Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Revelation (Third Day album)/archive2

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by GrahamColm 15:07, 19 August 2012 [1].

Revelation (Third Day album)[edit]

Revelation (Third Day album) (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

Toolbox
Nominator(s): Toa Nidhiki05 18:50, 22 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because it meets the required criteria. While the previous nomination just recently ended with a decision of no consensus, I received permission to re-nominate it due to the resolved and responded to comments as well as the overall lack of discussion the nomination received. Toa Nidhiki05 18:50, 22 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Note: This is a WikiCup nomination. The following nominators are WikiCup participants: Toa Nidhiki05. To the nominator: if you do not intend to submit this article at the WikiCup, feel free to remove this notice. UcuchaBot (talk) 00:01, 23 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments:
  • need Alt for images and audio clips. scopes on tables. – Lionel (talk) 09:28, 31 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done the images, will work on the tables... But how would I do Alt sections for an audio file? Toa Nidhiki05 14:46, 31 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • What about "arrow in the middle of a horizontal bar"? Kidding. I checked {{listen}} and alt is only used when an image accompanies the sound. So skip the alt for the audio files. – Lionel (talk) 06:03, 1 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: I looked over the licensing of the pics and the audio clips, checking the length of the audio against NFCC--and though I'm no expert--exerything seems to be in order.– Lionel (talk) 02:58, 3 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]


Comment: I am no expert in this field, but some substantive comments on this FAC are overdue, so I hope that the following may kickstart the review by encouraging others with more knowledge to join in. My comments are restricted to the lead and the Background section, which is as far as I have read. The prose does not read particularly smoothly, and may require some general attention.

  • The first paragraph of the lead needs some reorganisation. It should open with some headline facts about the album, rather than information about the change of management agency and other background information. The paragraph tends to dwindle into snippets of information, e.g. Brad Avery leaving the band, which have no direct relevance to te album itself
  • There is too much detail in the lead about the working relationship with Benson, since this information is given again in the background section which immediately follows. I would replace all the material between The band worked and "reflected in the record" with a simple sentence along the lines: "The album was produced by Howard Benson, with whom the group achieved a positive working relationship after an uncertain start".
  • Beware of overlinking; terms such as "Jewish" and "rock" do not in my view require a link
  • As you mention the change of management agency in the Background section, a very brief account of the reason for this change would be helpful
  • Commonpace expressions such as "more confident than ever" are hardly worth quoting verbatim. A simple paraphrase would be better
  • Likewise, the single word "transcended" in quotes looks very odd; again I would replace this with your own term
  • "According to Benson, both he and Mosley were moved to tears by the session, and opined "you don't get that in the studio very often". Not grammatical: who opined?
  • Tense consistency required. Tai Anderson "says", but others are quoted in the past tense. We also have "The band says..." Surely the band is plural?

Brianboulton (talk) 19:27, 14 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

First off, thanks for commenting. I've rearranged a bit, removing the management bits and highlighting the collaboration with Benson, recording conditions, overall style and lyrics. I've also avoided overlinking in the lede. I've noted the reason as to why, which was to "shake things up". I've also changed 'transcended' to 'went beyond', removed some paraphrases, and changed all tense to past tense in quotes. Toa Nidhiki05 20:15, 14 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/Revelation_(Third_Day_album)/archive2&oldid=1140201850"