Proper Condom Use

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This article is about the South Park episode. For condom use information, see Condom.
"Proper Condom Use"
South Park episode
Episode no. Season 5
Episode 7
Directed by Trey Parker
Written by Trey Parker
Production code 507
Original air date August 1, 2001
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Cartmanland"
Next →
"Towelie"
South Park (season 5)
List of South Park episodes

"Proper Condom Use" is the seventh episode of the fifth season of the animated television series South Park, and the 72nd episode of the series overall. "Proper Condom Use" originally aired in the United States on August 1, 2001 on Comedy Central.

Plot[edit]

Cartman excitedly tells Stan and Kyle to come with him to Kenny's house. Repeating the phrase "red rocket", he masturbates Kenny's dog to the point of ejaculation, or, as he says, "milks the dog".

Stan, thinking that what Cartman did was cool, demonstrates the technique on his own dog Sparky (who has not been seen since season one's "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride") in front of his parents and their friends during a book club meeting, for which he is grounded for ten months. Stan cannot understand why he is being punished, as his parents are too embarrassed to explain to him about sexual stimulation and decide that the school should be responsible for teaching sex ed.

Mr. Mackey tries to teach the fourth grade boys about male anatomy and the mechanics of sexual intercourse. Not having had sex since he was 19, 21 years earlier, Mr. Mackey cannot teach the boys anything of use. Ms. Choksondik, intending to scare the girls into safe sex, spends her lesson teaching the girls about all the different types of STDs that they might catch if the boys are not wearing condoms, but leaves out the most important detail, that in order to catch these diseases, they would first need to have sex (presumably because she feels it seems so obvious). The girls, who were just curious at first, become so terrified of the boys that, upon being approached by them at lunch to swap notes, they back away in terror, and scream in fright when they learn the boys aren't wearing condoms. Scared they will catch a disease, the boys then go to the pharmacy where the male pharmacist at first refuses to sell them condoms, stating that they are too young and that teaching sex education in elementary schools is wrong. The female pharmacist sells them the condoms because she wants them to be safe if they are having sex.

Hearing from the pharmacist that condoms were purchased, the school believes this is due to the students being sexually active. As a result Ms. Choksondik says they should start teaching kindergarten students about sex education, although Chef is appalled at this decision and objects. Therefore, Mr. Garrison is tasked with teaching proper condom use to the kindergarten children, and his preferred method of applying a condom using only his mouth shocks his students.

Now more motivated than ever to scare the girls into getting boys to wear condoms, Ms. Choksondik teaches the girls about pregnancy, which scares them even more than before when she shows them a detailed video of a woman giving birth. The boys then buy the condoms and wear them at all times. Not understanding how they work, they even urinate in them, but after Cartman tries to put a fresh one on during class, Mr. Mackey tells them they only have to wear them when they are having sex. Angry that the girls misled them, and thinking that the girls are the ones carrying diseases, they come to believe that they must get rid of the girls. The girls, terrified by Ms. Choksondik's traumatizing lessons, build a massive fort to keep the boys out. The boys find where the girls are hiding and tell them to leave town in a siege reminiscent of Mad Max 2. The girls refuse and open fire (killing Kenny in the fusillade) and the boys attack.

While preparing the lesson plan, Ms. Choksondik and Mr. Mackey become aroused by the sexual nature of their conversation, and admit to having sexual fantasies about each other. The two undress, and engage in unprotected sexual intercourse.

Meanwhile the battle between the girls and boys leads to several casualties with Molotov Cocktails and rapid-fire nail-guns, and the parents get angry at the children for the conflict. Ms. Choksondik takes full responsibility for the conflict and apologizes to the girls, for not telling them you must have intercourse in order to catch an STD.

Chef, however, states that the parents are to blame since they were so quick to let the schools handle sex education rather than teach it to their kids themselves, as sex itself is an emotional topic and that, while he acknowledges that it is difficult for parents to tell their children about sex, it is better than letting the children get taught by people with no experience of sex (Mr. Mackey), a bad view of it (Miss Choksondik) or even a complete pervert (Garrison, who takes offense for being described this way). When asked when children are ready to have sex, he responds with an unconditional, "17 — you're ready" (which happens to be the age of consent in the state of Colorado). The children are relieved they do not have to worry about disease for at least eight years, especially Stan and Wendy, and the episode ends with Cartman playing "red rocket" with another dog.

Over the closing credits, Garrison can be heard still teaching kindergarteners different sexual techniques.

Ratings and censorship[edit]

In Australia, this episode received an MA rating, due to its strong sexual content throughout, and graphic violence near the end of the episode. Because of its content, this episode also aired at 9:00 at night instead of the programme's usual 8:30 timeslot. The British satellite channel Sky One banned this episode for its strong sexual and violent content, even though it aired a TV trailer with scenes from the episode. The UK terrestrial channel Channel 4 and the UK cable channels Paramount Comedy 1 and MTV UK aired the episode with no edits made.

According to the DVD commentary, Comedy Central asked Parker and Stone to drastically shorten the part where Mr. Garrison demonstrates how to put on a condom by using his mouth with a condom around the lips and deep-throating the model penis used in the lesson. They retained the scene, but cut from Mr. Garrison putting his lips on the dildo to the children staring in shock at what Garrison is doing off-screen.

External links[edit]