Jump to content

Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Diorama (Silverchair album): Difference between revisions

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Browse history interactively
← Previous editNext edit →
Content deleted Content added
VisualWikitext
→‎Diorama (album): rsp to burningclean
Line 94: Line 94:
***I've removed the (clearly unpopular) awards tables. The Charts table is a stalemate on album articles, so I've kept that. ''[[User:Dihydrogen Monoxide|dihydrogen monoxide]]'' <small>([[User talk:Dihydrogen Monoxide|H<sub>2</sub>O]])</small> 01:03, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
***I've removed the (clearly unpopular) awards tables. The Charts table is a stalemate on album articles, so I've kept that. ''[[User:Dihydrogen Monoxide|dihydrogen monoxide]]'' <small>([[User talk:Dihydrogen Monoxide|H<sub>2</sub>O]])</small> 01:03, 10 May 2008 (UTC)
*'''Support''' as GA reviewer. Another great one from DHMO. <font color="steelblue">[[User:Burningclean|'''''Burningclean''''']]</font>&nbsp;<sub><font color="red">[[User talk:Burningclean|[speak]]]</font></sub> 22:04, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
*'''Support''' as GA reviewer. Another great one from DHMO. <font color="steelblue">[[User:Burningclean|'''''Burningclean''''']]</font>&nbsp;<sub><font color="red">[[User talk:Burningclean|[speak]]]</font></sub> 22:04, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
:'''Comment''' Being a GA reviewer is not a good basis to cast your support. And besides, there is a great disparity between a GA and an FA. =) --[[User:Efe|Efe]] ([[User talk:Efe|talk]]) 04:08, 12 May 2008 (UTC)


'''Comments'''
'''Comments'''

Revision as of 04:08, 12 May 2008

Diorama (album)

Toolbox

A highly popular album by Silverchair. Well written, uses reliable sources, etc. (well, that's my opinion!)—I think this article is FA ready. As well as a GAN reviewer, there is quite a bit of peer reviewing in the talk page archives. I'm happy to act on any new suggestions. Cheers, dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 00:54, 9 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support Comments ...And my Aussie music education continues, courtesy of Dihydrogen Monoxide. Close to ready; however, some things to consider:
    • I seems odd to write "ARIA" twice (in the context of awards) before finally explaining the acronym in a sentence. Can we fix that?
    • "Johns initially wrote eight songs, only to later erase all record of them later..." Can we make this more specific? If the album is digitally recorded, he just deleted the files? If analog recorded, does this mean he destroyed the masters?
    • The Metacritic stuff.. who are Ink 19 and Dot music? If those are amateur reviewers logged into a web site, especially anonymously, I don't think we want to include that as a reliable source. I'm not familiar with that site.
    • You said a couple times that Johns wrote most of the album, but I don't recall reading about anyone else being involved in the songwriting process. Parks did some arrangements, but did anyone do any songwriting? --Laser brain (talk) 04:26, 9 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Hello DM. Here's my comment on this article:

Comments

I did a ce; mainly converting the #1 to number one, and so forth, because it vastly improves readability and improves the way the text "looks". Do we need to have colour-coded infoboxes? Its rather ugly, and I really don't see the point of it. What they won and what didn't win is clear enough without the colours, but the red and green rather jumps at you when you're just scrolling down. indopug (talk) 06:41, 9 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Hmm...I copied that formatting from Silverchair discography, and I've used similar formatting on all my other album articles. I don't feel strongly about it (I rarely do), but I'd rather keep it—do you have a significant objection? dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 09:30, 9 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Hate that glaring colors as well. Maybe you can use light gray? Don't worry, though, its just my opinion. --Efe (talk) 09:36, 9 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]


  • Oppose for now based on what seems to be extensive copyediting required. No issue with the comprehensiveness but the text needs much work. I'm aware that some of the text I'm commenting on below has been changed in the last few hours.
References
  • The fact that one of the labels was "Eleven" is not referenced anywhere and only listed in the lead and the infobox - should be in the body.
General bits
  • Where mentioning a third-party organisation or reviewer it would make the article far clearer if, the first time used, a couple of extra words were added to make the source unambiguous. Eg: "three star critique from Rolling Stone" - from the printed magazine, website or a named reviewer ? Metacritic, All Music Guide, Triple J etc - a reader of the article would be hard pressed to know what these where unless they already knew. Often it's expanded on later in the article where it should be higher up.
Wording - mostly in order from the top
  • "Released on 31 March 2002 by Eleven, the album saw Silverchair lead singer Daniel Johns co-produce for the first time, alongside David Bottrill". Does not mention what "Eleven" is, "Silverchair" is redundant and an album seeing a band is stretching language a trifle far. Perhaps "It was released by Australian record label 'Eleven: A Music Company' on 31 March 2002. Lead singer Daniel Johns had co-produced for the first time, alongside David Bottrill" - though I'm unhappy with my version too.
    • I had reworded this after Efe's comments ("Released on 31 March 2002 by Eleven, the album was co-produced by Daniel Johns and David Bottrill, both doing so for the first time on a Silverchair album.")—is this OK? dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 01:03, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Johns wrote most of the album, utilising a piano" - "Utili[s|z]ing" is a poor word here. I'm sure pianos are hard to write with. Perhaps he wrote this at a piano ? The wording later "Johns wrote much of the album on a baby grand piano" is perhaps not what is intended. "at" rather than "on" ?
  • "after the band took a 12-month break" - did the writing happen after completion of the break ( as is implied) or during the break ?
    • No, during (as was once implied, meaning must have been lost during some copyediting...). Fixed. dihydrogen monoxide (H2O)
  • "on Diorama, which containeds numerous orchestral arrangements and power ballads," - tense issue
  • "It earned a 71% score on Metacritic, including a four star review from All Music Guide " - I don't think that the All Music review was "included" in the Metacritic score... received would be better than earned and rating than score - read how "It received a 71% rating" works better than "It earned a 71% score"
  • "and it reached peaked at #1" - hard to have a higher peak.
  • "certified triple-platinum" - which is how many albums ?
  • "Though' Launay had produced worked with the band on their the three prior previous albums, but lead singer Daniel Johns decided that he needed someone who understood where he wanted to go with the album" - needlessly wordy. The boldfaced part and the rest of the paragraph need lots of work. eg: "Thus, he interviewed" - Thus is unneeded, "Johns' main issue was that he predicted Diorama" is not really better than "Johns believed Diorama"
  • "Reviewer Mark Kemp praised Silverchair, saying that the band had had developed a strong, independent, musical ability, compared to Frogstomp, which he said was heavily influenced by Pearl Jam and Nirvana." - compared to Frogstomp (not made clear here that it's an album) or in contrast to Frogstomp. I had to read this a couple of times to work out what was meant.

Lots of textual issues that need addressing similar to the above. I couldn't find a paragraph that flowed well

:( Will take another look through. dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 01:03, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Quotations

Though useful some of the quotes are overdone and serve to make the text heavy going.

- Peripitus (Talk) 11:08, 9 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your time and efforts. dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 01:03, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comment Being a GA reviewer is not a good basis to cast your support. And besides, there is a great disparity between a GA and an FA. =) --Efe (talk) 04:08, 12 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

All fixed. Ealdgyth - Talk 04:15, 11 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Being on the road, I didnt check external links. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:11, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comments
  • I gave this a review before, but I have some new thoughts:
    • Can we get a reference for the "210,000 copies" statistic (doesn't have to be in the lead, though).
    • "Johns commented on the difference between what resonated well on piano compared to on guitar" sounds awkward to me. Can't think of a way to reword it atm though.
    • Attempted reword. dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 01:30, 11 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...he had written songs with the intention of Imbruglia singing them" Maybe "...he had written songs with the intention that Imbruglia would sing them"? Or "...he had written songs with intending for Imbruglia to sing them"? Neither one is great, but the wording just sounded a little weird there.
    • I still think the last sentence of that paragraph about the article's title seems a little tacked on there, with the rest of the paragraph being about the inspiration for songs. I don't suppose you could get away with putting it in the lead? It's kind of an introductory point, what the name's about.
    • "...the band '[reverted] back to their grunge sound'." So 'reverted' is part of this article, not the original quote? Why not just "...the band reverted 'back to their grunge sound'"?
  • Just suggestions, if I'm off base on any of them feel free to ignore. Similarly I've made some tweaks to the article which can be reverted if they weren't helpful. delldot talk 18:13, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Contractions: wasn't, weren't, maybe others.
  • First paragraph is rather short; could it be expanded or merged?
  • "Lead singer Johns wrote most of the album at a piano, while the band took a 12-month break" -> shouldn't be acomma. (this comment is in direct violation of Giano's essay! :O)
  • "Silverchair worked with composer Van Dyke Parks on Diorama, which contains numerous orchestral arrangements and power ballads, as opposed to the post-grunge music typical of their earlier work." - very awkward phrasing, maybe "Silverchair worked with composer Van Dyke Parks on Diorama; the album contains numerous orchestral arrangements and power ballads, as opposed to the post-grunge music typical of their earlier work."
  • 'Five singles were released; "The Greatest View", "Without You", "Luv Your Life", and "Across The Night" appeared on the ARIA Singles Chart, and "After All These Years" was released as a promotional single.' - grammatically incorrect, should probably be two sentences: 'Five singles were released; "The Greatest View," "Without You," "Luv Your Life," "Across The Night," and "After All These Years". "Across The Night" appeared on the ARIA Singles Chart, and "After All These Years" was released as a promotional single.'
  • There's a lot of '"stuff",'. This should be "stuff,". (comma before quote)

Can't find much else at the moment, the majority of the article looks good. Nousernamesleftcopper, not wood 23:36, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • For the last one, I always learned it as the comma always goes in the quotes... oh well, maybe I remembered incorrectly or there's an odd difference in grammar standards from country to country. Everything else has been addressed nicely, so supportNousernamesleftcopper, not wood 01:51, 11 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - I've agreed to do a quick copy edit for this article, and will place comments and questions here.

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/Diorama_(Silverchair_album)&oldid=211799724"