Wikipedia:Peer review/Impossible Princess/archive3

Impossible Princess

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because since this article is listed as GA, I would like help in making at FA. I have done extensive research like a maniac on the album (and all featuring songs) and I've listed it as a FA but was not promoted. After months of research and correcting, I think it would be helpful if I have some advice from other Wikipedians to improve this from GA to FA.

Thanks, GirlsAlouud (talk · contribs} 03:38, 11 April 2015 (UTC)

Comments by Rationalobserver

Lead

• Minogue collaborated with new record producers and composers for the album, including Dave Ball, Ingo Vauk, Brothers in Rhythm, Manic Street Preachers and Rob Dougan.

I think I know what you mean, but maybe rework this to avoid calling them "new".

• focusing on dance music and infuses strong elements of trip-hop, rock and drum and bass.

infuses → infusing

• This became Minogue's first musical effort to contributed on all the lyrics and composition of the album.[2]

to → that she

• and was certified Platinum

Not sure platinum should be capped here.

• Minogue promoted the album by releasing a series of tracks

Where these singles? If so, maybe mention it.

• The album has been recognized as one of Minogue's greatest triumphs and a big step forward in terms of musical composition.

Is the "big step forward" also Minogue's, or the industry?

• calling it one of the most underrated albums in pop history.

That's a pretty big claim to leave out the source/in-line attribution.

Background

• accused the staff of PWL for creating "cheap" and "dated" music

the staff of PWL → their staff; for creating → of creating

• It achieve critical acclaim

achieve → achieved

• Minogue began a personal relationship with French photographer Stéphane Sednaoui.[10] Together they embarked on a series of trips across the United States and South East Asia.

Combine these to flow better; e.g., "In XXXX, Minogue had began a personal relationship with French photographer Stéphane Sednaoui, and together they embarked on a series of trips across the United States and South East Asia."

Recording and production

• Each morning, Minogue would present lyrics to Seaman from the night before.

You haven't yet introduced Seaman, so the reader will not know who they are.

• Bradfield contacted Minogue's A&R Pete Hadfield

Same as above

• "[...] It's been the most exciting time to be able to write my own lyrics, my own songs and watch these songs grow and morph into this and that and in what I'm really pleased with".[20]

There is no need for the brackets or the introductory ellipses.

Music

• how to produce, composed and "change and distort" songs

composed → compose

• It combines trip-hop,

it → Impossible Princess

• composed the bridge section of the track by using a synthesizer.

by using a synthesizer → on a synthesizer

• The fourth track "Did It Again" used a similar approach

"Did It Again" is in apposition, so should be set off with commas.

Lyrical depiction

• Why not just "lyrics"?
• Minogue is credited as the co-writer to all the songs on the album

Earlier you say, "Minogue participated in co-producing and co-composing certain tracks off Impossible Princess", which seems to contradict this statement.

• "Too Far" wrote the song at a local cafe she regularly visited.[35]

Do you mean it was written?

• She commented the she wanted Sednaoui to "take all off her" and "not some of her."[41]

Check for typos and/or mis-transcribed words. I'm seeing a lot of them here.

• Minogue is telling herself off

Not encyclopedic

Packaging and title

• projected by color lighting

Do you mean "colored lighting"?

• The photo shoot ran for a week

ran for → lasted

• Some unreleased photos were featured in Minogue's books but most remain unpublished.

How could they be unreleased if they were included in a publishes book?

Release

• "I've told not to be frustrated"

Missing words?

• Minogue contemplated in using one of her magazine appearances

Remove in

Conclusion

I'd go through more sections, but I see lots and lots of little errors that need to be corrected before any major work is undertaken. It's not too bad right now, but I do get the sense that a language barrier might be showing in some of the prose. I'd ask for some help with the copyediting before taking this back to FAC, as right now there are too numerous glitches that would prevent its passing. Rationalobserver (talk) 20:47, 28 April 2015 (UTC)