Wikipedia:Peer review/Hold It Against Me/archive1

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Hold It Against Me[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to nominate it to FA in the future.

Thanks, Saulo Talk to Me 22:13, 27 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Laser brain

General

  • Please make sure you consult with the major editors of this article, Xwomanizerx (talk · contribs) in particular, before bringing it to WP:FAC. I note that you have not made substantive contributions to this article, and as such it would not be fair for you to claim Featured Article credit for it.
He's not working here since December. I'm still waiting for him to comeback. If he doesn't in a month or two, I'll request another review before bringing it to FAC. - Saulo Talk to Me 23:52, 21 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • "Belgium Wallonia"? I've never heard it called that. I think that's non-standard. Maybe just "Wallonia" and hyperlink, or "the Wallonia region of Belgium".
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 23:52, 21 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Are the performances you mention in the lead notable enough to be so prominent?
These are her first performances since 2009. And the FFT one is the opening performance fromt he show, so I guess they have enough notability to be cited there. - Saulo Talk to Me 23:52, 21 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Background

  • Can you mention who wrote the lyrics? Is it known?
First line of the secion. - Saulo Talk to Me 23:52, 21 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Does "early demo of the track by McKee" mean that she was performing it? If not, how is it "by McKee"? This needs clarification.
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 23:52, 21 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • How does a radio premiere cause web sites to crash? Explain.
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 23:52, 21 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

  • The section that references the sheet music needs rewriting. As is pretty common with these song articles, it was written by someone who has no idea what they're talking about. It's not 133 bpm, it's not in compound meter, and the vocal range definitely doesn't go up to G5.
  • This section contains much too high a percentage of quotations. Paraphrase/summarize some of that in your own words.
I disagree with both points. Regarding the first one, there are several good and featured articles that use almost the same sentences. See "Irreplaceable", "Déjà Vu"... The list is really big, I can list much more if you want to. About the quotations, I also don't think there is much too much of them. Yes, there are a lyrics from the song there, but the reviews are as paraphrazed as they can be. I cite "Irreplaceable" again as an example, which Composition section has much more quotations and the article still is featured and constantly fiscalized by Wikipedia contributors. - Saulo Talk to Me 11:49, 23 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not saying the sheet music section is badly written, I'm saying that it has incorrect information. It needs to be fixed by someone who knows how to read the sheet music and get the correct information in the article. The number of quotations is a subjective matter—I happen to think there are too many, but maybe other editors would agree with you. --Laser brain (talk) 13:13, 23 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, sorry, I misunderstood you. Let me see what I can do, I know an editor here that knows how to correct the info, I guess. - Saulo Talk to Me 13:18, 23 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Critical Reception

  • Why would a critic say that Spears isn't evolving with her lyrics, when she doesn't write the lyrics?
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 11:49, 23 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Chart performance

  • I would write "behind only Mariah Carey"
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 11:49, 23 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After its release in the United Kingdom, 'Hold It Against Me' debuted at number six on the UK Singles Chart, becoming her 21st top ten hit." The "her" is sort of floating out there. Sentence needs rewriting to define the subject.
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 11:49, 23 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I see that we write "Belgium (Wallonia)" in this section.

Charts and certifications

  • Something is broken in one of the cells.
I see nothing. - Saulo Talk to Me 11:49, 23 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Overall pretty good. Seems to be a relatively mature article. --Laser brain (talk) 01:27, 21 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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