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Wikipedia:Peer review/Helen Shiller/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I intend eventual GA.

Thanks, Hugh (talk) 05:23, 6 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments:

  • Lead is too short, it should summarize the article, see WP:LEAD
  • There should be information about date of birth and place of birth, see again LEAD

done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Remove the flag icon in the infobox, see WP:MOSFLAG

done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • One-sentence sections should be merged somewhere or expanded

done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Replace {{cn}} templates with references
  • The prose does not flow, eg too many short sentences which should be merged with other.

done Hugh (talk) 02:38, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Avoid external links in text, see WP:EL.
  • Avoid non-neutral words, eg "absurd ", see WP:WTA, WP:NPOV

done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

done Hugh (talk) 03:26, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Do not link the same article multiple times, see WP:OVERLINKING
  • The article generally needs copediting. You can request one at WP:GOCE/REQ
  • Just a few examples regarding the prose:
    • You have "Schiller ... Shilller ... Shiller's ... Shiller's" in the first section. How about you rewrite it like this: "Shiller was born to middle-class home owners in 1947[2] and raised on Long Island[3] in New York.[1]"

done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

    • "Her father "perfected fake suede."" - how is that important? Write only important aspects, and remove anything unrelated, see WP:TRIVIA

it is a quote from the subject of the article, attribution added in text Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

These are the major factors. Once you fix those, this article will have better potential at GAN. Regards.--♫GoP♫TCN 12:34, 10 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the notes! Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]