Child discipline

Main article: Parenting

Child discipline is a topic that draws from a wide range of interested fields, such as parents, the professional practice of behavior analysis, developmental psychology, social work, and various religious perspectives.

Methods of child discipline vary widely between cultures and have in recent times changed considerably in some of them.

In western society, there has been debate in recent years over the use of corporal punishment for children in general, and increased attention has been given to the concept of "positive parenting" whereby, instead of punishing the child for its bad behaviour, good behaviour is encouraged.

According to some observers, the use of any single form of discipline becomes less effective if it is used all the time, a process psychologists call habituation. Thus, no single one of the following is considered to be for exclusive use. Experts recommend that parents and caregivers use a variety of discipline methods.

Corporal punishment

Main article: Corporal punishment in the home

The United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child regularly orders the democratically elected governments of UN member countries to prohibit by law all corporal punishment of children, even by their own parents. The Committee is a body of experts (in the specialised UN sense of that word; they are mostly academics or bureaucrats) whose members come from certain UN member states ("States Parties") such as Algeria, Bangladesh, Paraguay and Qatar. Although the UN describes these members as "elected", they are not accountable to anybody: the only democratic input to their appointment is by a secret ballot at a meeting of unelected representatives of UN member states.

The Committee was set up to monitor implementation of the Convention on the Rights of the Child, whose text does not at any point refer to corporal punishment, spanking, slapping, caning, strapping or smacking. Although half its members are not lawyers, and only three of the present members appear to have any experience as jurists, the Committee of its own volition decided some time after the Convention had been signed by member states and come into force in 1990, and without any public consultation or democratic input, to interpret the text as meaning that parental spanking should be made a criminal offence. It is not stated on the UN website whether or not this interpretation has anywhere been tested in an actual court of law, either at an international level or in any country governed by the rule of law.

In the United States, which is not signatory to the Convention, corporal punishment of children by their parents is lawful in all 50 states.

The effectiveness of corporal punishment is disputed. Those opposed to spanking argue that other methods of child discipline are both more humane and more effective than physical punishment such as spanking. Some studies have suggested that spanking may lead to more misbehaviour in the long run, and some researchers have linked what they describe as "authoritarian" child-rearing (i.e. teaching a child the difference between right and wrong) with children who withdraw, lack spontaneity, and have lesser evidence of conscience.

However, a 2006 study in New Zealand found that those who were physically punished mildly, including light open hand spanking on a clothed bottom or leg during their childhood, came out the same or slightly better than those who were never punished physically. This study specifically criticised several previous studies which did not distinguish different degree of physical punishment and argued that such studies are biased from the outset to favour non-physical method of child discipline.

"Non-punitive discipline" (also sometimes called empathic discipline) is an approach to child-rearing that does not use any form of punishment at all. It differs from "non-violent discipline" in that even "non-violent" punitive measures such as "time-out" and artificial "consequences" are excluded in this approach. Most non-punitive discipline theories also exclude systems of "manipulative" praise and reward. Instead, it is alleged by supporters of this view, a child's behaviour is shaped by "democratic interaction" and by deepening parent-child communication. Authors in this field include Aletha Solter (PhD), Alfie Kohn, Pam Leo, Dr Haim G Ginott Haim Ginott, Thomas Gordon (psychologist) and Lawrence J. Cohen.

Time-outs

Main article: Child time-out

A method often used for young children (most commonly ages 2–5) is the use of time-outs. A time-out involves isolating the child for a relatively short period of time, generally just a few minutes. Although the giving of time-outs is an extremely common parenting practice, it is also widely misunderstood and misapplied. Most people think the purpose of time-outs is punishment. However, most child-rearing experts have never advocated using time-outs in this way. Ideally, the time-out is intended to give an over-excited child time to calm down. It is therefore most effective when a young child is throwing a temper tantrum or is otherwise misbehaving due to excitement. Many advocates of the time-out recommend that other methods of discipline are more appropriate when a child makes a calm, deliberate choice to misbehave.

The theory behind the time-out is that children at these ages are often frightened by their own lack of control when they throw tantrums. On this view, if the child is given a chance to regain self-control on their own in a quiet place free of distractions, they will often be relieved to do so. Thus, it is claimed, time-outs help children develop internal self-control, whereas with more punitive methods like spanking, the child relies on someone else to forcibly control them. This is one reason why even parents who consider spanking acceptable often use time-outs instead for situations like a young child's temper tantrums.

Distraction

Distraction is a method of stopping young children from continuing a problem behavior. For example, if the parent sees the young child involved in an unacceptable behavior, the parent suggests to the child a more interesting alternative, such as reading a book together, a dance around the room, sitting together in the rocker, singing songs, etc. This is followed by continuing to play with the child until its unacceptable behavior is forgotten, then taking it from the area for other activities, in order to assure that it will not return to it.

The distraction method relies on the fact that young children have very short attention spans. Thus, it becomes less useful as the child matures. Advocates of this method often argue that as long as a child is young enough to be reliably distracted from misbehavior, it is also too young to have the necessary attention span or capacity for self-control to make deliberate long-term changes in its behavior. Thus, they argue, punishing a child at this age would be pointless and serve only to create unnecessary resentment.

Distraction can involve hugging. Hugging is claimed by supporters to be useful for children not yet capable of reasoning, such as those aged two. This is used mainly when the child is involved in persistent negative behavior or in destructive behavior. The child is picked up and hugged in such a way that the child does not get hurt but ceases its ill-behavior. As the child begins to quiet, it is rocked, sung to, or spoken to in soft, calming tones. It is then removed from the room and given an activity that distracts it from its previous concern.

Reason

Children will come to the age (around age six) when reasoning is a very effective discipline tool. At this time, the child may be told, for example, "If you play with the glass apple, your hands are small, and it could fall. It would break and cut you, and we'll have to throw it away." These times are often followed by such activities as sitting on the floor, placing the apple on the carpet, and letting the child caress it for a short time, then putting it away. This, it is claimed by supporters of this view, not only satisfies the child's natural, healthy curiosity and opens up the possibility for communication, but it also gives the child one-on-one time with the parent. In addition, it allegedly also helps the child learn how to decide on their own what actions should be avoided. All other forms of discipline, supporters of this approach assert, are significantly more effective when paired with a calm, clear, reasoned discussion about why the behavior was wrong.

Consequences

Often, when a child misbehaves, there are natural consequences. Advocates of the "consequential" approach state that these consequences should be their discipline, and that in this way the lesson will be remembered far longer than will punishment. Many thus believe that, within reason, children should be allowed to learn from their own mistakes. For instance, if a child wants to eat all their Halloween candy in one sitting despite being warned of the consequences, these parents, it is claimed, would allow them to do so – assuming that the resulting indigestion will be the best possible way to teach them to avoid such gluttony. Experts generally suggest that this approach is not effective for very young children, who do not yet have a firm understanding of cause and effect, especially if the consequence does not become apparent until some time after the behavior. However, it is claimed by some that it becomes an increasingly appropriate method as the child grows.

Similarly, many parents and experts believe that logical consequences for misbehavior are also effective. For example, in cultures such as that of the United States where teenagers are often allowed to drive motorcars, if a teenager uses the family car without permission, a logical consequence would be that the car is off-limits for a period of time which includes an instance when the teenager is greatly inconvenienced.

Modelling

Advocates of "non-violent discipline" claim that modeling is an extremely effective disciplinary tool, but it also places the greatest demands upon the parent. According to this view, the parent must consistently show the child what kind of life is expected of him by not doing anything that the parent will not allow the child to do. It is asserted that showing the child appropriate behaviour will teach the child faster and more deeply than will disciplinary action for misbehaviour. Supporters of this view state that modelling shows the child by example that the parent is willing to "walk the walk" as well as "talk the talk."

At the same time, it is understood that obsession with portraying parental perfection to the child can be very detrimental to the child. When the parent errs, rather than covering up the error, advocates strongly suggest admitting the error, talking about it, and openly living through its consequences. The combination of a dedicated, sincere, consistent effort on the part of the parent to model appropriate behavior with the ability to admit errors and apologize creates reciprocal respect for the parent and prevents resentment based on hypocrisy and double standards, say modeling proponents.

All surrounding friends, parents, family, and neighbors can be role models, it is claimed.

Praise and rewards

Praise and rewards (hugs, time with the child, etc.) for good behavior similarly go much further as discipline than does punishment, according to the proponents of positive reinforcement. Simply giving the child positive attention and respect when they are not misbehaving will, on this view, also act as a reinforcer for good behaviour. It is very common for children who are otherwise ignored by their parents to turn to misbehaviour as a way of seeking attention.

Advocates of this method differ on the question of what exactly should be used as rewards. Some, for instance, are strongly opposed to the use of food or sweets as rewards; others find candy a very effective and appropriate incentive.

Behavioral psychologists generally suggest that rewards may be more effective at producing long-term behavioural changes, though punishment may be more effective in the short term. Punishment, supporters of this view claim, has a number of drawbacks. First, while it is often highly effective in the short term, it is less useful in the long term; often it will simply teach a child to not get caught performing the undesirable behavior. It also tends to create anger; not only will a child who has been punished too often become angry at the parent (and thus less motivated to please the parent), it may also take out its anger on others, such as younger siblings. Finally, precisely because punishment is so effective in the short term, it can be dangerously seductive for parents, it is alleged. Because the act of punishing is often rewarded (by having the child cease an undesirable behavior), parents come to associate the act of punishing with pleasurable feelings of relief and satisfaction, and thus may become tempted to punish more and more often, even when it is not appropriate - something that might have damaging effects on the child, according to supporters of this view. Thus, most experts agree that, while punishment is an indispensable tool for stopping undesirable behaviour, it is better to rely on rewards for good behaviour where possible.

There is also some controversial research in behavioural psychology that suggests that "extrinsic rewards" (rewards that are external to the behaviour) might undermine "intrinsic rewards" (rewards that come from the mere act of performing the behavior itself). On this view, a child who enjoys reading finds it an intrinsically rewarding act. According to this theory, if the child were given money for every book it read (an extrinsic reward), its enjoyment of reading would decrease. However, this phenomenon is much less simple than it might appear; many studies on the subject have produced contradictory results. According to the most recent research, extrinsic reinforcement undermines intrinsic reinforcement only if the extrinsic reward is tangible, is expected, and is not tied to quality of performance. Thus, rewarding a child with praise and positive attention will not decrease any intrinsic enjoyment they receive from good behavior, but more care should be taken with tangible rewards such as money, toys or sweets.

Scolding

Just as verbal praise is a powerful reinforcer for most children, verbal scolding can be an effective punishment. As with other punitive methods, however, over-reliance on scolding will, in the view of some critics, drastically lessen its effectiveness. However, if reproving (gentle scolding)) is sometimes used in place of yelling, the child (or children) will not be afraid. Yelling can cause the child to dislike the parent, thereby causing the child to avoid the parent (which includes asking for help, or confessing actions and other things relating to the parent). Yelling has mainly a negative affect on a child, including lack of self-esteem, feeling of being powerless, and feeling of abuse.

Sudbury model democratic schools' approach

Main article: Sudbury school

Sudbury model democratic schools claim that popularly-based authority can maintain order more effectively than dictatorial authority for governments and schools alike. They also claim that in a Sudbury model democratic school the preservation of public order is easier and more efficient than anywhere else. Primarily because rules and regulations are made by the community as a whole, thence the school atmosphere is one of persuasion and negotiation, rather than confrontation since there is no one to confront. Sudbury model democratic schools experience shows that a school that has good, clear laws, fairly and democratically passed by the entire school community, and a good judicial system for enforcing these laws, is a school in which community discipline prevails, and in which an increasingly sophisticated concept of law and order develops.

See also

• Poisonous pedagogy
• Non-violence
• Taking Children Seriously, a child-rearing philosophy which considers even non-violent modification of the child's behaviour as unethical and harmful.
• Gentle Christian Mothers, positive parenting from a Christian perspective.

Further reading

• Brazelton, T. B. (1992). Touchpoints. Addison-Wesley.
• Crary, E. (1993). "Without Spanking or Spoiling: A practical approach to toddler and preschool guidance." Seattle: Parenting Press.
• Miller, Alice (1983) For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence ISBN 0-374-52269-3 (available on line at no cost)
• Miller, Alice The Untouched Key: Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity and Destructiveness ISBN 0-385-26764-9
• Spock, B., & Rothenberg, M. B. (1992). Dr. Spock's baby and child care. New York: Simon and Schuster.

External links

• Child Behaviour Support and Advice
• Advice on positive parenting
• 5 Reasons Why Time-outs Can Be Harmful To Your Children