User talk:Claymeg18
| This user is a student editor in University_of_Washington/Interpersonal_Media_(Fall_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Claymeg18, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:43, 5 October 2020 (UTC)
Welcome!
[edit]Greetings Claymega18 and welcome (again!) to both Wikipedia and to COM482!
Looks like there was a little confusion. It seems that you created a new article called Immersive Design (capitalized) which was a copy of the Immersive design (lowercase) in your attempt to create a sandbox. Because this was in your "user" space, another Wikipedian then turned into a redirect. You can see the history here.
Although I see you are basically working from scratch, I think it's still probably worth creating a sandbox with the old article content. The existing article has quite a lot of text but, as you can see, it appears to have a lot of issues. I think that a major contribution will involve just cleaning up the material that is there.
If you want to work this out, we should schedule a time and/or you should come to office hours and we can do this together. —mako๛ 18:38, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
Feedback on your draft
[edit]Greetings Claymeg18! I'm sorry you didn't get feedback on User:Claymeg18/Immersive design from any of your classmates.
In any case, I think you article is off to a great start. You've added tons of information, a bunch of good references, and the article is 'much better shape than it was before. Hooray! I love the images and so on.
Most of my advice is just about cleaning things up. In particular:
- I think that references are supposed to be at the end of sentences. Check the manual of style to be sure.
- The "characteristics" sections doesn't have references. I'd either add those references and/or delete the text, and/or mark it as a needing a reference if you can't find a good one.
- Watch for phrases like "many in the industry believe" that don't specify who believe things.
- There's some funky stuff going with the references (e.g., see the [1] in the references).
I realize you inherited most of these issues but fixing these is up is part of making the article better.
Anyway, once you've done a final pass to clean up some of this stuff, please go ahead and move your changes over into the live version. I think with another pass, you'll be in really great shape! This is great work and a big improvement. —mako๛ 03:23, 2 November 2020 (UTC)