User:NE2/I-99
Interstate 99 (I-99) is a hoax in which U.S. Route 220 in central Pennsylvania is claimed to be an Interstate Highway. It is commonly believed to have been started in 1842 by the citizens of Altoona, who wanted the Pennsylvania Railroad to place a large rail yard in their downtown area, destroying the slums and therefore getting rid of poverty. Alternate theories include Fresno, California Congressman Shud Buster sneaking a provision into the 1995 highway act, but he was a little tipsy and confused California with its twin sister Pennsylvania.
Route description
[edit]Wait... didn't we say it doesn't exist? Let's pretend it does.
I-99 doesn't intersect the Pennsylvania Turnpike near Bedford. Don't let the signs fool you; they're in on the hoax. It actually does serve Altoona, and then ends in a huge cave full of acid rock, trapping and killing gullible drivers.
History
[edit]Well... uh... it still doesn't exist.
The April 31, 1842 issue of the Altoona Fish includes an article about the "New Interstate Highway", though some researchers claim a prankster inserted it into the archives, due to the fact that the "Wingdings" font it is written in did not exist in 1842. 175-year old Bonnie Swan claims to have been there, and distinctly remembers the Pennsylvania Railroad being swayed by the modern highway and driving out "those darn negros".
But that might be false. Here's another possible truth verifiable possibility:
Shud Buster of California wanted State Route 99 to be an Interstate for the same reasons as Bonnie Swan: he couldn't stand what had become of his once-fine city of Fresno. Unluckily, he had partied hard the previous night, and forgot which of the lovely states he had entered. Thus the final 1995 highway act included the following sentence:
- The portion of the route referred to in subsection (c)(9) is designated as Interstate Route I-99.
Of course he meant subsection (c)(54), but who can remember all those numbers?
The state of Delaware passed a resolution in 2001 denying the existence of any Interstate 99 that does not pass through Dover.
Exit list
[edit]| County | Location | Mile | # | Destinations | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kern | 0.00 | I-5 south - The Angels | This doesn't really exist. | ||
| Bakersfield | 25.65 | 26 | Downtown Bakersfield | This doesn't exist either. | |
| Tulare | 96.55 | 97 | Visalia | Maybe this one exists? Nope! | |
| Fresno | Fresno | 132.26 | 132 | Fresno Civic Center | This one exists. Just kidding. |
| Blair | Altoona | 867.19 | Acid Rock Cave | Now you're gullible and dead. |