Wikipedia:Peer review/Danny McGrain/archive1

Danny McGrain

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've added considerably over the last month to the article and would like a review of how it stands quality-wise.

Thanks, ShugSty (talk) 00:49, 15 September 2013 (UTC)

Comments by Shudde

• Obviously having a free image or two would be valuable – I understand how hard this may be, but it'd still be good to have.
• I think the opening sentence could be written a little better. It's trying to convey a lot of information, but this makes it a little hard to read.
• Have a look at WP:NUMERAL
• Caps should probably be wiki-linked, many people will be unfamiliar with the term. Done 25/9/13
• "during Jock Stein's 9-in-a-row glory days" -- apart from the fact this may not be understood by many people, if you say 9-in-a-row to refer to nine league titles in a row, then adding glory days seems like a case of WP:PEACOCK.
• "1970s saw him described by many as being one of the best full-backs in the world." -- don't really like this statement ("by many"? - who), but if it stays then it needs a citation, even in the lead.
• "playing for nearly 18 months in the 1970s, causing him to miss Scotland's campaign in the 1978 World Cup in Argentina." - the bit about the 1970s seems redundant if you mention he missed the 1978 world cup Done 25/9/13
• " and is now currently part of Neil Lennon's coaching staff at Celtic." - might want to be more specific - what is his role? Since when (the year)?
• "Anybody who saw him at his best had the unmistakeable impression of watching a great player, probably one who had no superior anywhere in the world." - is this supposed to be italics? Done 25/9/13
• Regarding the years in the infobox, should they be 1967–1987 or 1967–87 ?
• The statistics could probably use a citation
• Many of the paragraphs are only one or two sentences long. I'm wondering if you could avoid this with a bit of a copy-edit
• A lot of the paragraphs start with "McGrain"
• Some hyphens should be dashes - see WP:DASH Done 25/9/13
• Try and be consistent with some terms. For example you use "right back" and "right-back" -- either seems fine, but don't switch between the two Done 25/9/13
• "McGrain was voted into the team, which was; Simpson, McGrain, Gemmell, Murdoch, McNeill, Auld, Johnstone, P McStay, Dalglish, Larsson and Lennox" -- missing a fullstop Done 25/9/13
• Be a little careful of repeating yourself or having redundancies. For example you say "McGrain is a member of the Scotland Football Hall of Fame, courtesy of the 62 caps he won during his career.", but that he gained 62 caps was mentioned in the previous sentence. Done 25/9/13

I will give the article a more thorough read through later this week if I have a chance. -- Shudde ^talk 12:27, 17 September 2013 (UTC)