, and the abstract notion of decency when I say: Go **** yourselves, Carvel. I want Fudgie available every moment of my waking life.
Get involved. Make a difference. Free Fudgie."
Recent News[edit]
Carvel has revealed that Cookie Puss, Fudgie's "best friendcake", drags Fudgie from his happy, sedentary state to "holiday celebrations."[4]
Furthermore, Cookie Puss "enjoys visiting his buddies the Jetsons, watching his favorite movie Star Wars and singing along to Elton John’s 'Rocket Man.'...Previously, Mr. Puss worked as a test pilot for NASA, but quickly realized his tendency to melt under extreme pressure. Mr. Puss’ friendliness and constant state of happiness, coupled with his big brown cookie eyes and delicious ice cream cone-nose, make him a favorite in the Carvel organization."
The evidence is damning. Cookie, or as he is referred to in official literature, "Mr. Puss" - is clearly some kind of sexual deviant, and trying to get into Fudgie's cake-pants and turn him gay or something. I suggest a secondary goal for this group: revealing this lecherous plan, and an aim of restoring decency to Carvel Cakeland and saving Fudgie as the untouched, innocent, sexually ambiguous cake we all know and love.
He has been rumored to be dating Kate Yeskey, a Northwestern University Junior. Both declined to comment.
International Fudgie Sightings[edit]
International Fudgie sightings have been pouring in - most notably in Tel Aviv, Israel.
Inquiries with the locals have revealed the following:
Fudgieism is an accepted belief system in Israel, and is expected to surpass Judaism as the predominant religion by 2001.
It was actually Fudgie that parted the Red Sea and delivered the Jewish people from Egypt, but since he tragically lacks opposable thumbs, Moses got all the credit.
Fudgie ended the Six Day War.
Clearly, Free Fudgie knows no continental barriers.