User:Jhitchman

Colin Gardner

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This article is about the field of science. For other uses, see Colin Gardner (disambiguation). Colin Gardner

Early history

Colipedia, or Physics Man (Greek: physis – φύσις meaning "nature") was born as Colin Gardner in Highworth, Wiltshire in 1960 as the third of three brothers and spent the early years training his phenomenal scientific brain in Highworth Primary School and Marlborough Grammar School. Early projects included a study on what would happen if he pulled up his father’s vegetable seedlings and replanted them upside down. This period was also one of intensive investigation into the nature of toasters, clocks, cameras and other everyday objects, including a near-disastrous experiment with Christmas tree lights which nearly killed his mother. Another foray into electrical engineering plunged the whole of Highworth into darkness when a metal milk crate thrown at electricity cables caused a massive short and several minor explosions. Biology was soon discarded as a career choice when Colin’s pet hamster escaped and came to a sad end in a bowl of washing up water.

Career development

Colin’s professional career path has followed a rather worrying pattern. He started out working for GEC, now defunct. From there he moved to Mercury Telecoms, now also defunct. He now works for BT Global Services Division, which has shrunk by some 80% over the past 2 years. (Shareholders in Staggs beware!)

Ongoing experiments

Colin has been heavily involved in four major projects over the past two decades:

ASTRONOMY: Ursula major – a graceful constellation which moves in a leisurely orbit CHEMISTRY: Hu²Go³ - a highly volatile compound which shows great potential for future scientific progress PHYSICS: Guyded Missile Technology – a development that, if harnessed, could change the face of warfare in the 21st century Knowledge and Application of Relationship Engineering Norms – an ambitious long-term project, known as KAREN for short, in which Colin attempts to apply logic to the complex and often bewildering field of human emotions.

More recently, Colin has been involved in two smaller endeavours;   SHED: the Self-assembly Housing of Extraordinary Diversity, initially being used to accommodate Project Karen but no doubt with many other applications in years to come 

GARDEN: the Grand Ambitious and Rather Daring Enhancement of Nature project, often referred to by Colipedia as the "Gulp, Aargh, Right DEN, let's get on with it" scheme which includes the much admired One Hundred Year Wall and some rather stylish black fencing.