User talk:NOakes20
| This user is a student editor in University_of_Pittsburgh/The_Archaeologist_Looks_at_Death_(Fall_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, NOakes20, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:43, 9 September 2020 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]Hello NOakes20, this is Cami Lange (Cgpitt) and I am the one who completed your peer review. I think that Tollund Man is a really interesting topic. I am actually editing the page on bog bodies so much of the information sort of overlaps. While I could have missed it, I didn't see that you have added any new content to the article which I totally understand because school this semester has really brought on all new elements of stress.
I think that a great way to start your editing would be to compile a potential list of references in your sandbox. This is one of the first things that I did in my own article because then I was able to add them as in-text citations where they fit in my article. I also think that there could be some editing of the article as a whole to make it more clear and concise. There are a few misspellings such as the word "characterized" in the lead. Also in the lead, I think there is a good example of how to sort of clean up the way in which some of the sentences are phrased. For example, "The Tollund Man is a naturally mummified corpse of a man who lived during the 4th century BC, during the period characterized in Scandinavia as the Pre-Roman Iron Age." could be written like this...Tollund Man is a corpse that was naturally mummified (maybe explain what natural mummification is briefly). This corpse dates back to the Scandinavian Pre-Roman Iron Age which took place around the 4th century BC (maybe provide a range of years of this time period). Also, there may be too much detail on the cause of death in the lead. I would maybe relocate that to a section further in the article. Lastly, maybe examine the sections for relevance. For example, I'm not sure that the "further readings" section is all that important to the article.
I think that one of the best things about this article is that there is so much that you could add to improve it without much difficulty. Good luck with editing! Cgpitt (talk) 06:37, 20 October 2020 (UTC)