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'''Dylan''' may refer to: |
'''Dylan''' may refer to: |
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{{TOC right}} |
{{TOC right}} |
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==Arts and entertainment== |
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* [[Bob Dylan]] (born 1941), American singer and songwriter |
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** [[Dylan (1973 album)|''Dylan'' (1973 album)]], a 1973 album by Bob Dylan |
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The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) |
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** [[Dylan (2007 album)|''Dylan'' (2007 album)]], a 2007 compilation album by Bob Dylan |
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* [[Dylan (musician)]], professional name of English singer-songwriter Natasha Woods |
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* [[Dylan (play)|''Dylan'' (play)]], a 1964 play by Sidney Michael about Dylan Thomas |
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The web's largest |
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movie script resource! |
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Search IMSDb |
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Alphabetical |
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# A B C D E F G H |
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I J K L M N O P Q |
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R S T U V W X Y Z |
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Genre |
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Action Adventure Animation |
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Comedy Crime Drama |
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Family Fantasy Film-Noir |
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Horror Musical Mystery |
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Romance Sci-Fi Short |
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Thriller War Western |
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Sponsor |
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TV Transcripts |
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Futurama |
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Seinfeld |
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South Park |
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Stargate SG-1 |
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Lost |
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The 4400 |
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International |
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French scripts |
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Latest Comments |
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ALL SCRIPTS |
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SHREK |
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Written by |
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William Steig & Ted Elliott |
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SHREK |
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Once upon a time there was a lovely |
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princess. But she had an enchantment |
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upon her of a fearful sort which could |
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only be broken by love's first kiss. |
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She was locked away in a castle guarded |
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by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. |
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Many brave knights had attempted to |
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free her from this dreadful prison, |
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but non prevailed. She waited in the |
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dragon's keep in the highest room of |
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the tallest tower for her true love |
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and true love's first kiss. (laughs) |
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Like that's ever gonna happen. What |
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a load of - (toilet flush) |
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Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his |
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day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go |
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after the ogre. |
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NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME |
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MAN1 |
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Think it's in there? |
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MAN2 |
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All right. Let's get it! |
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MAN1 |
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Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that |
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thing can do to you? |
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MAN3 |
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Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's |
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bread. |
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Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. |
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SHREK |
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Yes, well, actually, that would be a |
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giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. |
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They'll make a suit from your freshly |
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peeled skin. |
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MEN |
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No! |
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SHREK |
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They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the |
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jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's |
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quite good on toast. |
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MAN1 |
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Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! |
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(waves the torch at Shrek.) |
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Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The |
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men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long |
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and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the |
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men are in the dark. |
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SHREK |
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This is the part where you run away. |
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(The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) |
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And stay out! (looks down and picks |
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up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. |
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Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and |
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throws the paper over his shoulder.) |
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THE NEXT DAY |
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There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard |
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sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures |
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to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line |
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are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto |
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who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three |
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little pigs. |
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GUARD |
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All right. This one's full. Take it |
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away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Next! |
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GUARD |
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(taking the witch's broom) Give me that! |
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Your flying days are over. (breaks the |
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broom in half) |
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HEAD GUARD |
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That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. |
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Next! |
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GUARD |
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Get up! Come on! |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Twenty pieces. |
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LITTLE BEAR |
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(crying) This cage is too small. |
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DONKEY |
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Please, don't turn me in. I'll never |
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be stubborn again. I can change. Please! |
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Give me another chance! |
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OLD WOMAN |
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Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) |
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DONKEY |
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Oh! |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Next! What have you got? |
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GIPETTO |
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This little wooden puppet. |
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PINOCCHIO |
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I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his |
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nose grows) |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Five shillings for the possessed toy. |
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Take it away. |
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PINOCCHIO |
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Father, please! Don't let them do this! |
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Help me! |
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Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up |
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to the table. |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Next! What have you got? |
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OLD WOMAN |
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Well, I've got a talking donkey. |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, |
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if you can prove it. |
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OLD WOMAN |
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Oh, go ahead, little fella. |
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Donkey just looks up at her. |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Well? |
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OLD WOMAN |
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Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little |
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nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. |
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Talk, you boneheaded dolt... |
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HEAD GUARD |
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That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! |
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OLD WOMAN |
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No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends |
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to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to |
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talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing |
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you ever saw. |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Get her out of my sight. |
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OLD WOMAN |
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No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! |
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The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One |
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of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's |
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hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled |
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with fairy dust and he's able to fly. |
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DONKEY |
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Hey! I can fly! |
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PETER PAN |
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He can fly! |
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3 LITTLE PIGS |
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He can fly! |
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HEAD GUARD |
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He can talk! |
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DONKEY |
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Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm |
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a flying, talking donkey. You might |
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have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly |
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but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey |
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fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins |
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to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink |
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to the ground.) |
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He hits the ground with a thud. |
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HEAD GUARD |
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Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) |
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After him! |
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GUARDS |
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He's getting away! Get him! This way! |
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Turn! |
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Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. |
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Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared |
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for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He |
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quickly hides behind Shrek. |
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HEAD GUARD |
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You there. Ogre! |
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SHREK |
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Aye? |
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HEAD GUARD |
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By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized |
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to place you both under arrest and transport |
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you to a designated resettlement facility. |
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SHREK |
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Oh, really? You and what army? |
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He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well |
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and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail |
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and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and |
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begins walking back to his cottage. |
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DONKEY |
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Can I say something to you? Listen, |
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you was really, really, really somethin' |
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back here. Incredible! |
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SHREK |
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Are you talkin' to...(he turns around |
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and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back |
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around and Donkey is right in front |
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of him.) Whoa! |
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DONKEY |
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Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell |
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you that you that you was great back |
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here? Those guards! They thought they |
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was all of that. Then you showed up, |
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and bam! They was trippin' over themselves |
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like babes in the woods. That really |
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made me feel good to see that. |
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SHREK |
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Oh, that's great. Really. |
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DONKEY |
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Man, it's good to be free. |
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SHREK |
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Now, why don't you go celebrate your |
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freedom with your own friends? Hmm? |
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DONKEY |
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But, uh, I don't have any friends. And |
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I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, |
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wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll |
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stick with you. You're mean, green, |
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fightin' machine. Together we'll scare |
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the spit out of anybody that crosses |
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us. |
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Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very |
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loudly. |
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DONKEY |
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Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you |
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don't mind me sayin', if that don't |
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work, your breath certainly will get |
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the job done, 'cause you definitely |
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need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause |
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you breath stinks! You almost burned |
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the hair outta my nose, just like the |
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time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey |
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continues to talk, so Shrek removes |
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his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten |
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berries. I had strong gases leaking |
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out of my butt that day. |
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SHREK |
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Why are you following me? |
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DONKEY |
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I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause |
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I'm all alone, There's no one here beside |
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me, My problems have all gone, There's |
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no one to deride me, But you gotta have |
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faith... |
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SHREK |
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Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't |
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have any friends. |
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DONKEY |
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Wow. Only a true friend would be that |
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cruelly honest. |
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SHREK |
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Listen, little donkey. Take a look at |
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me. What am I? |
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DONKEY |
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(looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really |
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tall? |
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SHREK |
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No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your |
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torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that |
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bother you? |
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DONKEY |
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Nope. |
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SHREK |
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Really? |
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DONKEY |
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Really, really. |
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SHREK |
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Oh. |
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DONKEY |
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Man, I like you. What's you name? |
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SHREK |
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Uh, Shrek. |
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DONKEY |
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Shrek? Well, you know what I like about |
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you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me |
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thing. I like that. I respect that, |
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Shrek. You all right. (They come over |
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a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) |
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Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live |
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in place like that? |
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SHREK |
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That would be my home. |
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DONKEY |
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Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. |
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You know you are quite a decorator. |
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It's amazing what you've done with such |
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a modest budget. I like that boulder. |
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That is a nice boulder. I guess you |
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don't entertain much, do you? |
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SHREK |
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I like my privacy. |
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DONKEY |
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You know, I do too. That's another thing |
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we have in common. Like I hate it when |
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you got somebody in your face. You've |
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trying to give them a hint, and they |
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won't leave. There's that awkward silence. |
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(awkward silence) Can I stay with you? |
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SHREK |
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Uh, what? |
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DONKEY |
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Can I stay with you, please? |
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SHREK |
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(sarcastically) Of course! |
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DONKEY |
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Really? |
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SHREK |
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No. |
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DONKEY |
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Please! I don't wanna go back there! |
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You don't know what it's like to be |
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considered a freak. (pause while he |
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looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. |
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But that's why we gotta stick together. |
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You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! |
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SHREK |
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Okay! Okay! But one night only. |
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DONKEY |
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Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage) |
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SHREK |
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What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto |
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a chair.) No! No! |
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DONKEY |
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This is gonna be fun! We can stay up |
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late, swappin' manly stories, and in |
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the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. |
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SHREK |
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Oh! |
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DONKEY |
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Where do, uh, I sleep? |
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SHREK |
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(irritated) Outside! |
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DONKEY |
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Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, |
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I don't know you, and you don't know |
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me, so I guess outside is best, you |
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know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek |
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slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do |
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like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was |
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born outside. I'll just be sitting by |
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myself outside, I guess, you know. By |
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myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's |
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no one here beside me... |
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SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT |
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Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights |
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a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a |
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noise. He stands up with a huff. |
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SHREK |
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(to Donkey) I thought I told you to |
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stay outside. |
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DONKEY |
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(from the window) I am outside. |
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There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that |
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made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns |
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and spots 3 blind mice on his table. |
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BLIND MOUSE1 |
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Well, gents, it's a far cry from the |
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farm, but what choice do we have? |
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BLIND MOUSE2 |
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It's not home, but it'll do just fine. |
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GORDO |
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(bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed. |
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SHREK |
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Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes |
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and lands on his shoulder.) |
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GORDO |
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I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's |
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ear) |
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SHREK |
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Ow! |
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GORDO |
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Blah! Awful stuff. |
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BLIND MOUSE1 |
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Is that you, Gordo? |
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GORDO |
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How did you know? |
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SHREK |
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Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are |
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you doing in my house? (He gets bumped |
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from behind and he drops the mice.) |
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Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves |
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with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, |
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no, no. Dead broad off the table. |
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DWARF |
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Where are we supposed to put her? The |
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bed's taken. |
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SHREK |
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Huh? |
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Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. |
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The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at |
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him. |
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BIG BAD WOLF |
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What? |
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TIME LAPSE |
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Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging |
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him to the front door. |
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SHREK |
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I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm |
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a terrifying ogre! What do I have to |
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do get a little privacy? (He opens the |
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front door to throw the Wolf out and |
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he sees that all the collected Fairy |
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Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, |
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no. No! No! |
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The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his |
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pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing |
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flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc. |
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SHREK |
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What are you doing in my swamp? (this |
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echoes and everyone falls silent.) |
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Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a |
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tent. |
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SHREK |
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All right, get out of here. All of you, |
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move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! |
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Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more |
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dwarves run inside the house) No, no! |
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No, no. Not there. Not there. (they |
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shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to |
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look at Donkey) |
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DONKEY |
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Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite |
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them. |
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PINOCCHIO |
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Oh, gosh, no one invited us. |
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SHREK |
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What? |
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PINOCCHIO |
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We were forced to come here. |
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SHREK |
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(flabbergasted) By who? |
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LITTLE PIG |
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Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed |
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and he...signed an eviction notice. |
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SHREK |
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(heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where |
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this Farquaad guy is? |
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Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers. |
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DONKEY |
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Oh, I do. I know where he is. |
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SHREK |
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Does anyone else know where to find |
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him? Anyone at all? |
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DONKEY |
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Me! Me! |
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SHREK |
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Anyone? |
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DONKEY |
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Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! |
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Me, me! |
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SHREK |
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(sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy |
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tale things. Do not get comfortable. |
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Your welcome is officially worn out. |
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In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad |
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right now and get you all off my land |
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and back where you came from! (Pause. |
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Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) |
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You! You're comin' with me. |
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DONKEY |
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All right, that's what I like to hear, |
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man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart |
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friends, off on a whirlwind big-city |
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adventure. I love it! |
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DONKEY |
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(singing) On the road again. Sing it |
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with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get |
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on the road again. |
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SHREK |
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What did I say about singing? |
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DONKEY |
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Can I whistle? |
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SHREK |
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No. |
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DONKEY |
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Can I hum it? |
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SHREK |
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All right, hum it. |
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Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'. |
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DULOC - KITCHEN |
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A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually |
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dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. |
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FARQUAAD |
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That's enough. He's ready to talk. |
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The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down |
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onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the |
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table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes |
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up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. |
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FARQUAAD |
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(he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs |
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and plays with them) Run, run, run, |
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as fast as you can. You can't catch |
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me. I'm the gingerbread man. |
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GINGERBREAD MAN |
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You are a monster. |
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FARQUAAD |
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I'm not the monster here. You are. You |
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and the rest of that fairy tale trash, |
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poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell |
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me! Where are the others? |
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GINGERBREAD MAN |
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Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's |
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eye.) |
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FARQUAAD |
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I've tried to be fair to you creatures. |
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Now my patience has reached its end! |
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Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to |
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pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons) |
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GINGERBREAD MAN |
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No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop |
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buttons. |
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FARQUAAD |
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All right then. Who's hiding them? |
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GINGERBREAD MAN |
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Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the |
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muffin man? |
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FARQUAAD |
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The muffin man? |
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GINGERBREAD MAN |
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The muffin man. |
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FARQUAAD |
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Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives |
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on Drury Lane? |
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GINGERBREAD MAN |
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Well, she's married to the muffin man. |
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FARQUAAD |
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The muffin man? |
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GINGERBREAD MAN |
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The muffin man! |
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FARQUAAD |
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She's married to the muffin man. |
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The door opens and the Head Guard walks in. |
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HEAD GUARD |
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My lord! We found it. |
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FARQUAAD |
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Then what are you waiting for? Bring |
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it in. |
|||
More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. |
|||
They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic |
|||
Mirror. |
|||
GINGERBREAD MAN |
|||
(in awe) Ohhhh... |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Magic mirror... |
|||
GINGERBREAD MAN |
|||
Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks |
|||
him up and dumps him into a trash can |
|||
with a lid.) No! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. |
|||
Is this not the most perfect kingdom |
|||
of them all? |
|||
MIRROR |
|||
Well, technically you're not a king. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a |
|||
hand mirror and smashes it with his |
|||
fist.) You were saying? |
|||
MIRROR |
|||
What I mean is you're not a king yet. |
|||
But you can become one. All you have |
|||
to do is marry a princess. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Go on. |
|||
MIRROR |
|||
(chuckles nervously) So, just sit back |
|||
and relax, my lord, because it's time |
|||
for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. |
|||
And here they are! Bachelorette number |
|||
one is a mentally abused shut-in from |
|||
a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi |
|||
and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies |
|||
include cooking and cleaning for her |
|||
two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. |
|||
(shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette |
|||
number two is a cape-wearing girl from |
|||
the land of fancy. Although she lives |
|||
with seven other men, she's not easy. |
|||
Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and |
|||
find out what a live wire she is. Come |
|||
on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows |
|||
picture of Snow White) And last, but |
|||
certainly not last, bachelorette number |
|||
three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded |
|||
castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! |
|||
But don't let that cool you off. She's |
|||
a loaded pistol who likes pina colads |
|||
and getting caught in the rain. Yours |
|||
for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows |
|||
picture of Princess Fiona) So will it |
|||
be bachelorette number one, bachelorette |
|||
number two or bachelorette number three? |
|||
GUARDS |
|||
Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Three? One? Three? |
|||
THELONIUS |
|||
Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number |
|||
three, my lord! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Okay, okay, uh, number three! |
|||
MIRROR |
|||
Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess |
|||
Fiona. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I |
|||
have to do is just find someone who |
|||
can go... |
|||
MIRROR |
|||
But I probably should mention the little |
|||
thing that happens at night. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
I'll do it. |
|||
MIRROR |
|||
Yes, but after sunset... |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona |
|||
my queen, and DuLoc will finally have |
|||
the perfect king! Captain, assemble |
|||
your finest men. We're going to have |
|||
a tournament. (smiles evilly) |
|||
DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section |
|||
Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking |
|||
lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
But that's it. That's it right there. |
|||
That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Uh-huh. That's the place. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Do you think maybe he's compensating |
|||
for something? (He laughs, but then |
|||
groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. |
|||
He continues walking through the parking |
|||
lot.) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. |
|||
MAN |
|||
Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing |
|||
a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, |
|||
screams and begins running through the |
|||
rows of rope to get to the front gate |
|||
to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. |
|||
Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just |
|||
- - I just - - (He sighs and then begins |
|||
walking straight through the rows. The |
|||
attendant runs into a wall and falls |
|||
down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then |
|||
continue on into DuLoc.) |
|||
DULOC |
|||
They look around but all is quiet. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, look at this! |
|||
Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box |
|||
marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors |
|||
open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin |
|||
to sing. |
|||
WOODEN PEOPLE |
|||
Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town |
|||
Here we have some rules |
|||
Let us lay them down |
|||
Don't make waves, stay in line |
|||
And we'll get along fine |
|||
DuLoc is perfect place |
|||
Please keep off of the grass |
|||
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face |
|||
DuLoc is, DuLoc is |
|||
DuLoc is perfect place. |
|||
Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready |
|||
to run over and pull the lever again) |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) |
|||
No. No. No, no, no! No. |
|||
They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Brave knights. You are the best and |
|||
brightest in all the land. Today one |
|||
of you shall prove himself... |
|||
As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena |
|||
Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
All right. You're going the right way |
|||
for a smacked bottom. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Sorry about that. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
That champion shall have the honor - |
|||
- no, no - - the privilege to go forth |
|||
and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona |
|||
from the fiery keep of the dragon. If |
|||
for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, |
|||
the first runner-up will take his place |
|||
and so on and so forth. Some of you |
|||
may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing |
|||
to make. (cheers) Let the tournament |
|||
begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is |
|||
that? It's hideous! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(turns to look at Donkey and then back |
|||
at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. |
|||
It's just a donkey. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who |
|||
kills the ogre will be named champion! |
|||
Have it him! |
|||
MEN |
|||
Get him! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps |
|||
into a table where there are mugs of |
|||
beer) |
|||
CROWD |
|||
Go ahead! Get him! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just |
|||
settle this over a pint? |
|||
CROWD |
|||
Kill the beast! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No? All right then. (drinks the beer) |
|||
Come on! |
|||
He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel |
|||
of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the |
|||
other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides |
|||
past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. |
|||
As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger |
|||
beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. |
|||
Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much |
|||
fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice |
|||
to say that Shrek kicks butt. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! |
|||
Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek |
|||
gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah! |
|||
A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time |
|||
and sees him. |
|||
WOMAN |
|||
The chair! Give him the chair! |
|||
Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men |
|||
are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding |
|||
sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you |
|||
very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try |
|||
the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs) |
|||
The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on |
|||
Shrek. |
|||
HEAD GUARD |
|||
Shall I give the order, sir? |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
No, I have a better idea. People of |
|||
DuLoc, I give you our champion! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What? |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Congratulations, ogre. You're won the |
|||
honor of embarking on a great and noble |
|||
quest. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest |
|||
to get my swamp back. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Your swamp? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those |
|||
fairy tale creatures! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you |
|||
a deal. Go on this quest for me, and |
|||
I'll give you your swamp back. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Exactly the way it was? |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
And the squatters? |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
As good as gone. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What kind of quest? |
|||
Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field |
|||
heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Let me get this straight. You're gonna |
|||
go fight a dragon and rescue a princess |
|||
just so Farquaad will give you back |
|||
a swamp which you only don't have because |
|||
he filled it full of freaks in the first |
|||
place. Is that about right? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You know, maybe there's a good reason |
|||
donkeys shouldn't talk. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I don't get it. Why don't you just pull |
|||
some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle |
|||
him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds |
|||
his bones to make your bread, the whole |
|||
ogre trip. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have |
|||
decapitated an entire village and put |
|||
their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, |
|||
cut open their spleen and drink their |
|||
fluids. Does that sound good to you? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Uh, no, not really, no. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
For your information, there's a lot |
|||
more to ogres than people think. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Example? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. |
|||
(he holds out his onion) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(sniffs the onion) They stink? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yes - - No! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
They make you cry? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You leave them in the sun, they get |
|||
all brown, start sproutin' little white |
|||
hairs. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres |
|||
have layers! Onions have layers. You |
|||
get it? We both have layers. (he heaves |
|||
a sigh and then walks off) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both |
|||
have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, |
|||
not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody |
|||
loves cakes! Cakes have layers. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I don't care... what everyone likes. |
|||
Ogres are not like cakes. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You know what else everybody likes? |
|||
Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, |
|||
you say, "Let's get some parfait," they |
|||
say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? |
|||
Parfaits are delicious. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No! You dense, irritating, miniature |
|||
beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! |
|||
And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Parfaits may be the most delicious thing |
|||
on the whole damn planet. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You know, I think I preferred your humming. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Do you have a tissue or something? I'm |
|||
making a mess. Just the word parfait |
|||
make me start slobbering. |
|||
They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through |
|||
a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying |
|||
to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem, |
|||
so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out. |
|||
DRAGON'S KEEP |
|||
Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to |
|||
house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? |
|||
You gotta warn somebody before you just |
|||
crack one off. My mouth was open and |
|||
everything. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd |
|||
be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We |
|||
must be getting close. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking |
|||
about it's the brimstone. I know what |
|||
I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It |
|||
didn't come off no stone neither. |
|||
They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There |
|||
is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where |
|||
the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very |
|||
foreboding. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Sure, it's big enough, but look at the |
|||
location. (laughs...then the laugh turns |
|||
into a groan) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said |
|||
ogres have layers? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, aye. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Well, I have a bit of a confession to |
|||
make. Donkeys don't have layers. We |
|||
wear our fear right out there on our |
|||
sleeves. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You know what I mean. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
No, I'm just a little uncomfortable |
|||
about being on a rickety bridge over |
|||
a boiling like of lava! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside |
|||
ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll |
|||
just tackle this thing together one |
|||
little baby step at a time. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Really? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Really, really. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Okay, that makes me feel so much better. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Just keep moving. And don't look down. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. |
|||
Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't |
|||
look down. (he steps through a rotting |
|||
board and ends up looking straight down |
|||
into the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down! |
|||
Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me |
|||
off, please! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
But you're already halfway. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
But I know that half is safe! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. |
|||
You go back. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek, no! Wait! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance |
|||
then, shall me? (bounces and sways the |
|||
bridge) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Don't do that! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces |
|||
the bridge again) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Yes, that! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to |
|||
bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across |
|||
the bridge) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
No, Shrek! No! Stop it! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You said do it! I'm doin' it. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, |
|||
I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground) |
|||
Oh! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks |
|||
towards the castle) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Cool. So where is this fire-breathing |
|||
pain-in-the-neck anyway? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. |
|||
(chuckles) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. |
|||
INSIDE THE CASTLE |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You afraid? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
But... |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Shh. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton |
|||
and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong |
|||
with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible |
|||
response to an unfamiliar situation. |
|||
Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might |
|||
add. With a dragon that breathes fire |
|||
and eats knights and breathes fire, |
|||
it sure doesn't mean you're a coward |
|||
if you're a little scared. I sure as |
|||
heck ain't no coward. I know that. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. |
|||
Now go over there and see if you can |
|||
find any stairs. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for |
|||
the princess. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(putting on a helmet) The princess will |
|||
be up the stairs in the highest room |
|||
in the tallest tower. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What makes you think she'll be there? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I read it in a book once. (walks off) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle |
|||
the stairs. I'll find those stairs. |
|||
I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs |
|||
won't know which way they're goin'. |
|||
(walks off) |
|||
EMPTY ROOM |
|||
Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it |
|||
to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm |
|||
the stair master. I've mastered the |
|||
stairs. I wish I had a step right here. |
|||
I'd step all over it. |
|||
ELSEWHERE |
|||
Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Well, at least we know where the princess |
|||
is, but where's the... |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(os) Dragon! |
|||
Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again. |
|||
Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon |
|||
breathes fire. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Donkey, look out! (he manages to get |
|||
a hold of the dragons tail and holds |
|||
on) Got ya! |
|||
The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Shrek |
|||
goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the |
|||
tallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying |
|||
on the floor. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh! Aah! Aah! |
|||
Donkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small |
|||
part of the bridge he's on. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
No. Oh, no, No! (the dragon roars) Oh, |
|||
what large teeth you have. (the dragon |
|||
growls) I mean white, sparkling teeth. |
|||
I know you probably hear this all time |
|||
from your food, but you must bleach, |
|||
'cause that is one dazzling smile you |
|||
got there. Do I detect a hint of minty |
|||
freshness? And you know what else? You're |
|||
- - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! |
|||
I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. |
|||
You're just reeking of feminine beauty. |
|||
(the dragon begins fluttering her eyes |
|||
at him) What's the matter with you? |
|||
You got something in your eye? Ohh. |
|||
Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, |
|||
but you know, I'm, uh...(the dragon |
|||
blows a smoke ring in the shape of a |
|||
heart right at him, and he coughs) I'm |
|||
an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd |
|||
work out if you're gonna blow smoke |
|||
rings. Shrek! (the dragon picks him |
|||
up with her teeth and carries him off) |
|||
No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! |
|||
FIONA'S ROOM |
|||
Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona |
|||
so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She |
|||
then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off |
|||
the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. |
|||
Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for |
|||
a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders |
|||
and shakes her away. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Oh! Oh! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Wake up! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
What? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Are you Princess Fiona? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to |
|||
rescue me. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our |
|||
first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, |
|||
romantic moment? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should |
|||
sweep me off my feet out yonder window |
|||
and down a rope onto your valiant steed. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You've had a lot of time to plan this, |
|||
haven't you? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(smiles) Mm-hmm. |
|||
Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down |
|||
the hallway. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
But we have to savor this moment! You |
|||
could recite an epic poem for me. A |
|||
ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I don't think so. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Can I at least know the name of my champion? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Uh, Shrek. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Sir Shrek. (clears throat and holds |
|||
out a handkerchief) I pray that you |
|||
take this favor as a token of my gratitude. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Thanks! |
|||
Suddenly they hear the dragon roar. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(surprised)You didn't slay the dragon? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
It's on my to-do list. Now come on! |
|||
(takes off running and drags Fiona behind |
|||
him.) |
|||
FIONA |
|||
But this isn't right! You were meant |
|||
to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. |
|||
That's what all the other knights did. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah, right before they burst into flame. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
That's not the point. (Shrek suddenly |
|||
stops and she runs into him.) Oh! (Shrek |
|||
ignores her and heads for a wooden door |
|||
off to the side.) Wait. Where are you |
|||
going? The exit's over there. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Well, I have to save my ass. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
What kind of knight are you? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
One of a kind. (opens the door into |
|||
the throne room) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. |
|||
I believe it's healthy to get to know |
|||
someone over a long period of time. |
|||
Just call me old-fashioned. (laughs |
|||
worriedly) (we see him up close and |
|||
from a distance as Shrek sneaks into |
|||
the room) I don't want to rush into |
|||
a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally |
|||
ready for a commitment of, uh, this |
|||
- - Magnitude really is the word I'm |
|||
looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that |
|||
is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what |
|||
are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just |
|||
back up a little and take this one step |
|||
at a time. We really should get to know |
|||
each other first as friends or pen pals. |
|||
I'm on the road a lot, but I just love |
|||
receiving cards - - I'd really love |
|||
to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's |
|||
my tail! That's my personal tail. You're |
|||
gonna tear it off. I don't give permission |
|||
- - What are you gonna do with that? |
|||
Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. |
|||
No, no, no. No! Oh! |
|||
Shrek grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings |
|||
toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks |
|||
up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head. |
|||
He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps |
|||
Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him. |
|||
Instead the dragon kisses Shreks' butt. She opens her eyes and |
|||
roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto |
|||
her head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms |
|||
a sort of collar for her. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey |
|||
take off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Shrek grabs Donkey and |
|||
then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hi, Princess! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
It talks! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's |
|||
the trick. |
|||
They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots |
|||
a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a |
|||
crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His |
|||
eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles |
|||
off and walks lightly. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh! |
|||
Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll |
|||
take care of the dragon. |
|||
Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the |
|||
castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping |
|||
chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that |
|||
is still around the dragons neck. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(echoing) Run! |
|||
They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot |
|||
pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons |
|||
breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on |
|||
for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They |
|||
are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look |
|||
in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to |
|||
get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the |
|||
dragon back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs |
|||
quickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a |
|||
sad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You |
|||
did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. |
|||
(behind her Donkey falls down the hill) |
|||
You're - - You're wonderful. You're... |
|||
(turns and sees Shrek fall down the |
|||
hill and bump into Donkey) a little |
|||
unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed |
|||
is great, and thy heart is pure. I am |
|||
eternally in your debt. (Donkey clears |
|||
his throat.) And where would a brave |
|||
knight be without his noble steed? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I hope you heard that. She called me |
|||
a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
The battle is won. You may remove your |
|||
helmet, good Sir Knight. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Uh, no. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Why not? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I have helmet hair. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Please. I would'st look upon the face |
|||
of my rescuer. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
But how will you kiss me? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What? (to Donkey) That wasn't in the |
|||
job description. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Maybe it's a perk. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know |
|||
how it goes. A princess locked in a |
|||
tower and beset by a dragon is rescued |
|||
by a brave knight, and then they share |
|||
true love's first kiss. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. |
|||
Wait. You think that Shrek is you true |
|||
love? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Well, yes. |
|||
Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You think Shrek is your true love! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
What is so funny? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona: |
|||
Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. |
|||
Now - - Now remove your helmet. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Look. I really don't think this is a |
|||
good idea. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Just take off the helmet. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I'm not going to. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Take it off. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Now! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. |
|||
(takes off his helmet) |
|||
FIONA |
|||
You- - You're a- - an ogre. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is |
|||
all wrong. You're not supposed to be |
|||
an ogre. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Princess, I was sent to rescue you by |
|||
Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who |
|||
wants to marry you. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Then why didn't he come rescue me? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Good question. You should ask him that |
|||
when we get there. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
But I have to be rescued by my true |
|||
love, not by some ogre and his- - his |
|||
pet. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Well, so much for noble steed. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You're not making my job any easier. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. |
|||
You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he |
|||
wants to rescue me properly, I'll be |
|||
waiting for him right here. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all |
|||
right? (ominous) I'm a delivery boy. |
|||
(he swiftly picks her up and swings |
|||
her over his shoulder like she was a |
|||
sack of potatoes) |
|||
FIONA |
|||
You wouldn't dare. Put me down! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Ya comin', Donkey? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I'm right behind ya. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Put me down, or you will suffer the |
|||
consequences! This is not dignified! |
|||
Put me down! |
|||
WOODS |
|||
A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just |
|||
hangs there limply while Shrek carries her. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Okay, so here's another question. Say |
|||
there's a woman that digs you, right, |
|||
but you don't really like her that way. |
|||
How do you let her down real easy so |
|||
her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't |
|||
get burned to a crisp and eaten? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
You just tell her she's not your true |
|||
love. Everyone knows what happens when |
|||
you find your...(Shrek drops her on |
|||
the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to |
|||
DuLoc the better. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You're gonna love it there, Princess. |
|||
It's beautiful! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? |
|||
What's he like? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Let me put it this way, Princess. Men |
|||
of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. |
|||
(he and Donkey laugh) |
|||
Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off |
|||
the dust and grime. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I don't know. There are those who think |
|||
little of him. (they laugh again) Fiona: |
|||
Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're |
|||
just jealous you can never measure up |
|||
to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. |
|||
But I'll let you do the "measuring" |
|||
when you see him tomorrow. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow? |
|||
It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop |
|||
to make camp? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No, that'll take longer. We can keep |
|||
going. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
But there's robbers in the woods. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting |
|||
to sound good. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything |
|||
we're going to see in this forest. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I need to find somewhere to camp now! |
|||
Both Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from her. |
|||
MOUNTAIN CLIFF |
|||
Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves |
|||
a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Hey! Over here. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek, we can do better than that. I |
|||
don't think this is fit for a princess. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No, no, it's perfect. It just needs |
|||
a few homey touches. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Homey touches? Like what? (he hears |
|||
a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona |
|||
who has torn the bark off of a tree.) |
|||
FIONA |
|||
A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee |
|||
good night. (goes into the cave and |
|||
puts the bark door up behind her) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You want me to read you a bedtime story? |
|||
I will. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(os) I said good night! |
|||
Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the |
|||
boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona |
|||
still inside. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek, What are you doing? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(laughs) I just- - You know - - Oh, |
|||
come on. I was just kidding. |
|||
LATER THAT NIGHT |
|||
Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring |
|||
up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations |
|||
to Donkey. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, |
|||
the only ogre to ever spit over three |
|||
wheat fields. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future |
|||
from these stars? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. |
|||
They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, |
|||
the Flatulent. You can guess what he's |
|||
famous for. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I know you're making this up. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No, look. There he is, and there's the |
|||
group of hunters running away from his |
|||
stench. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little |
|||
dots. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You know, Donkey, sometimes things are |
|||
more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(heaves a big sigh) Hey, Shrek, what |
|||
we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Our swamp? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You know, when we're through rescuing |
|||
the princess. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's |
|||
no "our". There's just me and my swamp. |
|||
The first thing I'm gonna do is build |
|||
a ten-foot wall around my land. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real |
|||
deep just now. You know what I think? |
|||
I think this whole wall thing is just |
|||
a way to keep somebody out. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No, do ya think? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Are you hidin' something? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Never mind, Donkey. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh, this is another one of those onion |
|||
things, isn't it? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No, this is one of those drop-it and |
|||
leave-it alone things. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Why don't you want to talk about it? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Why do you want to talk about it? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Why are you blocking? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I'm not blocking. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh, yes, you are. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Donkey, I'm warning you. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Who you trying to keep out? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Everyone! Okay? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. |
|||
(grins) |
|||
At this point Fiona pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to |
|||
the cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and |
|||
walks over to the edge of the cliff |
|||
and sits down) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What's your problem? What you got against |
|||
the whole world anyway? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Look, I'm not the one with the problem, |
|||
okay? It's the world that seems to have |
|||
a problem with me. People take one look |
|||
at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, |
|||
stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before |
|||
they even know me. That's why I'm better |
|||
off alone. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You know what? When we met, I didn't |
|||
think you was just a big, stupid, ugly |
|||
ogre. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah, I know. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small |
|||
and Annoying. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny |
|||
one, right there. That one there? |
|||
Fiona puts the door back. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
That's the moon. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh, okay. |
|||
DuLoc - Farquaad's Bedroom |
|||
The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays |
|||
in the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic |
|||
Mirror shows him Princess Fiona. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, |
|||
show her to me. Show me the princess. |
|||
MIRROR |
|||
Hmph. |
|||
The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Ah. Perfect. |
|||
Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up |
|||
to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly |
|||
at her image in the mirror. |
|||
MORNING |
|||
Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey |
|||
who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes |
|||
across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along |
|||
with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles |
|||
to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too |
|||
big and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but |
|||
she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona |
|||
is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still |
|||
sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey's talking |
|||
in his sleep. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like |
|||
it like that. Come on, baby. I said |
|||
I like it. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Donkey, wake up. (shakes him) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Huh? What? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Wake up. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What? (stretches and yawns) |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Good morning. Hm, how do you like your |
|||
eggs? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh, good morning, Princess! |
|||
Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What's all this about? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
You know, we kind of got off to a bad |
|||
start yesterday. I wanted to make it |
|||
up to you. I mean, after all, you did |
|||
rescue me. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Uh, thanks. |
|||
Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead |
|||
of us. (walks off) |
|||
LATER |
|||
They are once again on their way. They are walking through the |
|||
forest. Shrek belches. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What? It's a compliment. Better out |
|||
than in, I always say. (laughs) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Well, it's no way to behave in front |
|||
of a princess. |
|||
Fiona belches |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Thanks. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
She's as nasty as you are. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(chuckles) You know, you're not exactly |
|||
what I expected. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people |
|||
before you get to know them. |
|||
She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly |
|||
from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into |
|||
a tree. |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
La liberte! Hey! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Princess! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(to Robin Hood) What are you doing? |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! |
|||
And I am rescuing you from this green...(kisses |
|||
up her arm while Fiona pulls back in |
|||
disgust)...beast. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Hey! That's my princess! Go find you |
|||
own! |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a |
|||
little busy here? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't |
|||
know who you think you are! |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please |
|||
let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. |
|||
(laughs) |
|||
Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out |
|||
from the bushes. They begin to sing Robin's theme song. |
|||
MERRY MEN |
|||
Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
I steal from the rich and give to the |
|||
needy. |
|||
MERRY MEN |
|||
He takes a wee percentage, |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty |
|||
damsels, man, I'm good. |
|||
MERRY MEN |
|||
What a guy, Monsieur Hood. |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
Break it down. I like an honest fight |
|||
and a saucy little maid... |
|||
MERRY MEN |
|||
What he's basically saying is he likes |
|||
to get... |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
Paid. So...When an ogre in the bush |
|||
grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad. |
|||
MERRY MEN |
|||
That's bad. |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
When a beauty's with a beast it makes |
|||
me awfully mad. |
|||
MERRY MEN |
|||
He's mad, he's really, really mad. |
|||
ROBIN HOOD |
|||
I'll take my blade and ram it through |
|||
your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys |
|||
'cause I'm about to start... |
|||
There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and |
|||
knocks Robin Hood unconscious. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Man, that was annoying! |
|||
Shrek looks at her in admiration. |
|||
MERRY MAN |
|||
Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at |
|||
Fiona but she ducks out of the way) |
|||
The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to |
|||
get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree. |
|||
Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and |
|||
then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is |
|||
a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in |
|||
mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down, |
|||
and Fiona begins walking away. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Uh, shall we? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins |
|||
walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa, |
|||
whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come |
|||
from? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
What? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
That! Back there. That was amazing! |
|||
Where did you learn that? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Well...(laughs) when one lives alone, |
|||
uh, one has to learn these things in |
|||
case there's a...(gasps and points) |
|||
there's an arrow in your butt! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you |
|||
look at that? (he goes to pull it out |
|||
but flinches because it's tender) |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so |
|||
sorry. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(walking up) Why? What's wrong? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Shrek's hurt. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, |
|||
Shrek's gonna die. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Donkey, I'm okay. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm |
|||
too young for you to die. Keep you legs |
|||
elevated. Turn your head and cough. |
|||
Does anyone know the Heimlich? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help |
|||
Shrek, run into the woods and find me |
|||
a blue flower with red thorns. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on |
|||
it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die |
|||
Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay |
|||
away from the light! |
|||
SHREK & FIONA |
|||
Donkey! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. |
|||
(runs off) |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What are the flowers for? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(like it's obvious) For getting rid |
|||
of Donkey. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Ah. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Now you hold still, and I'll yank this |
|||
thing out. (gives the arrow a little |
|||
pull) |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the |
|||
yankin'. |
|||
As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and |
|||
Shrek keeps dodging her hands. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I'm sorry, but it has to come out. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No, it's tender. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Now, hold on. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What you're doing is the opposite of |
|||
help. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Don't move. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Look, time out. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Would you...(grunts as Shrek puts his |
|||
hand over her face to stop her from |
|||
getting at the arrow) Okay. What do |
|||
you propose we do? |
|||
ELSEWHERE |
|||
Donkey is still looking for the special flower. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, |
|||
red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. |
|||
This would be so much easier if I wasn't |
|||
color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(os) Ow! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! (rips a |
|||
flower off a nearby bush that just happens |
|||
to be a blue flower with red thorns) |
|||
THE FOREST PATH |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Ow! Not good. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. |
|||
(Shrek grunts as she pulls) It's just |
|||
about... |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Ow! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall |
|||
over with Fiona on top of him) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Ahem. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(throwing Fiona off of him) Nothing |
|||
happend. We were just, uh - - |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Look, if you wanted to be alone, all |
|||
you had to do was ask. Okay? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, come on! That's the last thing on |
|||
my mind. The princess here was just- |
|||
- (Fiona pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (he |
|||
turns to look at Fiona who holds up |
|||
the arrow with a smile) Ow! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, what's that? (nervous chuckle) |
|||
That's...is that blood? |
|||
Donkey faints. Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue |
|||
on their way. |
|||
There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc. |
|||
Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a |
|||
small brook so that Fiona won't get wet. Shrek then gets up as |
|||
Donkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back |
|||
into it's upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek swatting |
|||
and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb |
|||
that's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it |
|||
around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek who begins |
|||
eating like it's a treat. As he walks off she licks her fingers. |
|||
Shrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting |
|||
it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning |
|||
it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group |
|||
arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc. |
|||
WINDMILL |
|||
SHREK |
|||
There it is, Princess. Your future awaits |
|||
you. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
That's DuLoc? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks |
|||
Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, |
|||
which I think means he has a really...(Shrek |
|||
steps on his hoof) Ow! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move |
|||
on. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried |
|||
about Donkey. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I mean, look at him. He doesn't look |
|||
so good. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What are you talking about? I'm fine. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(kneels to look him in the eyes) That's |
|||
what they always say, and then next |
|||
thing you know, you're on your back. |
|||
(pause) Dead. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You know, she's right. You look awful. |
|||
Do you want to sit down? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I didn't want to say nothin', but I |
|||
got this twinge in my neck, and when |
|||
I turn my head like this, look, (turns |
|||
his neck in a very sharp way until his |
|||
head is completely sideways) Ow! See? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I'll get the firewood. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't |
|||
feel my toes! (looks down and yelps) |
|||
I don't have any toes! I think I need |
|||
a hug. |
|||
SUNSET |
|||
Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while |
|||
Fiona eats. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Mmm. This is good. This is really good. |
|||
What is this? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No kidding. Well, this is delicious. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Well, they're also great in stews. Now, |
|||
I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean |
|||
weed rat stew. (chuckles) |
|||
Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I guess I'll be dining a little differently |
|||
tomorrow night. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp |
|||
sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff |
|||
for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare |
|||
- - you name it. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(smiles) I'd like that. |
|||
They smiles at each other. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Um, Princess? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Yes, Shrek? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs) |
|||
Are you gonna eat that? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic? |
|||
Just look at that sunset. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's |
|||
late. I-It's very late. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on |
|||
here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't |
|||
you? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. |
|||
You know, I'd better go inside. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to |
|||
be afraid of the dark, too, until - |
|||
- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of |
|||
the dark. |
|||
Shrek sighs |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Good night. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Good night. |
|||
Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks |
|||
at Shrek with a new eye. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on |
|||
here. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, what are you talkin' about? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm |
|||
an animal, and I got instincts. And |
|||
I know you two were diggin' on each |
|||
other. I could feel it. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You're crazy. I'm just bringing her |
|||
back to Farquaad. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell |
|||
the pheromones. Just go on in and tell |
|||
her how you feel. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, |
|||
even if I did tell her that, well, you |
|||
know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause |
|||
I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm |
|||
- - |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
An ogre? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah. An ogre. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, where you goin'? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
To get... move firewood. (sighs) |
|||
Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already |
|||
is. |
|||
TIME LAPSE |
|||
Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is |
|||
nowhere to be seen. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, |
|||
where are you? Princess? |
|||
Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing |
|||
no games. |
|||
Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't |
|||
look like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking |
|||
out. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Aah! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Oh, no! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
No, help! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Shh! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No, it's okay. It's okay. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What did you do with the princess? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Donkey, I'm the princess. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Aah! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
It's me, in this body. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to |
|||
her stomach) Can you hear me? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Donkey! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(still aimed at her stomach) Listen, |
|||
keep breathing! I'll get you out of |
|||
there! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Shh. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
This is me. |
|||
Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets |
|||
down. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Princess? What happened to you? You're, |
|||
uh, uh, uh, different. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I'm ugly, okay? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? |
|||
'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a |
|||
bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. |
|||
Now - - |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No. I - - I've been this way as long |
|||
as I can remember. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What do you mean? Look, I ain't never |
|||
seen you like this before. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
It only happens when sun goes down. |
|||
"By night one way, by day another. This |
|||
shall be the norm... until you find |
|||
true love's first kiss... and then take |
|||
love's true form." |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know |
|||
you wrote poetry. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little |
|||
girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every |
|||
night I become this. This horrible, |
|||
ugly beast! I was placed in a tower |
|||
to await the day my true love would |
|||
rescue me. That's why I have to marry |
|||
Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun |
|||
sets and he sees me like this. (begins |
|||
to cry) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
All right, all right. Calm down. Look, |
|||
it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. |
|||
Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. |
|||
But you only look like this at night. |
|||
Shrek's ugly 24-7. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this |
|||
is not how a princess is meant to look. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry |
|||
Farquaad? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I have to. Only my true love's kiss |
|||
can break the spell. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
But, you know, um, you're kind of an |
|||
orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a |
|||
lot in common. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Shrek? |
|||
OUTSIDE |
|||
Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his |
|||
hand. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(to himself) Princess, I - - Uh, how's |
|||
it going, first of all? Good? Um, good |
|||
for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower |
|||
and thought of you because it's pretty |
|||
and - - well, I don't really like it, |
|||
but I thought you might like it 'cause |
|||
you're pretty. But I like you anyway. |
|||
I'd - - uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble. |
|||
Okay, here we go. |
|||
He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey |
|||
and Fiona talking. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(os) I can't just marry whoever I want. |
|||
Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, |
|||
really, who can ever love a beast so |
|||
hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" |
|||
don't go together. That's why I can't |
|||
stay here with Shrek. |
|||
Shrek steps back in shock. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(os) My only chance to live happily |
|||
ever after is to marry my true love. |
|||
Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks |
|||
away. |
|||
INSIDE |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how |
|||
it has to be. It's the only way to break |
|||
the spell. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No! You can't breathe a word. No one |
|||
must ever know. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What's the point of being able to talk |
|||
if you gotta keep secrets? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Promise you won't tell. Promise! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
All right, all right. I won't tell him. |
|||
But you should. (goes outside) I just |
|||
know before this is over, I'm gonna |
|||
need a whole lot of serious therapy. |
|||
Look at my eye twitchin'. |
|||
Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks |
|||
down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back |
|||
inside the windmill. |
|||
MORNING |
|||
Donkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still |
|||
awake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, |
|||
I tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly |
|||
runs to the door and goes outside) Shrek! |
|||
Shrek, there's something I want...(she |
|||
looks and sees the rising sun, and as |
|||
the sun crests the sky she turns back |
|||
into a human.) |
|||
Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards |
|||
her. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Shrek. Are you all right? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Perfect! Never been better. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I - - I don't - - There's something |
|||
I have to tell you. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
You don't have to tell me anything, |
|||
Princess. I heard enough last night. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
You heard what I said? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Every word. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
I thought you'd understand. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who |
|||
could love a hideous, ugly beast?" |
|||
FIONA |
|||
But I thought that wouldn't matter to |
|||
you. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah? Well, it does. (Fiona looks at |
|||
him in shock. He looks past her and |
|||
spots a group approaching.) Ah, right |
|||
on time. Princess, I've brought you |
|||
a little something. |
|||
Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal |
|||
sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only |
|||
like 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers |
|||
march by. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots |
|||
the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that? |
|||
Couldn't have been the donkey. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Princess Fiona. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
As promised. Now hand it over. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Very well, ogre. (holds out a piece |
|||
of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared |
|||
out, as agreed. Take it and go before |
|||
I change my mind. (Shrek takes the paper) |
|||
Forgive me, Princess, for startling |
|||
you, but you startled me, for I have |
|||
never seen such a radiant beauty before. |
|||
I'm Lord Farquaad. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad |
|||
snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord, |
|||
for I was just saying a short... (Watches |
|||
as Farquaad is lifted off his horse |
|||
and set down in front of her. He comes |
|||
to her waist.) farewell. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have |
|||
to waste good manners on the ogre. It's |
|||
not like it has feelings. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No, you're right. It doesn't. |
|||
Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless |
|||
Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. |
|||
Will you be the perfect bride for the |
|||
perfect groom? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would |
|||
make - - |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
(interrupting) Excellent! I'll start |
|||
the plans, for tomorrow we wed! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get |
|||
married today before the sun sets. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. |
|||
The sooner, the better. There's so much |
|||
to do! There's the caterer, the cake, |
|||
the band, the guest list. Captain, round |
|||
up some guests! (a guard puts Fiona |
|||
on the back of his horse) |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Fare-thee-well, ogre. |
|||
Farquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches |
|||
them go. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting |
|||
her get away. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah? So what? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek, there's something about her you |
|||
don't know. Look, I talked to her last |
|||
night, She's - - |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I know you talked to her last night. |
|||
You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if |
|||
you two are such good friends, why don't |
|||
you follow her home? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I told you, didn't I? You're not coming |
|||
home with me. I live alone! My swamp! |
|||
Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! |
|||
Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, |
|||
talking donkeys! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
But I thought - - |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! |
|||
(stomps off) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Shrek. |
|||
Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona |
|||
being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running |
|||
into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner |
|||
alone. Shrek eating dinner alone. |
|||
SHREK'S HOME |
|||
Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes |
|||
outside to investigate. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Donkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues |
|||
with what he's doing.) What are you |
|||
doing? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I would think, of all people, you would |
|||
recognize a wall when you see one. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed |
|||
to go around my swamp, not through it. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
It is around your half. See that's your |
|||
half, and this is my half. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh! Your half. Hmm. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. |
|||
I did half the work. I get half the |
|||
booty. Now hand me that big old rock, |
|||
the one that looks like your head. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Back off! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
No, you back off. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
This is my swamp! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Our swamp. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(grabs the tree branch Donkey is working |
|||
with) Let go, Donkey! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You let go. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Stubborn jackass! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Smelly ogre. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks |
|||
away) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through |
|||
with you yet. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Well, I'm through with you. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, |
|||
"Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now |
|||
it's my turn! So you just shut up and |
|||
pay attention! You are mean to me. You |
|||
insult me and you don't appreciate anything |
|||
that I do! You're always pushing me |
|||
around or pushing me away. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so |
|||
bad, how come you came back? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Because that's what friends do! They |
|||
forgive each other! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive |
|||
you... for stabbin' me in the back! |
|||
(goes into the outhouse and slams the |
|||
door) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, |
|||
onion boy, you're afraid of your own |
|||
feelings. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(os) Go away! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
There you are , doing it again just |
|||
like you did to Fiona. All she ever |
|||
do was like you, maybe even love you. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a |
|||
hideous creature. I heard the two of |
|||
you talking. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
She wasn't talkin' about you. She was |
|||
talkin' about, uh, somebody else. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(opens the door and comes out) She wasn't |
|||
talking about me? Well, then who was |
|||
she talking about? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. |
|||
You don't wanna listen to me. Right? |
|||
Right? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Donkey! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
No! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh) |
|||
I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, |
|||
stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, that's what friends are for, right? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Right. Friends? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Friends. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
So, um, what did Fiona say about me? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
What are you asking me for? Why don't |
|||
you just go ask her? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
The wedding! We'll never make it in |
|||
time. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's |
|||
a will, there's a way and I have a way. |
|||
(whistles) |
|||
Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so |
|||
they can climb on. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Donkey? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
I guess it's just my animal magnetism. |
|||
They both laugh. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Aw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a |
|||
noogie) |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
All right, all right. Don't get all |
|||
slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All |
|||
right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't |
|||
had a chance to install the seat belts |
|||
yet. |
|||
They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc. |
|||
DULOC - CHURCH |
|||
Fiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there. |
|||
The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'. |
|||
PRIEST |
|||
People of DuLoc, we gather here today |
|||
to bear witness to the union.... |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(eyeing the setting sun) Um- |
|||
PRIEST |
|||
...of our new king... |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead |
|||
to the "I do's"? |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
(chuckles and then motions to the priest |
|||
to indulge Fiona) Go on. |
|||
COURTYARD |
|||
Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with |
|||
a boom. The guards all take off running. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. |
|||
If we need you, I'll whistle. How about |
|||
that? (she nods and goes after the guards) |
|||
Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You |
|||
wanna do this right, don't you? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(at the Church door) What are you talking |
|||
about? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
There's a line you gotta wait for. The |
|||
preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or |
|||
forever hold your peace." That's when |
|||
you say, "I object!" |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I don't have time for this! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen |
|||
to me! Look, you love this woman, don't |
|||
you? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yes. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
You wanna hold her? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yes. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Please her? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Yes! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(singing James Brown style) Then you |
|||
got to, got to try a little tenderness. |
|||
(normal) The chicks love that romantic |
|||
crap! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
All right! Cut it out. When does this |
|||
guy say the line? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
We gotta check it out. |
|||
INSIDE CHURCH |
|||
As the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the |
|||
windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see. |
|||
PRIEST |
|||
And so, by the power vested in me... |
|||
Outside |
|||
SHREK |
|||
What do you see? |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
The whole town's in there. |
|||
Inside |
|||
PRIEST |
|||
I now pronounce you husband and wife... |
|||
Outside |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
They're at the altar. |
|||
Inside |
|||
PRIEST |
|||
...king and queen. |
|||
Outside |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Mother Fletcher! He already said it. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Oh, for the love of Pete! |
|||
He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard. |
|||
INSIDE CHURCH |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(running toward the alter) I object! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Shrek? |
|||
The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Oh, now what does he want? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(to congregation as he reaches the front |
|||
of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin' |
|||
a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first |
|||
of all. Very clean. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
What are you doing here? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Really, it's rude enough being alive |
|||
when no one wants you, but showing up |
|||
uninvited to a wedding... |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Fiona! I need to talk to you. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little |
|||
late for that, so if you'll excuse me |
|||
- - |
|||
SHREK |
|||
But you can't marry him. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
And why not? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Because- - Because he's just marring |
|||
you so he can be king. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
He's not your true love. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
And what do you know about true love? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen |
|||
in love with the princess! Oh, good |
|||
Lord. (laughs) |
|||
The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The |
|||
whole congregation laughs. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
An ogre and a princess! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Shrek, is this true? |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, |
|||
my love, we're but a kiss away from |
|||
our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! |
|||
(puckers his lips and leans toward her, |
|||
but she pulls back.) |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(looking at the setting sun) "By night |
|||
one way, by day another." (to Shrek) |
|||
I wanted to show you before. |
|||
She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self. |
|||
She gives Shrek a sheepish smile. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona |
|||
smiles) |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! |
|||
I order you to get that out of my sight |
|||
now! Get them! Get them both! |
|||
The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights |
|||
them. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No, no! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Shrek! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This |
|||
marriage is binding, and that makes |
|||
me king! See? See? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No, let go of me! Shrek! |
|||
SHREK |
|||
No! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
Don't just stand there, you morons. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
I'll make you regret the day we met. |
|||
I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll |
|||
beg for death to save you! |
|||
FIONA |
|||
No, Shrek! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
(hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And |
|||
as for you, my wife... |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Fiona! |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
I'll have you locked back in that tower |
|||
for the rest of your days! I'm king! |
|||
Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles. |
|||
FARQUAAD |
|||
I will have order! I will have perfection! |
|||
I will have - - (Donkey and the dragon |
|||
show up and the dragon leans down and |
|||
eats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah! |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon |
|||
here, and I'm not afraid to use it. |
|||
(The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on |
|||
the edge! |
|||
The dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth |
|||
and falls to the ground. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Celebrity marriages. They never last, |
|||
do they? |
|||
The congregation cheers. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
Go ahead, Shrek. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Uh, Fiona? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Yes, Shrek? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
I - - I love you. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
Really? |
|||
SHREK |
|||
Really, really. |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(smiles) I love you too. |
|||
Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes |
|||
'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation. |
|||
CONGREGATION |
|||
Aawww! |
|||
Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted |
|||
up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around |
|||
her. |
|||
WHISPERS |
|||
"Until you find true love's first kiss |
|||
and then take love's true form. Take |
|||
love's true form. Take love's true form." |
|||
Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell |
|||
and then is slowly lowered to the ground. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
(going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are |
|||
you all right? |
|||
FIONA |
|||
(standing up, she's still an ogre) Well, |
|||
yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed |
|||
to be beautiful. |
|||
SHREK |
|||
But you ARE beautiful. |
|||
They smile at each other. |
|||
DONKEY |
|||
(chuckles) I was hoping this would be |
|||
a happy ending. |
|||
Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into... |
|||
THE SWAMP |
|||
...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm |
|||
a Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek |
|||
and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting |
|||
carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet |
|||
which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end |
|||
up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet |
|||
instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now |
|||
has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona |
|||
walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over |
|||
singing the song. |
|||
==Technology and engineering== |
==Technology and engineering== |
||
Line 3,724: | Line 18: | ||
** [[Dylan Thomas]] (1914–1953), Welsh poet |
** [[Dylan Thomas]] (1914–1953), Welsh poet |
||
* [[Dylan ail Don]], a sea-god in Welsh mythology |
* [[Dylan ail Don]], a sea-god in Welsh mythology |
||
*Dylan Blue, a fragrance by house of [[Versace]] |
|||
==See also== |
==See also== |
Revision as of 19:03, 7 March 2024
Look up Dylan in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.
Dylan may refer to:
Arts and entertainment
- Bob Dylan (born 1941), American singer and songwriter
- Dylan (1973 album), a 1973 album by Bob Dylan
- Dylan (2007 album), a 2007 compilation album by Bob Dylan
- Dylan (musician), professional name of English singer-songwriter Natasha Woods
- Dylan (play), a 1964 play by Sidney Michael about Dylan Thomas
Technology and engineering
- Dylan (programming language), a language with Lisp-like semantics and ALGOL-like syntax
- Dylan, a RAID storage system by Quantel
- Honda Dylan, a high-end 125cc Honda scooter in Vietnam
Other uses
- Dylan (name), a given name of Welsh origin and a family name (including a list of persons with the name)
- Dylan Thomas (1914–1953), Welsh poet
- Dylan ail Don, a sea-god in Welsh mythology
See also
- Dilan (disambiguation)
- Dillon (disambiguation)
- Dilyn, a dog
- Dilyn (drug), an expectorant