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Roses suck. I have gardened them before and they are neither pleasant to work with, nor truly wonderful smelling, nor do they taste outstanding. This is a page dedicated to the dissemination of factual evidence for why roses are not good flowers.


Thorns

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Roses Have Thorns

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Roses have a great quantity of thorns. In 2007, a group of botanical researchers determined the average rose has 3.1 thorns per square inch of its stem. Some roses also had thorns on the petals.[1] Some estimate that the quantity of thorns on a single rose stem is so great, the pain of grabbing one open-handed is at least equivalent to the pain associated with childbirth.[2] The quality of thorns is also a factor in the amount of damage they are able to cause to human flesh. The same 2007 study also found that over 97% of an individual rose's thorns are typically very sharp.[1] Lightly touching the stem of a rose will result in no permanent bodily harm, but an open-handed approach and firm grasp could result in horrific injuries requiring medical intervention up to amputation of affected digits. This was the case of a 47-year old gardener who lost a thumb to a rose and briefly appeared in news headlines during the year 1869. [3]

In some tribal cultures and ancient religions, archaeological evidence suggests rose thorns might have obtained a position of worship as malevolent spiritual forces, or at least a highly-regarded way of dispatching one's enemies. Rose thorns have been found encircling burial sites of royalty and jabbed into mid-level political dissidents.[4]

Still ouch.
Ouch. This is not even a very thorny one.








Olfactory Properties

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Abhor-able Irritants

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Roses get their characteristic scent from the compounds and molecules they emit. Primarily, these consist of high quantities of large granules of pollen, pheromones, and small clusters of microscopic thorns.[5]

  1. ^ a b Ofence, Anne (Jan 1, 2007). [www.NIFD.edu "National Institute of Floral Destruction- A Study of the Physical Properties of Roses"]. National Institute of Floral Destruction Web Archive. Retrieved June 27 2019. {{cite web}}: Check |url= value (help); Check date values in: |access-date= (help)
  2. ^ Mahma, Joseph (June 21, 2011). [www.suckanegg.edu "Correlation Between Rose-Gardening and Residual Scarification of the Thumb and Index Fingers- A Detailed Report"]. Useless Review – via NIFD Research. {{cite journal}}: Check |url= value (help)
  3. ^ Jefferson, McSquire (October 1869). "Gerald Holt Loses Thumb Gardening-Elderly Female Bystander Horrified". Ye Anciente Locale News.
  4. ^ Jones, Thomas (1982). I Did Not Write This Yesterday. Antarctica: Excellent Fact Mill. pp. 1, 57. ISBN 000000000001. {{cite book}}: Check |isbn= value: length (help)
  5. ^ Farhtz, Dr. Kevin (1893). A Study of Roses and Why Intelligent Botanists Hate Them. A lawyer's mom's basement.: Academia Publishing. p. 277. ISBN 00000000000000002. {{cite book}}: Check |isbn= value: length (help)