User talk:Carlapicasso
| This user is a student editor in George_Washington_University/UW1020_M68_(Spring) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Carlapicasso, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:45, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
Response
[edit]Hi! Here are my notes:
- Avoid subjective terms like important, as things like this differ greatly depending on the reader. Some may see advertising as important while others may view it as something that has little bearing on their everyday life. It's better to say that advertising is something that is prevalent in many people's lives, as it's often very difficult for a person to go without seeing some form of advertising.
- Make sure that all major claims are sourced with a reliable source that explicitly backs up the claims. Many claims may need to be attributed to the person making the statement. I noticed that the header is mostly unsourced, so this will need to have more sourcing.
- Keep in mind that the section should take on a global perspective.
- Some portions need to be re-written to be more neutral. Sentences like "Louis Vuitton adopted the use of social media sites later, but that has not stopped them from building an advantageous campaign" come across as kind of non-neutral, almost promotional. This feels just a bit too casual in places. I'd recommend looking at other Wikipedia pages to see how to phrase the writing. Good examples are Ugg boots trademark dispute, Munchausen by Internet, or Church of Scientology editing on Wikipedia.
- The examples should be more brief and succinct. I would limit these examples to the most notable examples of social media in fashion advertising. I would give very general examples, such as "Some companies have utilized social media in their advertising campaigns and broadcast some of their shows directly to consumers on outlets such as Facebook, (list other social media outlets as sourcing permits). Since around 2010 fashion house Louis Vuitton has routinely streamed their shows and major events through social media. (source)."
- It should then move on to the next point and thus the next example. The only time I'd really go into a lot of depth is with something is exceptionally notable. I would also make sure to include how social media advertising has also changed or impacted them.
- This needs more sourcing to back up the claims, especially as many of these aren't usable. For example, Wikipedia cannot be used to source itself as it's the site anyone can edit. Forbes is also problematic since the source isn't marked as a staff contribution. The reason this is important is because the site has both staff content as well as content from various contributors, with the main difference being that Forbes doesn't verify or provide any true editorial oversight for the contributor posts. This isn't something that you'd be likely to really know beforehand, however. AIO Bot is unusable since the site is an e-commerce site and as such, the main gist is to get people to purchase something. There's also no guarantee of their editorial oversight or how they verify things. CNBC is generally OK to use, however the source doesn't actually back up the claims it's sourcing and there's no mention of social media at all.
- We can only summarize content that is in the sourcing - we cannot create original research based on the sourcing.
Unfortunately this needs a bit of an overhaul, but it should definitely be doable. Let me know if you have any questions or need any help! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:15, 8 April 2019 (UTC)