User:Protonk/Ford island GA
Overall the article is excellent. I have some content concerns and some questions about sourcing but they're all fairly minor. I'll try to take another pass for copyediting and other issues but if they're minor I'll more than likely fix them rather than adding to the list below.
style/layout
[edit]- Are any of the names listed in the lede (e.g. Rabbit Island, Marín's Island, Little Goats Island, or Mokuʻumeʻume) redirects to Ford island? If so, should we bold them?
- Consider moving the Naval aircraft at Naval Air Station Pearl Harbor in 1931 table down a bit (perhaps below the first para about the naval air station)
- Given that the plan to install SOLAR FREAKIN ROADWAYS (sorry) on the airstrip was not put into place, is a better place for that concept art right above the paragraph starting with "In June 2013 the Navy planned to install 60,000 photovoltaic panels over 28 acres..." (or perhaps not at all)
content
[edit]- When we say it slopes toward pearl harbor do we mean east, west, south? It's kinda in the middle of pearl harbor.
- what does "Ford Island proper" mean? Are we just distinguishing it from Ford island + Mokunui and Mokuiki?
- "In some literature, the ceremony is considered a game." what does Kane say about this, exactly?
- When did Seth Porter Ford, Jr. die? Or more directly, when was the land sold to the Papa Īī land trust?
- "The United States purchased the island in 1917." I'm assuming this means the US purchased the remainder of the island or the whole of it?
- "At the height of World War II, over 40,000 people lived or worked on the island" should go at the end of that paragraph.
- "which usually hosted an aircraft carrier, was empty" "berthed" may be better
- "The fleet flagship (the USS Pennsylvania) was also in Pearl Harbor, dry-docked at the nearby Navy Yard. The ninth battleship, the USS Colorado, was being overhauled on the West Coast." not sure why this is relevant to Ford island. Likewise the following sentence.
- "Ford Island the communications systems there were inadequate" the two citations here are identical to those cited at the end of the sentence. is there a reason why we don't just cite them at the end?
- To be clear, are the 5 pilots shot down in the Aftermath distinct from the search planes shot down during the battle?
- "The Marines, who had picked up rifles for guard duty..." why is this important?
- "That evening, Hawaiians were instructed to observe an indoor blackout, stay off the telephone..." how is this relevant to ford island? Was it a directive for all of Oahu?
- "On 1 July 1999 all military and civilian general-aviation activity at NALF Ford Island ended when NAS Barbers Point..." why did the closure of barbers point impact Ford island?
- We'll just call anything a "bridge to nowhere" Ford island, Ketchikan, anything! :) Just a comment, no action needed.
- "the National Trust for Historic Preservation considered the Navy's communication style more directive than bi-directional" what does this mean, exactly? It's an odd turn of phrase.
- "It hosts the Pacific Warfighting Center...to simulate real-world conditions for battlefield commanders." this feels a little press-releasey to me. I'm sure that's one of the things the PWC does (no doubt the actual acronym is something like PacWarCenStupidThing), but it also does regular training for random stuff like battery maintenence.
- "Critics say that the platform has poor emergency preparedness..." who?
- FIST2FAC. lol. I forgot how terrible navy names for things are
- "The aircraft carrier which was actually a test dummy, the USS Utah..." sort of awkwardly worded. Also the Utah was a battleship before being turned into a target ship, not an aircraft carrier "test dummy"
- This article marks the only time Michael Bay has been solemn about anything, so that's something.
- this external link is to a pd photograph. Would we be better off uploading it to commons and including it in that gallery?
- this is a pdf. Is there some way to format the link so the reader knows that? Also is this something that would be eventually incorporated into the sourcing?
sources
[edit]- This is a little picky but this source does a lot of work for us. I think the milhist project has among them enough books on pearl harbor to build a life sized paper mache model of Ford island. Maybe we can use some of them here instead. :)
Thanks. Protonk (talk) 13:39, 14 September 2014 (UTC)
- Hi again Protonk, and thanks for this work ... there's no downside to adding this stuff directly to the A-class review, since we're not likely to promote until your points are addressed in some way. - Dank (push to talk) 14:00, 14 September 2014 (UTC)
- @Dank: should I just plop it in there under a section for my comments? I'm not familiar with the MILHIST A-class protocol, so I didn't want to barge in and drop a bunch of comments without asking. Protonk (talk) 14:07, 14 September 2014 (UTC)
- Sure, I've created a subsection just for you. - Dank (push to talk) 14:09, 14 September 2014 (UTC)
- @Dank: should I just plop it in there under a section for my comments? I'm not familiar with the MILHIST A-class protocol, so I didn't want to barge in and drop a bunch of comments without asking. Protonk (talk) 14:07, 14 September 2014 (UTC)
