User talk:Laylaserna/sandbox

Layla, great start to your contribution to this wikipedia article. Some sentence structures might need to be revised, such as "To determine the cause of this increase, trends in suicide attemps are investigated and researched thoroughly." But overall, a really good job. Carlapicasso (talk) 16:08, 6 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

So far, I think this looks really good because it overlooks the general national trend. I think it would be fine to include the table directly on the first topic as it's closely related to the first topic too. Bokyung0327 (talk) 02:39, 1 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Hey Layla,

Overall, your paragraph is on track and looks good. I really like your usage of language and the idea of putting a chart for visual aid on the page. I think the use of statistics and multiple sources show credibility and seriousness of the issue. Robertpark1999 (talk) 01:42, 2 April 2019 (UTC)robertpark1999[reply]

This is great! The only thing I would want to change is the sentence structure in "To determine the cause of this increase, trends in suicide attemps are investigated and researched thouroughly." You can try saying something like "Trends in suicide attempts are investigated and researched throughly to determine the cause of this increase." That might just be a preference of mine, but great job otherwise! Cbettica65 (talk) 13:18, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Your article here is very well put together, at first glance I was a bit confused about your image. But after reading the description of the image you have added the image was clear and easy to understand. Casey518 (talk) 13:30, 3 April 2019 (UTC)Casey O'Connor[reply]

the format of your page looks good, make sure to link the article you are working on. In the sentence "Knowing the trends in suicide help to prevent suicide through early identification and treatment of individuals deemed high risk." I would reword it to maybe "Knowing the trends in suicide helps take preventative measures through early identification and treatment of individuals deemed high risk." just to make it more clear.Oliviaohearn (talk) 13:31, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Hi! Format is very good and I liked how you added the photo. However, maybe just add a little note of what the picture represents. Also, citing/sources look good. For the use of statistics, when wiring the dates you can do 2004-2005 in stead of using "through" so it doesn't seem as wordy. Otherwise, good job! Miaeschlidt (talk) 16:00, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Really good use of statistics and facts to provide information on your topic. I felt as if it has a very substantial format and is very informative information.Henrykuv (talk) 16:40, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Great start! I really like where you placed your hyperlinks, it gave me an opportunity to increase my knowledge on the topic. Additonally, I liked that the content of the paragraph it is very informative with a lot of factual evidence. There are some grammatical errors. For instance. "A national epidemiologic survey of 69 341 US adults found "the percentage making a recent suicide attempt increased from 0.62% in 2004 through 2005 to 0.79% in 2012 through 2013.” reads a little weird. I suggest changing it to "the percentage of adults attempting suicide increased from 0.62% in 2004 through 2005 to 0.79% in 2012 through 2013." Awhite07 (talk) 22:39, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The recent spike in suicide rates in the United States has gained public and clinical attention. Despite all efforts to minimize suicide rates, it has steadily increased by approximately 2% per year from 2006 to 2014.[1] To determine the cause of this increase, trends in suicide attemps are investigated and researched thouroughly. Knowing the trends in suicide help to prevent suicide through early identification and treatment of individuals deemed high risk.[2] A national epidemiologic survey of 69 341 US adults found "the percentage making a recent suicide attempt increased from 0.62% in 2004 through 2005 to 0.79% in 2012 through 2013.”[3] Suicide attemps also were found to impact specifically "younger adults with less formal education and those with antisocial personality disorder, anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, and a history of violence”[3] at disproportional rates. Other data regarding the trends in sex, age, race, marital status, and education attainment can be found in table 2.

The sentence that reads, "Suicide attempts also were found to impact specifically...", sounds a little weird. Maybe try, "It was found that suicide attempts impact...". Also, in, "Knowing the trends in suicide help to prevent suicide...", the wording is a little off so maybe try rewording that. Fields18x (talk) 00:40, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

This article looks very good overall, there's not much I can add that hasn't been said already. Sophieb905 (talk) 00:45, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Very good. Only recommendation is to add link to Wikipedia article itself and cut out unnecessary words like "all" in the 2nd sentence and add commas if necessary when quoting information. Regards, Rapidrider (talk) 15:44, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I like the use of statistics, because it adds credibility to your source. Additionally, the use of a pictures and the use of a lot of factual pieces of evidence helps clarify your synopsis. Benitalukose (talk) 03:01, 6 April 2019 (UTC) Benita Lukose[reply]