Wikipedia:Peer review/Melbourne Airport/archive2

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Melbourne Airport[edit]

Previous peer review
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I hope it will become a FAC in the next few months. Fresh ideas on improvement are needed.

Thanks, Aaroncrick(Tassie Boy talk) 11:13, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Jafeluv

Lead:

  • Melbourne is the most common destination for the airports of five of Australia's seven capital cities. – Kind of misleading, since there are actually eight capital cities, Melbourne itself being one.
  • The airport comprises of four terminals, one international terminal, two domestic terminals and one budget domestic terminal. – Replace first comma with a colon.

History:

  • Wikilink Essendon Airport.
  • Melbourne Airport has been the recipient of received numerous awards.

Awards and accolades:

Route developments:

  • Perth—Kalgoorlie—Melbourne service – Use en dash here. See WP:ENDASH.
  • Wikilink Auckland.
  • The last paragraph uses future tense for October 2008. (There are several instances of this)

Airbus A380:

  • References needed for the first two sentences (at least).
  • The improvements included the construction of dual airbridges (Gates 9 and 11) with the ability to board both decks simultaneously to reduce turnaround times, the widening of the North—South runway and remote stands and taxiways by 15 metres (49 ft), the extension of the international terminal building by 20 metres (66 ft) to include new penthouse airline lounges, and the construction of an additional baggage carousel in the arrivals hall. – Long sentence.
  • North—South runway – Incorrect use of the em dash. See WP:EMDASH. By the way, "North-South" etc. are written several times with a hyphen. Pick either en dash or hyphen and be consistent.
  • Linfox's – Should be Linfox's. By the way, it might be a good idea to add a couple of words describing what "Linfox" is. Don't expect readers to know, based on trademarks or brand names, what item is being discussed.

Avalon Airport:

  • When Jetstar was established – "Jetstar Airlines" would be clearer.

Runways:

  • ...by the end of 2008. This system will be the first of its kind in Australia. – Future tense for 2008 again.

Traffic and statistics:

  • Table sorting gives weird results for the % Change columns.

Access:

  • This seems a rather long section considering that we're not Wikitravel. Just my opinion.

Public transport:

  • A daily return service from the states north – What does this mean?

Terminal 3:

  • Terminal 3 - Originally the Ansett Australia terminal is now owned by Melbourne Airport. – Hyphen used instead of a dash; capitalisation.
  • following the Tesna group's widthdrawl withdrawal of the purchase
  • ... under ownership of Tesna — however... – Em dash should be unspaced like in the following section, per WP:EMDASH.
  • as a result, Melbourne Airport undertook... – Sentence should start with a capital letter.

Terminal 4:

  • If approved, the development is expected to cost hundreds of millions of dollars – Remove hyperbole with a more neutral wording (several hundred million dollars?)

Accidents and incidents:

  • The hijacker, a passenger named David Robinson – Is the name of the person really necessary?
  • The incident began at 7:10 am when a female woman collapsed in the terminal building.
  • failed to become airborne – Awkward wording.

I hope some of this helps. Jafeluv (talk) 21:51, 30 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Jafeluv, I'm a bit busy tonight so I'll probably start fixing issues tomorrow. Aaroncrick(Tassie Boy talk) 06:51, 1 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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