User talk:Ch8008766
| This user is a student editor in Carleton_University/Analyzing_Cinema,_Gender,_and_Sexuality_(Fall_2019) . |
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[edit]Hello, Ch8008766, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:12, 6 September 2019 (UTC)
Trish Dolman
[edit]Minor revisions necessary.
- You have chosen an interesting filmmaker!
- Several of the sources are not independent, so I recommend adding at least one or two additional reliable and independent secondary sources.
- The prose about her career also feels a little thin. See if you can find more information. You can also add quotes from her talking about her career.
- Add more footnotes to the text, because it’s not always clear where your information is coming to.
- Change the filmography to a table with more information about Dolman’s role on these films. You may also want to include the director and production company.
- The discussion of the panel was confusing. Was this an event that happened or a continuing thing?
Chronophoto (talk) 15:35, 22 October 2019 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi, I have some notes:
- I've moved the list to your sandbox's talk page so we can get a better look at what the article will be like when it's live.
- Be extremely careful about phrasing, as some words can come across as promotional without meaning it to. For example, the phrase "Collaborating with directors has proven to be a strong skill for the filmmaker" is something that comes across as PR speak, as it portrays Dolman in a positive light and comes across as being pro-Dolman. Keep in mind that anything that comes across as a point of view or subjective statement should be attributed to the person making the claim. If this is pulled from a primary source, take the claim with a grain of salt since most primary sources are meant to promote the person or topic in question.
- This is part of the reason why it's important to use secondary, independent reliable sources since aside from being unable to establish notability primary sources also make it easier to write in a promotional fashion since these are written to promote the individual in almost all situations.
- Titles of films and television series should be put in italics.
- This could use more sourcing, if it's available.
What I'm more concerned about is that some of this sounds too close to PR speak for comfort. It's not terrible, but it does need to be reviewed and editing in some places. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:02, 22 October 2019 (UTC)
Edit suggestions
[edit]Hi there, I have a few notes that I believe will help the flow of your article.
• The first sentence of your Career section is nearly identical to the closing sentence of your opening paragraph, the repetition distracts from the topic.
• I believe that when first discussing Christine Haebler joining Screen Siren Pictures, it would be best to flip the sentence, aka. “Screen Siren Pictures added Christine Haebler as a producer partner in 2009” SSP is the focus of this paragraph, and this is the first mention of Haebler in the article, it helps the reader to understand why she is relevant to Dolman.
• “Company's that Dolman has directed and produced for include:” Should be changed to “Companies that Dolman has directed and produced for include:”
• Your citation for National Dream Reel West is used frequently, however as there is no listed author, publisher etc. the source is incredibly hard to verify, more information within the source would be beneficial
• Awards and Honours should likely be a bullet list or a table, as is none of the sentences directly relate to one another. I really like the amount of information you have, and especially how it shows how Dolman’s career has progressed.