User talk:Laurdurham
| This user is a student editor in University_of_Dayton/Social_Media_Writing_(Spring_2021) . |
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[edit]Hello, Laurdurham, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:34, 3 March 2021 (UTC)
Review of Article:
Lead Your lead does provide a quick overview of who Jillian Mercado is, and what she is most known for. I had a good understanding of what the article was going to be emphasizing about Ms. Mercado’s life just through the lead. My only recommendation would be to break up the last sentence into two or more sentences or omit the first part of it before the coma, for conciseness.
Clear Structure The structure of the article is clear from the contents table. Everything appears to be in chronological order, and briefly summarizes what Jillian did during that part of her career or activism. I might suggest putting her accomplishments in a list, to make it easier for readers to skim, but I did not have that much of an issue with the way it is now.
Balance of Content The Career and Activism portions of this article have enough information that I have a solid understanding of who and what Jillian has done so far in her life. If you could possibly find more information on her early life, that would be great, but as it stands now does not create too many problems with the balance of content.
Neutral Tone You did a wonderful job indicating where Jillian spoke about herself and where she believes she received inspiration from throughout this article. Your tone seems to present information from a neutral standpoint and continuously centers information about Jillian as most important.
Reliable Sourcing From the sources I clicked through, they all appeared to be working and from current articles or news outlets. The quality of the source material was good, as Forbes and Elle magazine were some examples of where you got your information from. As the author of this article, I feel you have done well to employ these sources to support your statements in the article. The only point where I was a bit confused on where you received your information was the final sentence of the Activism section, but once I reviewed the marked source in the sentence before I was able to see where you got the information.
The most important thing you could do to improve the article would be to play around with the organization of the Career section to make it as user friendly as possible, and/or add a photo or two to the article. Like I mentioned previously, the Career section’s organization is not a huge issue as it stands now but could make it easier to obtain information faster as someone who is wanting to gain quick knowledge about Jillian. The added photos would be a nice, finalizing touch to the article as well.
The amount of information you were able to present about Jillian Mercado is definitely something I am planning to inform my article… I need to find out more about Jean Winterbottom! Hhuelsman (talk) 13:29, 6 April 2021 (UTC)Haley Huelsman