User talk:ThePromenader/Paris

Introduction

This should be kept as general as possible, to a theme "what Paris is generally known for". No need for the overly-detailed administrative, "white collar" info that is there now, nor for the overly-detailed "lie of the land" that I threw together later. This info would be best distributed through the page's other subjects (as they are anyways) to avoid redundancy and to establish a "more details as you go" reading flow. Speak of economic weight but here it's best to keep it to a percentage of France's.

Geographical Situation

Would there be a better title for this? In any case it would be simper to incorporate the area, altitude, climate and temperature info under one heading. Strictly "today" info.

Very Brief History

Very. Brief. Link to main article.

Administration

For flow and comprehensibility to the uninitiated reader this should be set up as:

Paris' own administration and administrative divisions
Paris in France's Administration and its administrative divisions

Population

Again for flow, context, and better understanding:

The origins of Paris' earlier populatons and distribution through the (smaller) capital, very brief mention of "new populations" attracted by train and Paris' rising fame (Immigration from Auvergne being "set up" in the Plaisance quarter, etc), Haussmann (and Belgrand), the 1860 annexation (to today's limits) and a brief outline of the "new" arrondissements until the 1930's - quality of housing in each (cossue, HBM, garni, etc).
"Today" info - Population that has since arrived to fill the largely-unchanged above building situation to grow past Paris' borders into the suburbs. Here we speak of the expansion of the "Agglomération Parisenne", that is to say the urbanized areas around Paris. Population distribution, 1930's immigration then 1950's "villes dortoirs". "Today" square metre per inhabitant statistics through different quarters and suburbs.
The commuter age,larger dispersion. Here we can speak of the new "aire urbaine" unit as it is a result of the "commuter" indique added to the "agglomoration" explained above. In this way everyone will understand. New commuter towns, towns around distant suburban industry, "old" towns etc. Here we can mention, the "parisian network" explained, Paris' "new" population numbers.

Economy

This old chestnut. As it stands, this article contains no information and amounts to tossing numbers (that represent what exactly?) against those of other countries. A new comprehensive economy article would have:

A very short description of Paris' early economy (river trade, markets, mines, first industry, artisans) suburban agriculture and "industrial antennas".
Suburban industry and its expansion, what industry remains to Paris today. What industry Paris' suburbs contain (medical research, aeronautics, cars, etc). Again at the end we can add the "networking" factor to contrive the "aire urbaine" GDP number so flouted today.
"Paris, travel hub" - technology showcase, centre of trade, tourism perhaps lumped into one. Quite in the spirit of the Universal Expositions actually.

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I'm not sure what your intentions are with this page but it looks as though you may be suggesting that the text on this page may be moved to the Paris article. You ask for some comments. I'd like to make a general comment about the style. Take this introduction to the Economy section:

"We must look larger than to the city itself to speak of Paris' economy. If it can be considered that it is anything produced by the city, for the city, or depending on the city, its place on a map would spread well into the suburbs, and always has. The city itself had its artisans and quarters of industry, but the dirtier of these were often pushed outside its walls to create new agglomerations of their own. The river Bièvre tissue industry was an example for its creation of the Faubourg Saint-Marcel, as was furniture and smelting industries the origin of the Faubourg-Saint-Antoine. Of course Paris' agriculture, save for a few "market gardeners" maraîchers, lay to its outskirts and well beyond. This situation remained simple in the years where long-distance travel was a slow and onerous undertaking."

I am sorry to have to say (and I apologise in advance if you were aware of this and intending to change it) that this almost looks like a French article translated word for word (or even by Google!) into English. "We must look larger than to the city itself..." is not an English construction and it's not immediately obvious what it means. The next sentence beginning "If it can be considered that..." is missing the clauses that would render it meaningful. The phrase "The river Bièvre tissue industry was an example for its creation of the Faubourg Saint-Marcel..." means nothing in English. Phrases like "quarters of industry", "the tissue industry" and "new agglomerations" are clearly franglais. Words like "maraîchers" are unintelligible in an English language article. The sentence beginning "This situation remained simple..." is also unclear.

It may be that this is just a stream of consciousness first draft. But if not, I'd suggest that it is not acceptable in its current form.

Finally, you may not have noticed but I made some comments on your Josefu Paris work in progress page just before you appear to have moved the article here. The same theme applies to my earlier comment. Adrian Robson 14:54, 8 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Transportation

Not much to say here - There's a few more SNCF "sub-services" to add but in all it amounts to a good "how to get there and get around".

City Life

This is an invention of mine so I hope you like it. Every city has more or less the same elements - industry (techniques, trades, specialties), food (what produce, from where), commerce (central stores, suburban shopping malls), entertainment (theater, cinema), etc - but all in different forms to different degrees. In discussing each element separately we create an opportunity to explain not only what form each has today, but how it came to be that way. I think using this method paints a very clear picture of how a city lives.