User talk:Hako97
| This user is a student editor in UC_Berkeley/Global_Poverty_and_Practice_(Fall_2018) . |
Welcome![edit]
Hello, Hako97, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:36, 5 September 2018 (UTC)
Madeleine's peer review[edit]
Area - Ban the Box[edit]
I really liked the use of the quote at the beginning of your section, because I felt that it gave a great introduction to what exactly it is and what the goal of it is. I think the example in Hawaii is a good start as well, but if you elaborate on it more it might provide some more useful context for your article! Also, it seems like what you have right now is a pretty clear outline for the progress you have planned!:) A suggestion is to just make clear sections (in whatever order you see as making the most sense) once you do gather all your information so that the flow is very natural--for example having different sections on the "history" and then some subsections on previous campaigns and initiatives, with another section being the Hawaii example, and so on. From reading it right now, I'm still a little confused on what exactly "Ban the Box" is, but with more information and examples I am sure that it will become clear! So far you do a great job at being neutral and simply stating facts! Your sources so far look good as well, I look forward to seeing your progress as you put together more of your drafting!!
Sector - Apprenticeships (Re-entry Apprenticeships section?)[edit]
As with the previous article, it seems like you have a very clear plan of action for your drafting, with possible sections being "types of programs" and separate examples of them. The first paragraph does a good job at immediately addressing the nature of this specific type of apprenticeship as focusing on those once incarcerated, but the sentence after it, I feel, sort of jumps ahead a bit. For example, maybe more general information could be given to provide more broad background context about re-entry apprenticeship, and then in a separate section or subsection go into the effectiveness and results/consequences of it, with examples and data from your sources. It also seems like you have a lot of great sources! Basically just keep chugging along, getting more sources and adding information to your draft and it will really come together nicely :)
Madeleinemoyer (talk) 06:14, 6 November 2018 (UTC)
— Preceding unsigned comment added by Madeleinemoyer (talk • contribs) 21:28, 31 October 2018 (UTC)