Paraphilic infantilism

Paraphilic infantilism is a paraphilia that involves the desire to wear diapers and be treated as a helpless infant. ^[1] Those who practice it are called an Adult Babies (ABs). Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers (DLs) are often referred to by the combined acronym, AB/DL. The majority of AB/DLs are heterosexual males ^[2].

AB/DL is not directly harmful, but there are indirect psychological and social dangers. Many AB/DLs grow up with the stigma of being “perverts” and thought that they were only one. In some, this leads to isolation, guilt, and despair. The social and professional risks of being discovered can be severe. Many AB/DLs have tried desperately to change. Few, if any, were successful.

The Contrast Between Paraphilic Infantilism and Diaper Fetishes

The easiest way to describe paraphilic infantilism is to contrast it with a diaper fetish. A diaper fetishes is a sexual fetish, where the diapers themselves serve as a sexual focus. This group might loosely include those who have a rubber fetish or plastic fetish, although these might skip the diapers and focus on the rubber or plastic waterproof pants. The diaper lover’s idealized partner would be an erotic lover. If their actual partner is willing, diapers and other fetish objects can be incorporated into their sexual relationship. The DL might prefer to wear the diaper, to have his partner wear the diaper, or for both to wear diapers. The presence of diapers may lend itself to roleplay such as doctor-patient or nurse-patient, but diaper fetishes don’t inherently involve roleplay.

Paraphilic infantilism Adult Baby, AB Self-image/alter-ego focused Roleplay,such as baby with mommy Sexual relationship with partner is separate from AB play Baby wears the diapers.	Diaper Fetish Diaper Lover, DL Focused on an external object No inherent roleplay DL play is actively sexual DL, partner, or both wear the diapers

Paraphilic infantilism is less intuitive since it isn't a fetish. Fetishes focus on a sexually charged object, while infantilism focuses on the self-image of the Adult Baby. The AB has an alternate self-image of an infant. This is similar to a transvestite, except that instead of engaging a female alter-ego every now and then, ABs engage an infantile alter-ego. ABs cannot physically become infants, but try to simulate infancy. This may include the use of adult-sized diapers and baby clothing, toys, baby oils and powders, etc. If the AB’s partner is willing to engage in roleplay, she will play the mommy (or he will play the daddy) while the AB plays an infant or toddler. When roleplaying, the AB would try to achieve a baby-like mood or mindset. As a result, sex during the scene would seem incestuous. The AB and partner may have an ordinary sexual relationship at other times, but not while engaged in infantilistic play. As would be expected, the baby wears the diapers.

Paraphilic infantilists are generally masochistic. Masochism is a desire be deprived of status, comfort, or control. Individual adult babies will fall into one of three sets, based on how their masochism is expressed. The first set is simply infantile. Assuming the role of baby inherently involves surrendering control. In some cases, this may be stretched into an early childhood role to include spanking or scolding. The second set has a conventional masochism that they practice when they aren't engaged in baby play. They might be in diapers one evening, and in leather or chains the next evening. The third set integrates conventional masochism into infantilism in a single scene. This might involve mixing baby items with bondage and discipline that would be abusive if used on a real baby. The practices of the third set are incompatible with the other two sets of ABs.

While the division between infantilism and diaper fetishes is clear at a particular moment, AB/DLs commonly practice both. They can only engage in one or the other at any given time. Many AB/DLs describe themselves as “mostly AB” or “mostly DL”, based on which they engage in more frequently.

What AB/DL is Not

Pedophilia

Pedophilia is a compulsion to treat children as sexual objects. Unlike pedophilia, AB/DL play does not involve actual children. It takes place between consenting adults. In it’s strictest sense, AB/DL also does not involve sexual acts with adults pretending to be children. The AB/DL community does not condone involving actual children in infantilistic, fetishistic, or other age-inappropriate acts.

Other infantilisms

‘Paraphilic infantilism' is usually shortened to 'infantilism.' This can lead to some misunderstandings, since 'Infantilism' also means 'lacking development.' Mental retardation involves never having achieved average capacity and maturity, in contrast to adult babies, who actively set their maturity aside. In turn, psychosexual infantilism, a term coined by Freud, referred to those who haven't "matured" through the psychosexual_stages into heterosexuality. Psychosexual infantilism includes paraphilic infantilism as well as other paraphilias and sexual orientations. Finally, regression is a broad term with many meanings. ABs regress, but those who regress aren't necessarily ABs.

Practical or Voluntary Use

Those who need diapers for medical reasons are probably not AB/DLs. While they may wear and use diapers, they aren’t necessarily doing it to express an alternate self-image or indulge a fetish. Of course, some who have medical reasons for wearing diapers are also AB/DLs. This also applies to those who use diapers for practical reasons, such as astronauts, divers, and sadomasochists. Finally, there are some who start wearing diapers as a new kink.

There are many that wear diapers but aren’t paraphilic infantilists or diaper fetishists in the strictest sense. Their motivations and underlying mechanisms are different. However, those who share AB/DL interests and practices are generally welcome in the communities, and may sometimes be counted as AB/DLs.

Elements of AB/DL Fantasy

Coercion

Force or coercion is sometimes present in fantasies to remove guilt. The AB/DL deflects the guilt of wanting to be put back in diapers by fantasizing that someone else forced it upon them. Superficially, this makes it someone else’s fault.

Identification

AB/DLs may enjoy looking at pictures showing who they want to be, as opposed to who they want to be with. For example, a heterosexual male AB may enjoy looking at pictures of men in diapers: He may be imagining himself as the men in the diapers.

Permanent Regression

A common fantasy among adult babies involves a permanent return to a more baby like position. This may involve being put back in diapers or returned to the nursery for the rest of their life. These fantasies may be enjoyed even by ABs who are consciously aware that they wouldn’t want to give up their adult lives.

Exhibitionism

Modesty and self-consciousness are learned traits, not expected from infants and small children. Babies can be out in public in just a diaper and T-shirt, and can be changed openly. Adult Babies can’t legally do these things, but commonly fantasize about them.

Integrating other Interests

The individual AB/DL may have other interests that have become integrated with AB/DL. For example, a sissy has an integrated infantilism and transvestism. In turn, a babyfur has an integrated infantilism and furry fandom. Sissys and babyfurs are among many groups resulting from the integration of side-interests with infantilism. The combinations can themselves be combined in countless ways. For example, there are sissy babyfurs.

Elements of AB/DL Practice

Aside from the many things that AB/DLs would like to do, but can’t, there is an extensive list of practices that they might actually engage in. Some common elements and practices are listed here.

Coming_out

A difficult choice that AB/DLs must make involves who to tell about their interests. This offers the possibility of being accepted for who they are, and not having to hide. However, it also includes the risk of disgrace at home, school, and work.

Wearing Diapers

Obviously, a central practice to AB/DL is wearing a diaper. The AB/DL urges often focus on a specific type of diaper. AB/DLs raised in disposable diapers might not be interested in cloth diapers at all. The interests of older AB/DLs may be specific to cloth diapers, or the waterproof pants worn with them. This focus can give a clue to the age at which their AB/DL developed: Some AB/DLs spent their infancy in cloth, but ended up focused on the disposables that they were exposed to as children. AB/DLs might wear either type as a practical compromise.

When wearing diapers, many AB/DLs like to urinate in them. Others do not wet their diapers, either because they find it gross, or simply don’t enjoy it. Some AB/DLs who wet also like to soil their diapers. Others don’t because they find it gross, don’t enjoy it, don’t want to go through the cleanup afterwards, or aren’t in a place where they can mess themselves without being obvious. Some AB/DLs have difficulty wetting their diapers when they want to, as the result of overtrained bladders or paruresis.

Wearing Diapers Under Clothes

A common compromise between wanting to wear diapers and needing to go about daily life is to wear diapers under normal clothing. While ABs do this, they would do so in their everyday mindset, as opposed to an infantile one. ABs and DLs who do this may need to pay more attention to how detectable their diapers are than they would need to if they were wearing them for medical reasons. This is especially true of those who still live with their parents, or wear diapers at work intermittently. They need to maintain a level of stealth, so their diapers aren’t detected. In other circumstances, the AB/DL might be OK being simply discrete, so that it isn’t obvious that he is diapered. If a passerby on the street noticed the diapers, he or she would probably dismiss them as medically necessary.

The binge/purge cycle

After engaging in AB/DL activities, some may be driven to try to give up AB/DL altogether. They ‘purge’ by discarding their collections of diapers and other items, deleting computer files, etc. After a few days to a few months, the urges build up, and cause the AB/DL to ‘binge.’ He intensely returns to AB/DL activities, by buying more diapers, etc. After the urges have been vented, the AB/DL may again be driven to give up, leading to another purge. The binge-purge cycle is destructive, but can be moderated.

Finding a Mommy or Daddy

A difficult part of life as an AB/DL is finding a compatible spouse. For DLs, the search is difficult because there are few DLs in the general population. For ABs, the search is harder still because there is no clear counterpart. That is, while there is a set of urges driving some adults to be babied, there isn’t a matching set of urges driving others to baby adults. In contrast, a masochist can find happiness with a sadist, for example. Female AB/DLs are not necessarily willing to be mommies. Some AB/DLs are willing to be ‘switch’ mommies or daddies. AB/DLs should discuss their interests with their spouse before the marriage.

For DLs, there are prostitutes open-minded enough for diapers. For ABs, there are professional ‘adult babysitters.’

Wearing Diapers all the Time

Some AB/DLs progress beyond intermittently wearing diapers under their clothing, to wearing diapers all the time. While there is substantial variation between individuals, this has caused partial urinary_incontinence in rare cases.^[3] Some ABs actively seek urinary_incontinence through hypnosis or behavioral untraining methods. A few AB/DLs also seek fecal_incontinence or try to simulate it. In contrast, other AB/DLs enjoy wearing diapers intermittently more than they would enjoy wearing them all the time.

Habituation

As in everything else, the newness and novelty of specific AB/DL practices eventually wears off. Some AB/DLs are stable and continue doing what they have been doing, at about the same frequency. Others will try new things to maintain the novelty. These new practices are usually more elaborate and extreme. This pursuit continues until stability is reached, or some other factor limits the escalation.

References

1. ^ Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 2000, pg 529 (IV) or pg 286 (IIIR)
2. ^ Thomas John Speaker, Psychosexual Infantilism in Adults: The Eroticization of Regression. Columbia Pacific University. 93pp. Available from: DPF, Sausalito, CA 94965.
3. ^ "What Would it be Like to Wear Diapers 24/7?", 2003.

See also

• Sexual fetishism
• Paraphilia
• Diaper Lover
• Sissy Baby

External links

• Understanding Infantilism
• Wikifur - Babyfur
• Kathi's Mental Health Review and Borderline Personality Disorder
• Sissy Becky

Further Reading

• Wilhelm Stekel, Patterns of Psychosexual Infantilism ISBN: 0871408406
• Nancy Friday, Men in Love; Mens Sexual Fantasies ISBN: 0385333420
• Allen, Clifford, A Textbook of Psychosexual Disorders ISBN: 0192644149
• Roy F. Baumeister, Masochism and Self ISBN: 0805804862
• William B. Arndt, Jr., Gender Disorders and the Paraphilias ISBN: 0823621502
• Brenda Love, Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices ISBN: 094263764X