User talk:Amsinger/sandbox

Comments[edit]

I'm an online ambassador for your WMST 250: Women, Art, and Culture (2014 Q3) class and have just stopped by to provide a quick review and add what I hope will be helpful comments.

This is quite an amazing story of a very strong girl and woman. Great job pulling this together! It's well-organized in sections and there are sources for the article content.

Some suggestions are:

Titles of plays, songs, etc. should be in italics
Regarding "Her father occupied a lot of debt through extravagant spending" (I changed Mr. Kelly to her father because her uncle is also Mr. Kelly) - I'm not sure what "occupied a lot of debt" means - that's new to me. Do you mean he acquired debt, became heavily in debt? - or perhaps this is just a use of occupied that I've not heard of before.
Her father left the family - and then "Fanny continued to support him financially until his death on April 4, 1833" is a segue needed? When did she begin to support him?
I'm generally confused about the info about her uncle - she worked with him "in later years" but then started working at the age of 7 in his opera.
In terms of capitalization of a family member's relationship, it would be Uncle Michael Kelly or her uncle, Michael Kelly. Since it was just a couple of sentences ago that it was mentioned that she worked with him, I don't think you need to restate the relationship - Michael Kelly should suffice in the sentence with "in her Uncle, Michael Kelly’s, opera Bluebeard."
Should the in "the Royalty" be capitalized?
There is some wording that could be tightened a little, if you wished: "passed away" to died -- or "fell in the lap of" or "when a fire struck the theatre" that could make the situation and outcome a little clearer. You may want to check out Janise Yntema or Enella Benedict for tone.

Most of these are just a bit of formatting and fine-tuning - overall, you've done a good job. I'll be watching this page and your sandbox page for any updates. You can also "ping" me (just type "{{ping|CaroleHenson}}" as you see it) to your message on this page or leave a message on my talk page. Happy editing!--CaroleHenson (talk) 02:18, 2 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Reference setup[edit]

To have the references work correctly, add the following with no leading spaces (I just did that for presentation here) after your last section:

== References ==
{{reflist|refs=
 <ref name="refname1">content1</ref> | with this being your list
 <ref name="refname2">content2</ref> | of references
 }}

And you need to add the refname tags with a slash (e.g., <ref name="refname1" /> where they are applicable in the body of your article.--CaroleHenson (talk) 01:33, 2 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]