User talk:Valgall
| This user is a student editor in UC_Berkeley/Global_Poverty_and_Practice_(Spring_2018) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Valgall, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:07, 25 January 2018 (UTC)
Peer Review by Subul
[edit]Sorry for the wait:(
Overall
[edit]You have some great research to begin with! There are a lot of different tangents you can go with this, so definitely explore a bit and see where you find more information. Right now your area research is a bit stronger than sector research, although you could choose a sector topic from within the area research you chose (you had sector research topics under your area section that you could potentially write about). Otherwise, you chose some good subcategories for the area articles, but definitely consider going more specific for sector. Right now what you have is general and not specific to Pacheco or even the larger region in general, which can make it hard for you to write an article and you may not get as much out of it either. It also might be less contested/popular of an article to write than the general articles you chose, which would make editing very easy.
Area
[edit]General Pacheco
[edit]You bring up 3 major motor companies that are found in Pacheco, and I find this interesting since they must either be a big deal, or they are promoting themselves, or both. It begs the question, are they disproportionately represented in the article? If not, then this could be interesting to look into, because these companies may be directly related to income, economy, industries, and general welfare of the people. Or, they might be so important that they are directly related to poverty.
Otherwise, it is definitely important to understand the industries prevalent in a location to understand power dynamics, income, etc., so I agree with you that a heading on economy should be added. This can overlap or cover the info mentioned in the previous paragraph. Similarly, a geography section I also agree is important, since geography heavily influences industries, culture, any potential "traps", and more. As for the municipal page that links to their contact information, consider leaving that link in while incorporating the information you mentioned. Education and transportation like you mentioned are also solid places to go, so definitely explore those but make sure to narrow your focus or you might be trying to cover too much information in too little time!
However, I am a little wary of writing about the "culture" of a location. These can be subjective, and different from the outside looking in, and so unless you are comfortable with the location, I would not suggest you do that. If you find literature on culture you can definitely try, I would just be very careful to not misrepresent the people.
Sector
[edit]Health Campaign
[edit]This might be a little difficult to contribute to, since it's so general and broad. This also usually corresponds to more authors from more backgrounds/fields so a more contested article that may be more difficult to contribute to meaningfully. Maybe consider Health campaigns specific to Pacheco or the general region/Argentina? I do like your idea of a critical analysis of health campaigns' and NGOs' contributions to healthcare, especially since this would by necessity narrow your focus to your region. For additional contributions, adding information on challenges of participation could be a minor edit but I believe you can more meaningfully contribute to the other topics mentioned in this section and in biblio below!
Bibliography
[edit]I notice that a LOT of your "area" sources seem more relevant to sector - specifically, health care policies/government in healthcare. This could potentially be how you specify your sector article! You have a lot of specific literature on this topic and although you did not consider it in your evaluation, definitely look into it.
Again, you've got a great start, all you need to do is explore more and narrow your focus!
Subuls (talk) 19:17, 16 March 2018 (UTC)Subuls
Hello Valgall, thank you for your contributions. I have reverted your good-faith addition though, because the content seemed too detailed for a broad overview article about NGOs in general (and "campaigning" in general is already covered). The added text was also not phrased in a really dispassionate and uninvolved tone. For example, phrases like "An individual's health stems from a personal responsibility." or "The ultimate goal in a health campaign is behavior change in regards to health." and similar sentences throughout the added text don't seem "uninvolved" as required by Wikipedia's neutral point of view - even probably correct information needs to be phrased in a completely neutral and encyclopedic manner. Wikipedia articles should not advocate for health campaigns (or any other cause, no matter how noble). I'd be glad to discuss possible other improvements or alternative phrasings on the article talkpage, or to answer further questions if you need any help. Best regards. GermanJoe (talk) 11:46, 28 April 2018 (UTC)